PLEASE NOTE: This blog contains adult subjects and content, and because of Google/Blogger's recent nonsense, I HAVE MOVED TO WORDPRESS. For my enlightened friends who wish to visit me in my new home, it's Please bookmark it!

The rest of you? Please take your judge-y selves somewhere more wholesome, like here:

Go on.... shoo!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

An update

My favorite picture of J and me.

First, to everyone who has left comments/sent emails, expressed concern and offered good wishes, thank you. Usually I respond to each comment individually, but well... you know. I'm sure you'll give me a pass this time.

As we speak, J is having another test done. They're sedating him, then putting a tube down his throat so they can get a different look at what's going on down in there. It takes a while and he'll be out of it afterward, so I'm going to try calling him later this afternoon. He hasn't wanted me to visit, so we've been talking on the phone frequently. I don't know if it's because he doesn't want to stress me out, or because he doesn't like me seeing him like this.

I'm ashamed to admit this, but when I came to see him on Saturday, he looked so wasted and shrunken in that hospital bed, I could barely keep from crying. I sat on the bed next to him and held his hand, but I kept looking away. I didn't even realize I was doing it until he said, "Please look at me... I like it when you look at me." God, I felt like such a little shit. Maybe that's why he doesn't want me to visit.

The good news is that, for the first time today, his blood tested negative for the bacteria. Of course, it has to do that several more times before they will release him. They cannot put the shunt in his arm until his blood is clean. Then he'll have six weeks of home IV treatments to knock all the bacteria out of his heart.

After that course of treatment, he'll be re-evaluated. Surgery may still be necessary, but we'll deal with that then.

Once he gets out, he will be able to function quite normally. He can drive, go to work, etc. They want him to get his strength back, but not overdo it. He's promised me he will work 8-hour days, not these damned crazy 12 to 14-hour days he's been pulling. He will do everything his doctor tells him. I hope he means that, and it's not just a hospital-bed promise. Oh, and he also promised that in the future, if he gets a cold or the flu and it drags on past a normal illness period, he will go get bloodwork.

He's still eating well, so that's a relief. When they give him a break each day from the IV, he goes for a walk around the hospital corridors. He's washing his hair, etc.

People are asking how I am, if I'm taking care of myself. I am. I'm eating. I'm sleeping. I went to the gym yesterday. I am trying to keep busy so I don't think too much. And although I haven't seen anyone, I'm keeping in touch with friends so I don't isolate. I had two invitations to play this week, and I have turned them both down. J wanted me to go ahead, but I cannot. I'm not in the right headspace for it. Maybe next week. I know that's part of taking care of myself too, but this week, it doesn't feel right.

Anyway... that's it for now. We still don't know when he'll be released. Could be tomorrow, Thursday, Friday... I will update.

Thank you all, again, for your caring. You touch my cynical little heart. :-)

Update on the update:  5:35 PM. Just got off the phone with J. The tube-down-the-throat test went well. They're predicting Thursday morning for his release, but that is not carved in stone. Tomorrow, they will insert the shunt and teach him how to use it. He'll need to give himself the IV meds either once or twice a day; it's not a continual thing. 

He said to tell all of you that he appreciates your kind words and support, that they buoy his spirits. Friends are wonderful and we are both very grateful.


  1. This is sounding like very good news, Erica, and I'm relieved.

    Big hugs to you and your damned stubborn man.


  2. continuing to send you both good thoughts and positive energy - glad to hear things are looking up....

  3. It sounds like things are improving slowly, and I totally understand how you feel. You'll get through this.

    Hugs to you and J,

  4. You are in our thoughts, Erica. Please let John know both Gia and I are sending our very best wishes.

  5. Well, we have found who spanks you harder than anyone else- it is you.
    Looking away is normal and a normal loving reaction. If anyone else in the world spoke about you so harshly we would all bop them on the nose. (That is the biggest threat an English has - so don't take it lightly.)
    I am glad to hear that there is progress and I understand that this is a slow and steady rather than a sudden and radical improvement.
    Sending good thoughts your way,

    love to you both,

  6. This recent update is very positive Erica! Keep thinking that way... don't dwell on negatives... Even J can here negatives in your tonality on the phone... so be very upbeat.. like you are.. cuttin' up and kidding around with him.. do not.. repeat.. DO NOT sound all sad and down in the dumps! Do not tell him you are reminiscing.. Talk about current events.. the noisy ass neighbor.. anything at all.. even tell him about a play party you are thinking the two of you should try to schedule.. anyhow, long story short.. ONLY SHARE A POSITIVE WAVE LENGTH with him. (smiles)... remember.. "This too shall pass"

    lotsa love to you and J!

  7. correct my spelling while you're at it.. LOL (here/hear) .. oy vey!

  8. Excellent news. As troublesome as these last several weeks have been, J has confirmation he will heal and restore his good health. Even if further steps are necessary, his doctor seems very trustworthy so, maybe now you can relax a bit. I can understand postponing your spankings if you don't feel your usual thrill at the prospects, but if you are tempted, go for it!

  9. Thanks, everyone. I just edited this entry to include a little extra update. :-)

  10. Sounds like good news. Yay!

  11. Hello my Erica YAY FOR J that is good news, i am VERY happy that he is going to be ok, what a relief.your both in my thought's i am sending get well wishes to J, :-) I had that same test as J had with the tube down the throat i had that done several times.sending you and J much love and hugs XOXO from your naughty girl Jade

  12. Erica, tell J to inject Listerine, that kills bacteria. And also drink booze, really heavily, that works too. But I'm sure those fancy doctors told him all that.

  13. Iggy -- yay indeed! :-)

    Jade -- I had that test too, a long time ago. It's not fun!

    Danny -- for crying out loud, his blood doesn't have bad breath. And if you suggest he eat a lot of bacon, I'm coming to Denver to kick your butt. :-)

  14. I Love that pic of you and J it's one of my faves, i forgot to put that in my comment last time sorry. hehehe Danny is too funny GO KICK HIS BUTT ERICA, hehehe :-) LOL and HUGS XOXO

  15. Hang in there, both of you. Keep hoping for the best outcome, for it seems the best outcome may be forthcoming. I will be wishing the best for both of you.

  16. Lovely picture of you and J. Sounds like good news Erica, that's great.

    Your both in our thoughts.


  17. Hey Erica , now you get to put on the naughty nurse uniform and make sure he takes his meds ! But be carefull somthing tells me he might be a patient that has a tendency to swatt his nurses on ther bottoms !

    Glad its getting better

  18. Holy moley, Erica. I don't check your blog for a few days and totally missed this scary adventure you and J are on. (Never doubt your intuition -- you felt something was wrong when neither J or his other family/friends/co-workers suspected anything of this magnitude.)

    I stand with all of your other dear friends in wishing you both much good health in your near future. And for you, maybe a piece or two of some good chocolate, too.

  19. Paul -- I sure hope you're right!

    Ronnie -- thanks. :-) That shot is about 12 years old, but it's still my all-time favorite.

    Alan -- I don't have a nurse's uniform. How about if I serve him his meds in my underwear?

    Pam -- Chocolate sounds good. And a solid week of sleep and spanking. (I'd say sex too, but that's out of the question for a while... sigh)

  20. Ummmmmmmmm some how I doubt he will care LOL