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Friday, June 24, 2011

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 6/24

Been mighty quiet around these parts -- where the hell is everyone? Perhaps a few Friday laughs will bring you around.

Today's first offering is from a 19-year-old (can these guys count?? Do they have any idea how much older 53 is than 19?):

i love ur long legs and booty ;]

Ah, thanks, babe. And I love that sweet li'l soft spot on the crown of your head.

i too luv 2 spank on my buttoks

You know, it's a lot more fun when someone else spanks your buttoks.

hello sexy lady llike to enjoy my dick on cam 2 cam lets hv cam chat on yahoo messenger

I prefer to enjoy dick person to person, thank you. And what does "hv" stand for?

Wow that is a lovely bottom. Especially for your age (I bet you hate hearing that).

You'd win that bet. And yet, you said it anyway, asshat.

And here's the Gem of the Week:

You sure are pretty. If I ever get the chance to spank you, would you allow me to spread open your yummy cheeks as you order me "Xxxxxxx, makeout with my asshole as if you were kissing your first loves lips"

OK, now I know what "hv" stands for -- Heavy Vomit. Gaaaaaaa! Definitely brings a whole new meaning to "kiss my ass."

Here's a tip, Junior. Do not liken a woman's lips to her anus. It's a very unattractive and unflattering image.

A side note before I close: I'm thinking about joining Twitter. Not because I think I have a lot of fascinating tweets in me (really, how much can you say in 140 characters?), but because so many people I know are on there and I'd like to follow them. But I'm resisting, because it's yet another way to waste time on the Internet.

So who belongs, and who tweets? Why should (or shouldn't) I take this up?

Have a great weekend, y'all.


  1. I know it feels like the in crowd is tweeting, but who has any more hours in the day to waste on the internet? Not me, so I'm resisting.

    But then, I never was one of the in crowd.


  2. Hermione -- yeah, that's why I haven't succumbed yet. I know how obsessive I can be... I'd be reading it constantly. I'm sure it's quite addictive.

  3. Hello my Erica, hehehe what a bunch of bloody idiot's they make me want to vomit as well :-) I just joined twitter last week it's ok but i am not on there much, i don't totally understand how it work's :-( Wishing you and John a wonderful and fun weekend, Love you sending you big hugs xoxo from your naughty girl Jade

  4. WTF. Has the IQ of he human race dropped 20 points in the last week? Do not these idiots know that the mind is the most powerful sex organ. Like an expensive Single Malt Scotch, woman become sexier and sexier.

  5. Twitter good or bad? I don't know and just do not have the computer time to find out (or one of those smart phones). I can't even keep up with emails anymore. just how many communication mediums is everyone supposed to cope with these days.


  6. OMG.. you get some funny "chit" come through.. LOL

    Of course.. you heard my CHOS this week.. doesn't need repeating here. LOL

    Twitter? Yeah.. I tweet.. occasionally.. I've only tweeted 83 times in a yr.. guess I'm a "twit" cause I don't do much in the way of "twitterpatin" folks.

    Here's my tweet I just put up...

    Friendships are born at that moment when one person says to another, "WTF! You too? I thought I was the only one." - (weg)

    See? Nuttin' fancy schmancy in my tweets (rofl) .. *just saying* - I rarely check twitter.. but sometimes I have to sign on cause someone wants to follow me.. so I have to sign in to add them. ROFL .. I have 106 followers.. and I follow 110 myself.. but they're a quiet bunch. LOL

  7. If you sign on.. to twitter to tweet your little tw...heart out.. I'M HERE.. so click!

  8. Jade -- it's OK, I don't get how it works either.

    joey -- I don't think it's possible for the overall IQ of the human race to drop 20 points. It doesn't have that far to fall. (yes, I'm snarky)

    Prefectdt -- I don't have a SmartPhone either. I have a stupid phone.

    Zelle -- ROFL! Don't think I didn't catch that little near-slip at the end!

  9. Erica:

    You know me. Up on the latest trends, technology and innovations. But do I tweet? No. Am I a follower? No. Why?

    Though millions do it, Twitter is the CB radio of the smartphone generation. "I just went to Pizza Hut!" "I think Death Cab for Cutie's new album SUCKS!" "What's with [insert contestant's name here] on So You Think You Can Dance???"

    Breaker, breaker, good buddy! Got yer ears on?

    It may be worth following a few folks who's short missives can give you a snortle or two, but WTF is the deal with Twitter anyway? I predict in five years it will have gone the way of Friendster and MySpace.

  10. Craig -- you are definitely an Uber-Techie, so your not tweeting says a lot. I think it would be fun to follow interesting people such as Stephen Colbert, but you're right, the average blather is ridiculous.

    Have to say, Jimmy Fallon does a very funny bit called "Hashtags" every week.

  11. I have not been in the twittering scene, but it did come in handy for the folks in Indonesia went Merapi erupted. The Eruptions blog had people getting the tweets from Indonesia, translating it into English, and posting it for us and them. We found out that it was giving them better info than their government.

    It all depemds on what you want to do. Personally, I don't want to spend any more time on the computer than I am already. I like the blogs and I like the discussions on them.

