Interesting question

While wandering through the blogosphere last night, I happened upon a post by Ronnie about watching ourselves being spanked in a mirror. She asked if bottoms have done so and how they feel about it. I commented that I don't like it; it makes me squirmy and I want to duck my head or close my eyes. Ronnie then asked me if I was happy to watch my spanking videos with other people. I thought I'd reply to that here, rather than hijacking her blog.

Watching myself on video with others is a whole different ball game from when I'm watching by myself. The nifty catch-all answer is "It depends on the video, and who is watching with me." But that's not very satisfying, is it.

I realize this seems like a topic restricted to the "pros," but really, it isn't. Not in this age of Spanking Tube and Clips 4 Sale and the plethora of amateur content out there. Any spankos can turn on a cell phone or a video camera and then put the results up on the Net. So for anyone who has done this, do you watch yourself with others present? How does it feel for you?

My reactions are mixed; there are parts I enjoy. Believe it or not, what I like most is my sass and zingers -- watching/hearing those with others present makes me giggle. I love their reactions, their shocked gasps. "Oh, you did NOT just say that." It's fun. And I do like the wide-angle action shots, because they look lively and showcase both the top and the bottom (me).

What do I hate? I'm sure you know where this is going. Yup... the close-ups. The "money shots." I know in porn, that term means something else entirely, but in spanking video, it's the peekaboo shots. The straight-on camera angle that makes me feel like I'm in a gynecologist's/proctologist's office. Come on, y'all. Shoot a little off to the side, will ya? If I'm watching with gal pals, I'm especially squirmy during those moments. I mean, I don't think my girlfriends want to know me that intimately. If I'm watching with John or someone I've played with, I figured they've seen it all anyway. But still... it's weird to watch. Let's be honest; some people's privates are prettier than others'. I don't happen to think mine are.

Being thin and compact has its disadvantages in this instance. I can slam my legs tightly closed and keep them that way, and it won't matter. Everything still shows. Yeeeesh.

Silly things will make me feel self-conscious. I will often kick wildly on camera, and once, when watching Stand Corrected with a friend, she commented that I looked like I was swimming. Whenever my kicking got particularly vigorous, she'd laugh and say, "Swim, Erica, swim!" I know she meant absolutely no ridicule with that, but it felt a little uncomfortable nonetheless. Not sure why.

I have to remember that I'm the only one watching who is picking my body and face apart. Others are seeing me overall and enjoying the performance.

I wrote about this in my book, but it fits in perfectly here: That uber-surreal moment when I was watching Spank Thy Neighbor for the first time, with my co-star on my left and John on my right... and that scene came on. OhhhhKay. I could hear Ralph trying not to chuckle, and John huffing "Well, now." When we filmed that, I shut out the cameras and disappeared into my head. But watching it, there was no place for me to go! :-D

So, the answer to Ronnie's question is the ever-popular Yes and No. It's exciting and titillating in part, but a bit skeevy in others. Of course, in my case, it's not that much of an issue. It's not I like I have people over every day to watch my video library. I'm simply not that social. :-)