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Monday, October 24, 2011

Tension Be-Gone

If spanking's stress-release properties could be bottled as a drug, that could be its commercial name. I almost always want spanking, but sometimes, I really, really, really freaking NEED it. Crave it soul-deep. Tonight was one of those times.

I love John, truly I do. His family? Notsomuch, as most of you know by now. Are they rude to me? No, they're perfectly pleasant to me, most of the time. It's John they aren't so nice to. He's always been the picked-on one in the family -- first because he was the youngest, and then later simply because he's different from them. (and thank God for that)

But oh, when they need something? An able body to help move things? Or, more often, money? Then he's Johnny the Cash Cow! And what drives me absolutely spitting insane is that no matter what they ask of him, he does it. He has this blind familial loyalty, and they don't deserve it.

So when he told me that his eldest sister wanted to meet with him Sunday morning, my first thought was, "What does she want?" And sure enough... "We need to talk about Mom." Their 84-year-old mother still lives in her own apartment, with the siblings taking turns visiting, taking her out, etc., and some hired help coming during the week to do things for her. But she's getting too addled to live on her own.

One plan was for John's brother, sister-in-law and nephew to take her in. However, they'd need a bigger house. And that's where John comes in, of course. To chip in his healthy share of the down payment, because he makes more money than the other three. Mom has a good chunk of liquid cash, but not enough.

"I'll have equity in the house," he said. "You already have a house," I pointed out. "You don't need their damn equity." Yeah, he makes good money. But he's going to need that money, for when he has to retire early and have open heart surgery. And I guaran-damn-tee none of his family will be around when HE's in need.

So, I was pissed, I admit it. I get so frustrated at his willingness to always help people who aren't particularly nice to him. Blood, shmud. I hate seeing him taken advantage of. Whenever one of his sisters says something snarky about him to me, I silently grit my teeth. "We think you're a saint for putting up with him." Well, I think he's the saint for living with you guys all those years and not putting arsenic in your Wheaties.

And where exactly will this new house be? If John's sister has her way, it will be right near HER, for her convenience. However, John's mom now lives five minutes from John, and it's easy for us to pick her up each Saturday for lunch. When she's farther away, are we still going to have to take her out every damn week? I'm not all that crazy about it now. I don't see my own mother, for God's sake. And when I did, it was once every couple of months, not every week. Yeah, I know. Stop borrowing trouble.

But I was tense about it yesterday, and to my chagrin, found I was still angry about it today. By the time ST got here, I was ready to ask him, "Please, be extra dominant tonight. I need it." But instead, I just came right out and told him I was in a MOOD, and why. And I spared no expletives or unpleasant rhetoric. Yes, I can be a right bitch sometimes.

Did I get a sympathetic ear?? Noooooooooooooooo! OK, OK, maybe at first. But then he said I needed a damn good spanking for being so crabby and saying those things. "That's not fair!" I snapped. "I didn't say this stuff to John! I'm saying it to you! Aren't I allowed to have a confidante?"

"Yes," he said, "and I'm confidante that you're getting a spanking!"

Oh, grooooaaaaan.

Again with the heavy artillery again tonight, not much hand. But it's fine; I wanted it. I kicked and squirmed, but still raised upward for more.

Candid shot he snuck in of my face; what was I doing, biting my knuckle?
















He was laying it on me so hard tonight, he actually let me rub. He usually doesn't, the big meanie-face.
















The anger flew out of my pores. I made furious sounds, I pounded the bed and glared ferociously at him. He responded by firmly pushing down on the small of my back or gripping my hair. He wasn't going to let me get away with any of my crap, and I wouldn't have wanted him to.

He was giving me exactly what I needed, and he knew it.

See the fist?
















He prevailed, of course. As it should be. I calmed down, stopped fighting, absorbed it with deep breaths and focus.

"You need this, don't you? You need it hard and fast, don't you?"

