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Sunday, September 9, 2012

Fun with weddings

What a difference a week makes. Last weekend, I was in Vegas, enjoying all manner of spanking debauchery. And then this weekend, I was at a vanilla wedding. OK, I dressed up for both (but, as John put it, not quite as slutty for the second one), and got to dance at both. The resemblance ends there. I'm glad the latter is over. The former, I could revisit again and again.

It was a nice wedding, I have to admit, in a lovely place with a gorgeous reception area and then a beautiful courtyard set up for the dinner and dancing. But I'm just not into weddings. Across the aisle, I could see John's brother's wife crying. Me? I wanted to roll my eyes when they had Scripture readings. (And it didn't help when John kept leaning over and whispering "WTF??" in my ear.) But I damn near lost it when John's niece, speaking her written vows, blurted, "You totally complete me!" No. She did NOT just say that. Who says that, except Tom Cruise movie characters?? Still, I maintained control, just briefly dropping my eyes and biting my lip. I admit, though, she did look really cute when she did an exuberant fist-pump, flowers in hand, when they were pronounced husband and wife.

There was an open bar (of course) and servers walking around with trays of five different hors d'oeuvres, after the ceremony. Three of them were fried and the other two were loaded with cheese, so I passed. Weddings are fun places to people-watch, so I did so while John chatted with his relatives. Wandering outside, I saw the tables where we were to eat. Each plate had a placecard, and I found mine... all the way at the opposite end of the table from where John was seated. Excuse me? Not acceptable. I called John outside, and we snuck around the table, switching placecards. While we were at it, we discovered that his cousin and wife were separated too, so we put them back together as well. What were the arrangers thinking??

There were about a dozen different speeches before the dinner. John kept me entertained during those, whispering running commentary in my ear. He could afford to be critical. The other night at the rehearsal dinner, John had given a speech, reciting some lovely words about strength of union and love conquering all -- in Latin! And he had memorized it! After that, the bride's uncle on her father's side got up and read a poem -- the first verse was something along the lines of "Greens are yeses, reds are maybes; let's get together, and make some babies." From the sublime to the ridiculous.

Dinner was tasty; they had a choice of prime rib, stuffed chicken breast or spinach ravioli. Lots of wine and champagne. And, oddly enough, there was a tiny cake for the bride and groom to cut, but the rest of us got assorted mini-tarts and pastries for dessert. When the dancing started, the mass quantities of consumed alcohol began kicking in and the evening turned a bit raucous. It was outdoors on a very warm summer night, and John finally shed his suit jacket; the poor man was sweating like crazy.

I found an unexpected ally in his sister-in-law C. I've known her for as long as I've known John, but she and I never really talked; she's in her early 40s. We ended up chatting a bit, and I sensed something, a sort of kinship, like somehow there was a lot she wasn't saying, but that she was thinking. So I took a chance, moved closer at one point and whispered, "I don't know how you do it. I mean, you actually married into this dysfunctional family." That was risky... but she responded. She opened up. And at the end of the evening, before she and her husband left, she said, "You know, we should all hang out sometime. You guys [John and me] are the only ones who are normal." HAH! If only she knew.

Gotta say, it was so gratifying and validating, when I told her about some stupid lecherous comment that John's inappropriate brother-in-law had said to me. Her jaw dropped and she screeched, "What a DICK!"

We left shortly thereafter, because things were getting louder and louder and it was clear it was going to morph into a drunken bacchanal in short order. I think seeing one somewhat under-dressed young woman jump onto another woman's back, piggyback style, was a bit of a hint. So we pushed our way through the sweaty throng on the dance floor, saying goodbye to the bride, the groom, John's sister. Tangled up in the bodies, I distinctly smelled pot. Yup, it was time to go.

I wish them well. I hope they will be OK, will have a nice life. I know John has a special affection for his niece, since he's her godfather as well. I know he wishes things with his family were different. Sometimes, my heart hurts for him. Yeah, all families are screwed up in their way and his isn't all bad. But the difference between John and me? I accepted long ago that my family was pretty much the pits and that I preferred to maintain a certain detachment from them. John, however, has never stopped yearning for the closeness, the validation, the blood-is-thicker-than-water thing. I know he hoped that growing older would bring them all closer. I watched him last night, chatting enthusiastically with a cousin he rarely sees (in fact, the last time he saw him was the last family wedding, over 10 years ago). He misses that; I know he does. Me? I'll take my spanking family. They get me. Not my blood relatives.

OK! Got through it. And now tomorrow is my reward; Mr. D returns. :-)

Hope everyone had a nice weekend.


  1. I love weddings, even though they can get very cookie-cutter at times. It's a nice excuse to get dressed up. BUT, the important thing is tomorrow! I can't wait to hear all about it!


  2. Weddings aren't our thing. We would have left long before the dancing began. Ron would also have whispered, "WTF" or worse, during the Scripture readings.

    I'm so glad you found a kindred spirit of the vanilla variety in C. You must have pulled it off to have her think you two are "normal".


  3. Sounds like John provided the entertainment within the entertainment. I know he made me laugh at BBW's Spanking Court. :)

    And WHAT is it about weddings that make the lecherous drunken male relatives feel free to kiss younger relatives on the mouth-happened to me waaayy too many times to count in my day. YUCK!!!

  4. I am glad you found an ally at the wedding. I can just imagine John's comments. LOL. He has a terrific sense of humor and is very witty.

    Ditto Kelly's comments. That kind of disrespect makes me furious.

    I agree Erica, I prefer spanking parties as well.


  5. Hi Erica -- I am so glad you got through the vanilla wedding :-) I think a spanking wedding would be way more enjoyable and fun.Family isn't all about blood, it's about people that want you in their life and accept you for who you are :-)I can't wait to read about you and Mr.D.Have a GREAT day and night.Much Love and hug's from naughty girl Jade

  6. SC -- yes, I agree, MUCH more important. ;-)

    Hermione -- well, normal in relation to the rest of the family, which is pretty easy to pull off! lol

    Kelly -- oh, gross! My mother's father used to buss me on the mouth when I was little. I thought it was disgusting then, and I still do.

    joey -- John always provides running commentary. Even after the fact. Yesterday, after brunch, we were sitting around relaxing and out of nowhere, he looked at me and said, "Those hors d'oeuvres sucked, didn't they?

    Jade -- I've seen a couple of spanking weddings! And yes, they are way more fun.

  7. I'm sorry to hear that the weekend after SL was rather stressful, Erica. I hope you are going to have a good time with Mr. D, though! And thank you for having shared your SL experiences. It is different to read SL reports after having been there last year. Do you know what really made me envy you? The foot massage! I'm without Ludwig right now, I can't see him again until I have finished some important work (which might take about two more weeks) and I am in the process of recovering from a cold, so a lovely foot massage would be wonderful right now. ;-)

  8. Kaelah -- so hard to wait, I know! But you will see him before you know it. You know, the Shadow Lane party is not a place where I would expect to get a foot massage -- but it was lovely indeed!

  9. I'll take the spanking family too. ;-) I think we're less odd than the average vanilla family. Lol. I was at a family member's wedding just last night and was whispering comments to my brother as the bishop rambled on and on. Sometimes I think they should write down a short speech in advance. There were moments where we were thinking "Uh, WTF is he talking about? Get on with it!"

  10. Lea -- Ha! Oh, you should have heard some of the rambling speeches people made during the toasting portion. John leaned over and whispered to me, "This guy DOES know he's at a wedding, right?" Yeeesh.