PLEASE NOTE: This blog contains adult subjects and content, and because of Google/Blogger's recent nonsense, I HAVE MOVED TO WORDPRESS. For my enlightened friends who wish to visit me in my new home, it's https://ericalscott.wordpress.com. Please bookmark it!

The rest of you? Please take your judge-y selves somewhere more wholesome, like here: www.wonderbread.com

Go on.... shoo!



Thursday, September 27, 2012

TMI Thursday

Definitely Too Much Information, but it's quite funny as well, I think.

We're all adults here, right? OK.

You guys know me pretty well by now. You know that most of the time, after an intense spanking session, I'm done. I'm limp, happily drained of tension, as blissfully indolent as a cat napping in sunshine. All I have energy for is to fix myself a snack and write a blog.

Most of the time. But there are other times when I really, really need to take care of business. Get off. Yes, masturbate. The other night was one of those times.

So I retrieved the trusty old Pocket Rocket. It's not all that efficient, but it's quiet and small and it was inexpensive. (Have you checked out the cost of some sex toys out there?? Geezus, it's cheaper to hire a professional escort to get you off.) Turned it on, and... nothing. Ugh.

Probably a dead battery. Muttering in frustration, I went into the kitchen and retrieved a fresh pack of AA batteries from the tool drawer. Pulled out the old battery and inserted a new one, turned it on, and... nothing. The thing was dead.

"Dammit!" I yelled, hurling it in the trash. Stupid piece of junk. Now what?? I was feeling the need more than ever. And for another bit of TMI, my fingers simply don't cut it. They lack the speed and intensity of battery-powered pleasuring.

Well, to paraphrase an old saying, necessity is the mother of improvisation. I went to the linen closet, pulled out the box of assorted cloths and rags I use for dusting, and selected a clean, soft cloth. Then I wrapped it tightly, around and around...

... the head of my electric toothbrush.

Oh, grow up. :-Þ  Like no one's ever done that before. Sometimes, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

And BTW, it worked splendidly. :-D

39 comments:

  1. Oh, Erica! I LOVE IT! :D

    Desperate times call for desperate measures!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beth -- definitely comic fodder, no? :-D

    ReplyDelete
  3. Erica, Don't give it a frown, when the vibrate is down, For it's never to late to masterbate. For the brush electric. Did the trick. XXX Luv Ya.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hilarious, Erica! And some people think that women aren't creative when it comes to solving practical issues. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Kaelah -- I know, right? How silly of them to think that. :-)_??

    ReplyDelete
  6. Orgasm denial is apparently NOT one of your fetishes! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Kelly -- oh HELL no, it isn't. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh, poor Erica. Good for you, you're like the MacGyver of masturbation! Couldn't help but think of this while reading your story:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvst640uYFg

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Erica - You are VERY creative and you are AMAZING :-)YOU GO GIRL, I am happy you found an AWESOME way to pleasure yourself YOU ROCK :-)Much Love and hug's from naughty girl Jade

    ReplyDelete
  10. Erica,

    I love it! That story adds a whole new meaning to the phrase oral sex! :D

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous -- Oh, I love that! Gotta love Nancy Botwin. :-)

    Jade -- well, I won't be doing it again... but it worked for one time! :-D

    Bonnie -- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Kind of reminds you of an old SNL commercial, doesn't it? "It's a vibrator!" "It's a toothbrush!" "Ladies, ladies... Oral-B is a toothbrush AND a vibrator!"

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dear Erica,

    Scrub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the rub.

    XO,
    Your Vagina

    ReplyDelete
  13. SC -- ROFLMAO!! Hey, waitiminnit. I didn't actually INSERT the vibrating brush head! That's what the handle is for. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Way to think on your feet! Electric toothbrushes can work quite well, err, that's what I hear anyway. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Masturbation is a touchy subject and technology is overrated. That YouTube video of 'Weeds' made me giggle as did your vibrant story, Erica. :)

    Ok. Don't all groan at once. It might send ripples my way and jar me out of a sound sleep.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Lea -- well, it wasn't perfect. It was LOUD. And it kept shutting off every two minutes. :-D

    Bree -- touchy subject! Nyuk nyuk!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Can we still not joke about the eel?

    Jon

    ReplyDelete
  18. Bwahahahaha....OMG!

    I know all about dead batteries at the worst moment!

    If you have a tub, turn on the water full force (comfortably warm, of course) and just slip yourself underneath, feet up on the wall.

    Does the job wonderfully!

    Altho, I have entertained the thought of buying an electric toothbrush that serves ONLY this purpose! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Jon -- too tempting, huh?

