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Friday, June 3, 2011

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 6/3

Happy Friday, everyone. In the mood for a few laughs? I know I am.

Our first gem is courtesy of a 19-year-old (!!):

im xxxxxx, i was checking out ur pics and i love ur ass ;] id love to lick it and fucking it ;]

My my. Do you kiss your mommy with that mouth, little boy?

Hellow. love how you ass look and you panties

Goodbyew. don't like you writing.

Here we go again...

It is hard to believe your bottom look like this at age 53!

(rolling eyes) Oh, I give up. You got me. That picture you saw is one I stole from a 25-year-old. My real bottom looks like two leftover pancakes.

And finally... put a shield over your screen and keyboard before you read this one. Your brain may explode.

hi u nauthgy young lady i am a pro . spanker n more in store u have a butt beauifull n it lokkks like it needs one of mine over the knee enjoying straring out style spanking -paddling/ croping n to top it off my cat of -12- tails- i travl for all over for work -wwe manger- i also did make 3 movies tne best one is the taletail a delitfull spankings of all the ways n more i am 51 a lifestyler d/d free -w/male - live in flornce 5 min. from airport n going to calf. late july love to take u out for dinner n sees how u enjoy my style butt u have a beauifull butt n boby

There's no way I could make this up. I couldn't conceive of this degree of illiteracy. Amazingly, he did spell spanker and spanking correctly.

Well, despite this delitfull missive, I think I will turn down the dinner offer. The thought of his "more in store" makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

In other news... Lots of people are at the FMS party this weekend. Didn't they all just come home from the BBW party?? (sigh) Yes, I'm being snarky. Sour grapes. I wish everyone a good time -- this is merely envy, not jealousy. And I get to have my own good time tomorrow! :-D  This week has dragged and dragged and DRAGGED, but finally, it's Spanking Court time again.

Am I nervous? Sure, always. Not quite as much as I was the first time, though, since now I know what to expect (somewhat). I so look forward to seeing everyone again. 

Wanna know what I'm most apprehensive about? The spankings? Nah. What dastardly implements Mr. Villain will choose? Meh. What I'll say to the judge? I'll wing it. No... Cali sent us all email yesterday, reminding us that the makeup artist will be on hand again, so we should all show up with bare faces.

Say what?

OK, I'm not one who can't leave my house without full makeup on. I don't wear all that much of it anyway. But honestly? My unadorned face has a rather ghostly pallor, and I have dark circles under my eyes no matter how much sleep I get. Some concealer and blush are necessary, or else I could frighten small children. Fortunately, there won't be any on these premises.

(groan) I'll just have to hope that our talented makeup artist will work her magic as soon as I get there, so I'll look like I'm about to do a fetish video, rather than a remake of Zombies From Hell.

Have a beauifull weekend, y'all.


  1. "(That correspondent) makes me throw up in my mouth a little." LMAO!

    You quoted Happy Bunny!

    Here's another one you can use!

    This one's a classic!

    Appropriately literary!

    And one I hadn't seen before!

    Thanks for the grins, from the Icknotes, and also by thinking about how you get a little blush on your cheeks before getting a little blush on your cheeks.

  2. Cat of -12- tails? That's just so wrong! Or does he mean the freak cat that's on page -12-.

    Happy weekend!

  3. Dave -- ROFL!! Oh, those are priceless, thank you.

    Hermione -- gawd, who knows what he means. I don't think even HE knows what he means.

  4. Where yooor darkest sun glasses and lip gloss. Spanking Cort seems like the ultimate remedy as a NG substitute. I swear though, NO ONE has quite the fan club members like you. It would almost be worth it to set up a meeting with one of these goofballs just for a continuing laugh, but then again. your safety is the main priority.

  5. Hello Erica, LMAO when i read those yucky note's those IDIOT'S sent you, Thank's for the laugh i needed it hehehe :-) I think your BEAUTIFUL with and without makeup, You could NEVER scare anyone your too pretty, If anyone look's like a zombie from hell it's my dad's girlfriend UGH what a big ugly gorilla hehehe.She don't need no mask for Halloween that's for sure LOL. Have fun at Spanking Court, I can't wait to hear about it, Wishing you and John a happy fun filled weekend. Love you and big hugs from your naughty girl Jade xoxo

  6. Kelly -- wearing dark glasses indoors is so Jack Nicholson. I may sneak on a tiny dab of concealer under my eyes and a little blush, just to look human. The Judge can add more swats to the count as punishment. :-D

    Jade -- you're sweet, but oh, trust me... I can look damn scary sometimes. Especially first thing in the morning when I haven't had my coffee yet. ;-)

  7. Your correspondence is so funny but also a bit sad to think there are people out there who can be so stupid. Good luck on your return to Spanking Court! And congrats on being Chrossed today! I made my first appearance on the list, so I suppose my stats didn't just wig out after all. Lol.

  8. Lea -- woohoo! Your first Chrossing? Congratulations to you too!

  9. ROFLMAO. Thank you for putting up with all that nonsense.

  10. joeyred -- my pleasure. It's the least I can do for my readers' entertainment.

  11. i luv your buttom and am in lifestyle for year and want to giving your butiful buttom most spankings for your to cumming!

  12. Craig -- you know, that's downright scary. ;-)