Do u butter those buns?
No, I use Smart Beat margarine.
I am a do who is interisted in spanking. Nothig else.
I believe it. Clearly you're not interisted [sic] in spelling properly. You're not a do, you're a don't.
Sir found your profile quite interesting. It appears W/we share several interests. Particularly, your ability to express your desires.
I'm a well-educated secure professional who has been in the Lifestyle for over 20 years. That experience allows ME to understand MY partner’s needs and desires so that I can fully “explore” and “expand” them.
To find a person that truly understands MY desires is quite rare. In reading your profile, I see someone who possibly shares MY interests and is compatible with MY way of life. Importantly, I see a person who appreciates the wonder of this unique Lifestyle.
Where to begin... 1. Referring to yourself in the third person is pretentious. 2. MY, MY, MY... not too full of yourself, are you? 3. My profile had absolutely nothing in it that was compatible with your "Lifestyle." Admit it -- you were just looking at my ass. 4. You're boring. Fuck off.
Hi there erica I'm also in so
Oh, so tempting to take "god spanking" and run with it. But I don't want to offend anyone, so this naught grl is going to refrain.
Best for last, as always:
HI, WE HAVE CHATTED BEFORE U R SOOOOOO RIGHT I WANT U TO CUM 4 ME THEN I KNOW I SPANKED YOU AND U LOVED THE SCENE---ITS ABOUT MAKING MY PARTNER HAPPY WITH A RED RED ASS---U IN SUN-DRESS IN PARK WITH ME---THONG PANTIES ON SO I LIFT DRESS TAKE YOUR SANDAL + PADDLE U WHEN JOGGERS RUN BY MMMMMM BET I COULD MAKE U COMMMMM MORE MORE LOVE PUBLIC PLAY WITH BEAUTIFIL WOMAN LIKE YOU MMMM NOW IM HARD---GO GET MY BELT YOUNG LADY--GET IN CORNER AND WAIT 4 YOUR SPANKING---HOLD UP THAT DRESS NOW U BAAAAAD LIL GIRL. MMMMMM LOVE DADDY.
What do I love more having a ration of stupid crap spewed at me, kids? Having that ration spewed in ALL CAPS. Stop shouting, you moron. Actually, stop talking and stop typing while you're at it. I'm afraid you have "commmmming" confused with vomiting.
Hope I brought you some laughs. Have a great weekend, y'all. :-)
Thank you!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI nearly choked on my water at least 3 times reading these email masterpieces.
"Sir" writes like a pretentious Uber Dbag. The chances of YOU molding yourself to fulfill ANY one's desires are about as likely as Hell freezing over. :)
The sandal to bum spanking is FOUL to envision. Who knows what our shoes contact on a daily basis. Yuck!
As for nearly making me spew water on my monitor...Git 2 da kornerr yung ladeey! LOL!!!!!!!
Kelly -- :-D Glad you enjoyed.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the spanked-with-footwear thing. Gross. However, in this case, I think I'd rather be spanked with my own sandal than that guy's hand. Who the @#$% knows where THAT'S been. (retch)
Hi Erica -- Hehehehe LOL i couldn't stop laughing :-)Good thing i wasn't drinking anything i would of choked LOL.Ewwww some of the thing's those moron's write you is GROSS.I agree your own sandal is better than his hand UGH.Wishing you and John a nice weekend,much Love and hug's from your naughty girl Jade :-)
ReplyDeleteErica,
ReplyDeleteHilarious as always but the last one just makes me CRINGE! Sometimes I feel like the computer store should do a "moron test," and if a person fails, they lose the right to a caps lock button. IMHO...
Thanks for the laugh Erica. In some men, there must be some defect in the male genetic code that is triggered by keyboards.
ReplyDeleteHope you have a great weekend.
Jade -- glad you enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteBeth -- I really don't get it. Why type in all caps? Is it *that* difficult to press a shift key??
Joey -- some women, too! Trust me. :-)
LMAO. You made my day Erica. I believe I actually recognized some of them who also wrote to me... ;-)
ReplyDeleteNathalie -- I don't doubt it. These cretins get around. :-)
ReplyDeleteDon't be too hasty about that last one. Being spanked in a public park while joggers run by sounds like quite a hot fantasy:-) Too bad he ruined it with his caps lock.
ReplyDeleteI have a vanilla correspondent who uses nothing but caps, and he also inserts ----- after every few words. He says caps are easier for him to read. A mainframe, dumb-terminal man?
Thanks for the ChoS.
Hugs,
Hermione
GOOD ONES !!!!!! -----
ReplyDeleteShocking and hilarious as always, Erica! :-)
ReplyDeleteHermione -- oh, I agree. The fantasy itself is hot. But not with him, for sure! :-)
ReplyDeleteEmen -- LOL! Very funny. I thought so too.
Kaelah -- they really are something, aren't they?
Oh wow. Morons unite! Lol! Have you ever read the "Rules of the Internet" meme? "#31- CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL." That last guy must have hypothermia.
ReplyDeleteLea -- (snort) Caps lock is 1) shouting and 2) laziness. Not in the least bit cool! But I guess everyone needs a rationale. :-)
ReplyDeleteI HAVE READ THIS IN ITS ENTIRETY, AND I AM NOW GOING OUT TO BUY NEW SANDALS FOR JUST IN CASE I RUN INTO THAT LAST GUY. AS YOU CAN SEE I'M SENDING HIM A SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE, .. JUST IN CASE HE READS YOUR BLOG TOO.
ReplyDeleteZelle -- oh yeah, that's subliminal, all right. ;-)
ReplyDeleteHi Erica
ReplyDeleteI thought that I had a difficult time expressing myself in a coherent manner. These are just too sad for words. I do admit that spell check has helped me to make a better impression cause I still can't spell very well. I hope that you have a fabulous time in Vegas this year. I still have not grown a pair and found a way to attend myself. I am looking forward to vicariously enjoying the event in words and pictures on your blog.
hugs
Emanuele
Emanuele -- I think you express yourself just fine. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm a little late to the game on this one, but I love how one of the letters starts with a "Sir" and then proceeds to indicate how your profile was found to be so interesting. Hmm. Forget the love of the butt shots. How about a decent salutation?
ReplyDeleteAnd the guy who likes to spank "naught" girls? I would be incredibly insulted (in a whole NEW way) on that one! You are more than a zero in my book!
Craig -- Har! That's a good catch! :-D
ReplyDelete