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Friday, August 5, 2011

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 8/5

It's Friday. Time to lighten up and bring back the funny. And the ridiculous.

im the one. I want u... I love 2 show my women I care with pain.. Let me show u

Your profile picture already showed me your dick. I've seen enough.

bare bottom ass whippings with my belt that will make u squirt your cum across the room and u wont be able to sit down for a week

The only thing that's going to squirt across the room is my projectile vomit. Go away.

Hi...I am available for giving your bottom lots of oral attention...

Unless your tongue is shaped like a paddle, I'm not interested.

wanna spank me ? call 626 xxx-xxxx only if UR a woman or shemail

Shemail? Is that, like, email from a woman?

I deleted this, and next day, I heard from him again:

thats ok if i coud at least spank u & U me that wood be nice

I don't care how nice your wood is. I'm not going to spank u.

I've heard from this guy before as well:

daddy likes what he sees. u r a butt beaiufull bottom i love u over my knee n bare r bottom n give u the spanking - croping u need need n have a taste for i am know for my o t k style call if u like to go for a trip over my knee that botton is in real need for attion i travl for work wwe com phone 859 xxx xxxx w-male 859 xxx xxxx if u r real call hope to see u soon

Let's review. 1) You're not my Daddy. I'm no Einstein, but there's no way I could be the spawn of someone so stupid. 2) No, I don't want to go for a trip over your knee. We've already discussed how much I hate to travel. 3) I doubt you are know [sic] for your OTK style. More likely you are know [sic] for writing like a first grader.

And finally -- another oddball gem from the search phrase collection:

children be a nice naughty next moody corner time now please

I am not making this up. There's no way I could. And can someone please explain how this string of gibberish led them to my blog?? (Yeah, yeah, I know. It was the "moody" part.)

Enough of this nonsense. Thanks to all who read my tome the other night and replied, including those who wrote to me privately. I got a message from New Guy, saying his hand is itching for me and he hopes I'm ready for a good spanking on Monday. It's nice to know some things don't change.

Have a beaiufull weekend, y'all.


  1. I funk u habs a gormagous boottom and eye wud liks to habs u ober my neeafacation soons.

    emaisl me at


  2. Hi Erica, I can't stop laughing hehehe LMAO They are a bunch of dumbass people, they can't spell or even talk right hehehe, but it did put a smile on my face :-) Wishing you and John a WONDERFUL weekend, I WUV YOU hehehe, big hug's to you from your naughty girl Jade xoxo

  3. I'm thinking that the last two are English impaired from another country. Maybe they write something in their language and then put it through Google translate or something and TADA, word salad! LOL

  4. Alan -- you do that well. Too well. :-)

    Jade -- glad I could make you smile.

    Jen -- you could be right. The Daddy gibberish guy is from Florence.

    Florence, Kentucky. :-D

  5. He could still be foreign, otherwise he obviously never went to school. LOL That's pretty bad!

  6. eeeep! That 859 area code is.....from here where I'm at! ~peers out the window at neighbor's house suspiciously~

    You know, I rarely receive such amusement in my inbox. The only time I did was when I was on Literotica, and I did not have myself listed as attached to someone. Maybe I will remove my marital and owned status so I can have my own correspondence of shame!


  7. sarah -- eeeep indeed!

    Now waitaminnit -- you don't really want to receive this kind of crap, do ya? :-)

  8. Just enough to be part of the club!!


  9. Ah, yes. "Giggle" translate. I have seen some really funny translations over on the Eruptions blog.


    I am laughing so hard I have tears coming in my eyes. ROFLMHO!!! What Alan wrote has me in more stitches!

    Boy do get some crazy dudes there. At least you can get a good laugh out of some of them. Others, eh, now so much as you indicated about projectiles going across the room. LOL

    Hey, a few hot ones from Etna (there was another paroxysm today, night for them) and toss them their way! That would fix 'em.


  11. Bobbie Jo -- I was able to figure them out. :-) Yeah, they're charmers, all right.

  12. OMG. So, so, so awesome Erica. Made my night. You turn idiocy into something even more funny.

    Talk soon,

  13. Erica, my tongue *is* shaped like a paddle. I've even drilled holes in it for you cause I heard it would sting more.


  14. My inbox is rarely so interesting or disturbing. Erica, maybe you should consider printing people's e-mail address and phone numbers in the CHoS. At least the repeat offenders.

  15. The cretins come out again. Almost too awful/pathetic to believe--but then I am reminded: they do indeed exist. That said, we need them to shovel out the barns and perform the mindless labor that is all that they're capable of. Pity that they can afford smartphones/computers to spew this offensive gibberish. "Clueless" would be the kindest word I can think of to describe them--and they certainly don't deserve even that modicum of acknowledgement.

  16. Marcus -- glad you stopped by! :-)

    Whistler -- OK, there's an image that requires brain bleach. LOL! Masochist, are we?

    Anonymous -- nope... I keep them completely anonymous. That way, it's funny without being a violation.

    MB -- ah, but they do provide a degree of entertainment, don't they! :-)

  17. These are so hilarious yet troubling at the same time. I'd like to think it's someone just messing with you but I'm sure that they are sadly real people who have communicated that way with many before you.

  18. well, can't speak for the others, but I was going for a laugh :) (my tongue is normal and intact).

    Enjoyed the OP.


  19. Lea -- I too would like to think they're fake, but according to the crap my friends get as well, they are all too real. (sigh)

    WNM -- glad to hear it! ;-)

  20. Thanks for putting up with the crazies.

  21. joey -- they do provide their unique form of entertainment!

  22. Oh, I'm late to the table on this post, but I'm weeping from laughing silently (I'm reading this at work!). This is one of your more hilarious CHoS', both for the asinine qualities of the communicators' works as well as your very pithy, very funny responses. Shemail = email for women? Genius!

    Thank you for the Monday morning hijinks!

  23. Craig -- Eve Howard had a good reply to that shemail thing too. Shemail = messages from RuPaul. Heee!

  24. Thanks for a good long laugh; I really needed one!

  25. George -- glad I could give you one!