    BTW, There do seem to be some people out there that apparently think they are being cute or some other characteristic that is "cool" and to me, it all spells, (and I am being nice here, LOL) "BONEHEAD"! (Alpha Hotel is an even better descrition.)

  12. Looks like my keyboard is acting up again.

  13. "Alpha Hotel" huh?? That does sound like a place this "alpha bottom/sub" that loves to entertain by occasionally being cute and cool might hang out....

    But I can assure you .. I'm far from a "BONEHEAD" - (snorts!)

  14. Bobbie Jo -- of course it is. :-)

    Zelle -- LOL! No, you are not. But some Alpha Tops are! (snicker)

  15. Hi Erica,

    This week's CHOS haul is even more moronic than usual, and that's saying something. My booty isn't very long, but it's plenty wide!

    As for Twitter, no tweets here. I haven't time for e-mail. Why would I sign up for another distraction? Besides, I can't ask for the time in 140 characters.

    Have a splendid weekend!


  16. I didn't like Twitter... Or maybe it didn't like me. Good luck with it!

  17. Not many Twitter fans here. Maybe that's why I keep reading?

    We tried Twitter five years back at the suggestion of a friend. We told him no more after a month.

    We have reached the age where jumping on the latest thing is no longer attractive. In fact, avoiding it is our badge of honor.

    Would Steve McQueen tweet?

    PS Another fine CHOS to show how far our civilization has fallen.

  18. Ah, I do love the CHoS. Always good for a laugh, thanks. Maybe the 19 year old knows the age difference and just doesn't care. I mean, 19 year olds are known for their ... lust, more so than critical thinking.

    As for Twitter, I'd pass. It's pretty hard to say anything interesting in less than 140 characters, and that goes both ways. You said you didn't want to write on there, rather follow people. But are any of your friends going to say anything important in such a small space? Chances are you'd just end up with a few dozen variations of "Going out", "Got coffee", "I'm home," "I'm angry". Why bother?

  19. Resigning to the fact that I did not explain myself adequately,(rolling eyes) I just want to clarify something I said above. I was referring to the DOLTS in the CHOF (conceding you probably already knew that) that seem to think they are so, um, so, um, well, you know what I mean. LOL Some of those are so funny and others, well, just plain gross.

    Cheers, everybody. :-)

  20. Bonnie -- LOL! Yeah, I caught that "long legs and booty" part too. Who has a long booty??

    TMV -- eh, I'll probably end up passing on it. I'm not hearing a whole lot of enthusiasm for it here.

    OBB -- Hmm. I don't know. Would he? Perhaps he would have tweeted about "The Blob." :-)

    Anonymous -- I think Twitter is an aid if you're promoting something, or someone. But otherwise... pretty mundane.

    Bobbie Jo -- no worries. :-)

  21. Well even if it's been quiet, there are always plenty of idiots to provide you with CHOS material. Lol. I've never done Twitter myself. I don't have anything that interesting to say that I don't already post on Facebook. As far as following people, I suppose there could be a few interestign things to read but I don't know that I care enough to sign up. I spend too much time on blogs and FL already.

  22. Twitter? Keep away, it's just absurd. I joined, but never tweeted, couldn't see the use of it.

  23. I refuse to join twitter!!!

    Love reading the idiots communication, tho. Perhaps you can simply tweet a new shameful message as it comes in and that can be what your tweets are!!!


  24. Lea -- I'm on Facebook too, but I really have no idea why. It's so vanilla, and those games and apps are SO lame and annoying. No, I don't want to help you build a farm, join your damn mafia or feed the animals in your zoo.

    Malcolm -- I'm thinking by this point, the people who are pro-Twitter are afraid to speak up! LOL

    Sarah -- that's a thought. I'd figure out a way to make it my own, certainly. Just don't know if I need another time-waster.

  25. Sparrows Tweet, Eagles fly. Hey that would make a good Tweet! :D

  26. Wordsmith -- does Jack Sparrow tweet? :-)

  27. Erica, please tweet, it takes two minutes and it is funny, thoughtful, fascinating and insightful.
    I would love for you to tweet.

  28. Poppy -- wow! The first pro-tweet comment! I knew there HAD to be some of you out there.

    I'll give it some thought, certainly.

  29. Sheesh! What am I chopped liver here? I thought I was sorta pro-tweet.. at least I am on it (once in a blue moon) .. maybe not a prolific twitter-patin'-tweeter.. but occasionally there's some fun stuff that comes through.. *or goes out.* LOL

  30. Zelle -- I'm sorry! I'd seen so many anti-tweet posts, and yours was way back... I forgot. :-(

  31. roflmao!! ...
    "swings wet noodle around like a singletail and pops ya one." LOL --

    You must still be in your Monday night euphoric state. LOL

  32. Zelle -- no, I'm in my every-night (and day) dumbass state. :-)

  33. I'm quite familiar with that state myself.. LOL - it's hell to break that cycle.. but there is much to say for regular weekly spankings as a way to break that spell at least once a week.. LOL

  34. Gosh,I miss the CHoS...

    Do you ever consider posting your blog in your writing on could get so many new fans...

  35. BG -- how can you miss it, when you just read it, silly? :-)

    Sometimes, I'll post a blog link in my FetLife status. Perhaps I should do that more often?