"Yes," I groaned. "Yes, yes, YES!" If anyone had been listening in, they might have thought we were filming porn. But nope... this was therapy. This was sweet relief, in an unorthodox but most effective manner.

A non-candid face shot -- yow. Good thing he's thick-skinned, huh? One might think I hate his guts or something. :-)



















Afterward? Wonderfully, blissfully relaxed. I could have fallen asleep snuggled in his arms. Peacefully happy, smiling, practically purring. He came in to a porcupine and left a kitten.

John and I are OK, by the way. He was even joking with me during brunch yesterday. "So, let me make sure we're clear, sweetie," he said, cutting a forkful of his omelet. "The idea of moving you and Mom into my house, so you could take care of her during the week while I'm at work, isn't an option?" I smiled at him and didn't reply. Instead, I picked up my knife and pretended to cut my wrist.

ST, you are the absolute best. Thank you, my confidante. :-)

18 comments:

  1. Whoa! Take a gander at that arsenal in "the fist" pic! No wonder you were balling up the meat hook! I think ST's incredibly fortunate --considering he didn't tie ya to the bed for his own safety tonight!

    There's nothing like a dominant Top to cure what ails ya.. is there? :-)

    Today.. at high noon.. I'll remind myself to channel Erica's strength and will power.. cause I'll be getting a whole helluva lotta stress relief at that hour.. ohhh woe is me (NOT) .. I have the feeling I've been sending one subliminal message too many in emails and Fet wall posts -- and I have now poked the bear and released the beast! (eeeep!)

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  2. Zelle -- nope, nothing like it. :-)

    Rut roh, as you would say! Good luck, darlin'.

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  3. I empathize with you and John; it is great that you have each other. I am glad you were able to release some tension thanks to ST. :D

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  4. Hi Erica,Sorry that your going through all this stress :-( STRESS SUCKS.Looking at your pic's of you and the one's with your fist i can tell that your VERY upset and stressed out :-( I know that feeling all too well cause i feel that way right now :-( Wish someone could give me a stress relief spanking cause i am craving a spanking VERY badly. I am happy that ST helped you release alot of stress :-)I wish John's family would be nicer to him :-( He is a GREAT guy he doe's NOT deseve to be treated like crap he deserve's respect. I am happy that you and John got each other cause you are a WONDERFUL couple, Love you both ALWAYS :-)Big Hug's from your naughty girl Jade XOXO

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  5. When my grandfather became unable to live on his own in his apartment, we moved him to an assisted living home near where we live. I came to dread the telephone calls--it was always something--and to be honest he was not the world's most pleasant man. For six years I had anxiety attacks about anything to do with my grandfather. Despite his plethora of infirmities, it seemed that he might be destined to live forever. (In fact, he did not pass away until he was 99 1/2.)

    At first, I tried to visit with him regularly because I felt sorry for him having outlived all other relatives and connections. But as time went by he couldn't hear very well and so it was difficult to have any kind of conversation with him. He would get cantankerous and impatient with me--basically, he found me boring. His comments were insulting and bigoted. I realize he came from a different generation, but he was still offensive. I started visiting less and less frequently. By the time he was in a nursing home, I could barely manage to visit at all. I felt guilty for being so selfish, but the anxiety was unmanageable. Finally I became ill with walking pneumonia and asthma. I had laryngitis and couldn't talk or catch my breath. He passed away last February, and it was a tremendous relief to me.

    I don't know where I'm going with this--your post just brought it all back home to me. Unfortunately I didn't have an ST to help me through the difficult times. I don't envy your situation with your mom or John's family, but thank god you have ST (and John) to support you.
    :-)

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  6. joey -- me too!

    Jade -- it's OK. I'm feeling better. :-)

    Dana -- and that story is exactly why I don't see my mother. I have to take care of me first. Unfortunately, John takes care of John last. (sigh)

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  7. To me blood ties are meaningless when they treat each other like roadkill. Early in life I learned who loved me and who didn't. As an adult I treat those with kindness who do the same to me and discard from my life those who don't...ESPECIALLY blood ties.

