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Friday, December 16, 2011

Time for a Christmas carol parody

Several of us trot these out during the holidays; here's a few examples from the ever-brilliant parodist Lea. As it happens, I've borrowed one of the same songs she did, but I've gone in a different direction with it. I now present my ode to spanking implements, O Bag of Toys (to the tune of O Christmas Tree).
♪♫ ♪♫
O leather belt, o leather belt,
Your SNAP has my ears ringing
O martinet, o martinet,
Your tails are really stinging!

That hairbrush is,
One nasty pup,
I’m eating dinner
Standing up!
O leather belt, o leather belt,
It’s pain that you are bringing.

O razor strap, o razor strap,
Upon my bum you’re crashing
O wooden spoon, o wooden spoon
I don’t deserve this thrashing

The paddle makes
My bottom red
Why can’t he use
His hand instead??
O razor strap, o razor strap,
Straight to the Dumpster dashing!

O Cane-iac, o Cane-iac,
Your canes came in the mail,
Both 5/16” and 7/16”
Were whacked across my tail

I never mark, the stripes don’t last
But oh they smart, I’m learning fast
O Cane-iac, o Cane-iac,
My neighbors heard me wail!

O bag of toys, o bag of toys,
With nerves of mush you fill me
But if I threw you in the fire,
My top would surely kill me!

But when it’s all,
Been said and done,
I must admit,
You’re kinda fun.
O bag of toys, o bag of toys,
Don’t tell, but yes, you thrill me.

(shhhhhh... that last part is a secret!) ;-)

Have a great weekend, y'all. Don't forget to vote for your favorite Blog of the Year.

28 comments:

  1. OMG! That's just terrific! LOVE IT! You should post that on Fetlife too! That's just too damn good to not be floating around in more places!!

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  2. Zelle -- hmmmm... I posted a link on FetLife, but perhaps I'll copy it all and paste it there as well. :-D

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  3. PUT IT IN SPANKOHOLICS ANONYMOUS... :-)

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  4. NV -- I'm twisted, so I twist well. :-)

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  5. Given your recent acquisitions, how about:

    I saw three canes come whizzing in
    On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
    I saw three canes come whizzing in
    On Christmas Day in the morning.

    And what was with those canes all three,
    On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day?
    And what was with those canes all three,
    On Christmas Day in the morning?

    The bright red welts and pain were there,
    On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
    The bright red welts and pain were there,
    On Christmas Day in the morning.

    Pray, wither whizzed those canes all three,
    On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
    Pray, wither whizzed those canes all three,
    On Christmas Day in the morning?

    O they whacked dear Erica's bum,
    On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
    O they whacked dear Erica's bum,
    On Christmas Day in the morning.

    And all the yelps on earth she'll cry,
    On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
    And all the yelps on earth she'll cry,
    On Christmas Day in the morning.

    And all the souls on earth shall cheer,
    On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
    And all the souls on earth shall cheer,
    On Christmas Day in the morning.

    Then let us all rejoice again,
    On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
    Then let us all rejoice again,
    On Christmas Day in the morning

    (There, if that doesn't give someone ideas for the 25th, I'm losing my touch ;-) )

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  6. Lancisto -- hey!! Long time no see. :-D
    Heehee -- a personalized parody; I love it! Thank you.

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  7. The Bionic Bum is deepest red...

    Sorry, musical talent runs out after that...

    Al

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  8. Hi Erica,I LOVE IT AWESOME JOB :-)I won't tell your secret it's safe with me hehehe LOL :-)My lip's are zipped.I wish i could think of different lyric's to a song for you but my mind is blank at the moment :-( and it would sound totally STUPID. Wishing you and John a fun and relaxing weekend :-)much Love and hug's from your naughty girl Jade XOXO

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  9. Al -- s'OK. I'm sure you have other talents! :-)

    Jade -- glad you enjoyed it!

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  10. Secretly, Erica, you have seen me, just in my secret twitter identity. Which is secret (but it might help you to think about witches).

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  11. You're giving Al Yankovic an impressive round of song parodying competition. Plus you're WAAYYY cuter than he is! :)

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  12. Hi Erica,

    Brilliant! I love it. For someone who dislikes holidays, you certainly have plenty of spirit...

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

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  13. Kelly -- LOL! No offense to Weird Al, but gawd, I certainly hope so!

    Bonnie -- I'm not sure if it's the right kind of spirit, though. :-D

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  14. This is really good. I'm going to sing it at the neighbors'!

    XX

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  15. "Straight to the dumpster dashing.." Haha! I feel that way about some implements I've encountered. Great parody! We spankos do have bigger toy bags than Santa, don't we?

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  16. Wonderfully brilliant Erica.
    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    Sorry deleted comment was mine.

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  17. Erica, I loved your parody, How about one for Hannukkah. It was my pleasure, to vote for you, my one and only 'yiddishe kiddishe' 'spanking idol'.

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  18. That's not very grinchy of you!! ;)

    sarah

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  19. Lea -- I think we do! Especially the bags for the naughty ones. :-D

    Ronnie -- no worries; glad you liked it!

    Six -- I thought about it, but then I read somewhere that Lea was going to do something with Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel (Paddle Paddle Paddle), so I decided to leave it to her. :-)

    Sarah -- nope, just sacrilegious. :-D

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  20. Along your lines Erica, here is my contribution. Paddle, Paddle, Paddle, It's made of solid wood. And when it hit's your bottom, You really understood. "OY VE", Erica, I tried my best. But you and Lea, probably can do much better than I.

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  21. What a sweet song, Erica! Thanks for sharing. :-)

    Who knows, if you rewrite all famous Christmas songs, you might even become a fan of the season...?! ;-)

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  22. Erica,

    OMG! Look out! I see where you are on Richard's naughty list for being a grinch! You? A grinch? Nah. But he thinks so. Muhahahaha!

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  23. six -- well, that's reasonably close. ;-)

    Kaelah -- ehhhhh... don't count on it. :-D

    Bobbie Jo -- say what? Hummph! I contributed to his Xmas show and everything! That's gratitude for ya.

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  24. Hi Erica
    Just a quick off the subject note, I just bought your book What Happens to Naughty Girls from Amazon. According their web site I got the last copy they have. If you can do anything about it, his is a bad time of the year for them to be out of stock.

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  25. Anonymous -- thanks for the heads up. Fortunately, the book can still be ordered from Lulu, which is the publishing company. Thanks for the heads up! I'll post a little note about that.

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  26. Well, I am sure you really don't mind, now do you? After all, he is one of those UPTs. Besides, I think it is a compliment. Not the grinch part, but wanting to spank you for whatever reason. :-P

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