    Sarah -- hey! (Waving) That positioning sounds a bit uncomfortable! But I guess it's all part of desperate measures. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Way tempting because eels are electric too.

    Jon

    ReplyDelete
  21. Are you turning into Amy Farrah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory?

    Her toothbrush is called "Gerard"

    ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Al -- LOL! Nooooo, not quite. I do love Amy, dear frumpy genius that she is. And if I had a boyfriend like Sheldon, I'd be on first-name intimate terms with my toothbrush, too.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hahahahahaha! FANTASTIC! That's rather ingenious of you, Erica! Well...uh...played.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Craig -- never underestimate the resourcefulness of a woman in need. (snicker)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oh Erica

    What a rush, er... brush with destiny. I have a deep abiding respect for the ingenious. A little snicker too!

    ):)

    Emanuele

    ReplyDelete
  26. I don't know how I missed this. Always looking for my snarkangle. Brain dead, I guess.

    I used one of those face cleanser/massager things with a wash cloth wrapped around it. Sucker did nothing but break out my face, but used for the right purpose -- magic.

    But I think worse was when fave vibe died, not really dead but dying, and I knew I had batteries. Just a short trip across the room. I tried to tell myself, don't do it. But I got up, dripping lube, carrying vibe dripping lube, opened drawer with lube smeared fingers, somehow got lube smeared batts into lube smeared vibe, dripped back across the room, and the damn thing worked.

    Someone looks out for drunks and desperate kinks.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Emanuele -- I think, sometimes, ingenious is just another word for desperate. :-)

    Sin -- aha! I knew someone would admit to it!

    Emen -- at least you had the batteries!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Erica is the Mistress Of Her Domain!!

    And here is MUSIC FOR MAGICAL MOMENTS!

    An award-winning entry, Ms Scott!!

    All of which reminds me of a tale...

    One of my best buddies and her husband are Officially Vanilla, but she is far from boring. For example, at my suggestion, she changed our Boss's computer home page to Shadow Lane while he was on vacation. She even snickered at some of my early WolfieToons.

    So messing around the web one day, the two of us found a picture that cracked us up. I saved it, and when I started posting things at the MSN Southern California Spanked Wives Club, I shocked the Three Managers by including it as one of my offerings.

    They each wrote me lovely and apologetic notes, hoping that I wouldn't be annoyed that they removed my post because they felt it might offend some of the members, and it didn't have anything to do with "spanking," anyway. I could have humorously argued that last point, but, no, I wasn't annoyed in the least.

    So at the risk of re-shocking One of Those Managers, THIS IS THE PICTURE!

    That is absurd humor. I'm not cruel, I've loved and been owned by many cats. Maybe that's why the thing is so funny. That, and the little plaintive and pathetic face at the bottom.

    But Phil "overbarrel" told me that my WolfieToons have caused considerable kitten killage.

    SO-- REMEMBER!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. You know what?

    Instead of writing all that, I wish I had just mentioned the Ipana Beaver.

    Oh, well.

    ReplyDelete
  30. A one-time investment in the HItachi Magic Wand will save you from ever having to replace batteries again. And the, ahem...quality...is far superior.
    I'm sure that Santa would be happy to put one under your tree (or whatever) this year.

    (Love)
    Dana

    ReplyDelete
  31. Wolfie -- like I mentioned on your blog, I swear I don't remember this picture at all! LOL Then again, I did see about 20 million pictures when I was co-managing SCSW.

    Dana -- yup, I've heard the praises of Hitachi sung many times. Those little fu... er, puppies are expensive, no? But as they say on L'Oreal commercials, I guess I'm worth it. :-D

    ReplyDelete
  32. Ok I don't know what kind of electric toothbrush you have, but the ones I've seen cost FAR more than any vibrator.

    And now I must go google the hitachi magic wand...

    I feel very corrupted. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  33. Ana -- Phillips Sonic-Care. Corrupted? Nahhhh... enlightened! :-D

    ReplyDelete
  34. *snicker* You had me at taking care of business! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Kat -- I figured I'd use the grown-up term as well, so I wouldn't sound like Anastasia Steele and her stupid "down there" references! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  36. Good grief, you could buy a hitachi for that price and have enough money left over for some steamy ebooks to get you going! Yes, I did price it. :P

    If I resent 50 shades for anything (besides making a ton of money for bad writing), I resent it for using my name. At least I go by Ana most of the time, but professionally it's Anastasia. Grr.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Ana -- yup, I'd say there are two names that are ruined due to crappy fan-fic -- Anastasia and Bella!

    ReplyDelete