    As for you, Miss Scott, you have the best therapy money doesn't HAVE to buy-the man who is ST. You 2 read each other incredibly well and have the ultimate spanking partnership. Yay for you! :)

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  8. Kelly -- you and I are in the minority with that credo, I'm afraid.

    Note to self: If, God forbid, I should ever lose John, my next relationship needs to be an orphan AND an only child. Either that, or his family has to live somewhere far away. Like on Mars.

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  9. Erica, I'm curious. You, of all people - why grit your teeth when his family says mean things about him? You are very clever with words - I'm sure you could come up with a reply that would shut them up kindly. No one should blame you for defending your guy (I know - they might, but who gives a rats?). Get if off your chest and it might relieve some of your tension!

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  10. Karyn -- I'd love to, believe me. But one has to pick one's battles. Anything I say would fall on deaf (or in his eldest sister's case, drunk) ears and wouldn't change a thing. If they hate me, that won't make them be nicer to him.

    I did bust his lecherous brother-in-law a couple of years ago when he made one too many inappropriate comments (in front of his kids, no less). THAT felt good. :-)

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  11. I'm really fond of the expression "fall on drunk ears." I'm filing that one away for later :D

    I'm glad you go the stress relief you needed! There really is no better way :)

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  12. Alex -- I agree. For people wired like us, it's the best, for sure. :-D

    John and I just spent the last 1 1/2 hours on the phone talking about his family. I'm feeling some relief... it was good to talk it out.

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  13. "Yes," he said, "and I'm confidante that you're getting a spanking!"

    I laughed and groaned at the same time. Lol. He's almost as quick with those retorts as you are! Happy you found a way to relieve your stress. Family stuff can certainly be frustrating. I'm not a fan of the "well they're family" as being a reason to have to help with EVERYTHING either.

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  14. Lea -- he kinda has to be quick, you know? ;-)

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  15. I know about the "family" stuff, too. When my mom was in a dementia facility, (fortunately she still knew all of us and had her sense of humor), there were some in the family that thought I wasn't spending enough time with her. I was a bit ticked off to say the least. I lived an hour's drive away for crying out loud! My brother, who was in town and much closer didn't see her much more than I did. Mom stuck up for me and that kind of shut the noise up a bit. Then my dad wanted me to spend an hour with her each time I visited. There were days I couldn't do that and I figured seeing her was better than not seeing her. I went every week, even after I was very sick with a PE, and I have no regrets about it. Mom was happy with the amount of time I was able to be with her. The day before she died, I was with her all afternoon, as she wanted me to be and I would have stayed all night, but she didn't want me to. She spared me being with her when she died and I was willing.

    I will say that I do have a pretty good relationship with my family, especially my brother. We have lunch together frequently and he pays for it! I can't complain. :-)

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  16. Bobbie Jo -- if you went once a week, they'd want twice. If you spent an hour, they'd want two. We do what we can, and no more. As Rick Nelson once sang, "You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself."

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  17. I completely understand spank-therapy... Plenty of times I've had to ask for more.. and sometimes it exasperates him! .... he's all exhausted and tired.... saying things like, 'They're all gonna think I'm the meanest sonuvabitch alive!' :D

    (You should hear some of our blooper reals) B-)

    Anyway, sometimes you just gotta be broken... not always just physically, but emotionally, too.. My latest session was like that... and I'm all the better for it.

    I've said it before and I'll say it again... us spankos? WE'RE the lucky ones. :-)

    Btw - you have a published book? I'm so getting one!

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  18. Debs -- I'd read your "Facing Punishment" blog, and I felt sick with fear on your behalf! But I know you needed to go there. And obviously you survived it, 'cause here you are. :-)

    Yup... links to my books are on the right side, under "Follow Me on Twitter."

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