PLEASE NOTE: This blog contains adult subjects and content, and because of Google/Blogger's recent nonsense, I HAVE MOVED TO WORDPRESS. For my enlightened friends who wish to visit me in my new home, it's Please bookmark it!

The rest of you? Please take your judge-y selves somewhere more wholesome, like here:

Go on.... shoo!

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

My not-so-secret secret

Let's review, kids (channeling Jules here): What's one of the biggest ongoing debates in the spanko world that will never have a definitive answer? That's right. Spanking + sex: yes or no?

I'm not going to debate that here today. Anyone who knows me, knows where I am on this. I happen to prefer keeping spanking and sex separate. Just like my cake-and-ice-cream analogy; I love both of those treats, but I don't like them mushed together on the same plate.

Please don't misunderstand me and think I don't like sex. I love it. However, when I'm in spanko mode, my needs are different. After a spanking, especially an intense one, my primary need is to be held and soothed. I need to feel contact, but more in a tender, caressing vein than in a sexual one.

I know a lot of people don't get this. In fact, sometimes I think the majority of spankos out there do prefer sex with their spanking. And more power to them -- enjoy all you can! Then there's the occasional gem like this, which I just received this morning:

Are you serious? How do you expect someone to pull up your dress, revealing your hot ass and legs encased in nylons and heels - not want to fuck you after they spank you???? Makes no sense

Makes no sense to you, honey. So I guess that means there's no room for discussion. Buh-bye.


Does this mean I don't get sexually aroused by spanking? Hell, no.

And after I'm back down to earth, after the subspace has lifted, yeah. Sometimes I do crave sexual release.

Because I have carefully drawn boundaries out of respect for John, sex with my play partners is not on the table. So when the need strikes during the week, I take care of it myself.

I've made no secret of the fact that I use a vibrator. I even wrote a silly post about it here. And I've experienced men using vibrators on me.

It used to be that I'd wait for my tops to leave (sometimes just barely). I joked with one of them that if he walked outside of my apartment and then listened carefully, he could probably hear me screaming. (Yes, I'm loud.) I never masturbated in front of any man -- sounds strange to some of you, I'm sure! But I was intensely private that way. A dichotomy, to be sure. Wanna spank me? Gather the audience, the bigger the better. But sex is between me and my partner, and no one else. Or between me and me, if it's self-pleasuring.

Until now. 

Steve didn't want me to do it after he left. He wanted to watch me.

At first, I felt squirmy and vulnerable. I didn't think I could do it; I thought I'd be too distracted. But he simply sat off to the side, not speaking, not touching, letting me concentrate. I shut my eyes tight and disappeared into the sensations, and then there it was.

He watched. And afterward, when I was shaking and recapturing my breath, he commanded me to lie still, don't move, rest. He then wrapped me in the comforter and held me, just as he had after the spanking. Told me how beautiful I was.

Perhaps it's part of the top experience for him. Watching me completely lose control, while he maintains his. I don't know. I don't understand how it all works. I only know that it does. Even after all these years and at my somewhat advanced age, I can still experience "firsts."

Once in a while, with my permission, he takes pictures. He's a man; he likes visuals. :-) He gives them to me, just as he gives me all the photos he takes. I've deleted them, because I don't find them appealing. However, one of them captured my bliss so perfectly, I had to keep it. I cropped it, of course. I prefer to leave certain things to the imagination. Then I gave it a black-and-white, softened treatment. I think it's sexy, but more artsy than porn-y. What do you think?

I debated for a long time about this post. Yes, I was shy about it. I may regret hitting "Publish." I may not. I may delete it. I may not. But for today, I felt like sharing another little piece of myself. And know that in doing so, I am still a sexy and desirable woman, even looking down the barrel of 56. ♥


  1. What a wonderful first, congratulations. It's a stunning photo.

  2. Wonderful post and just a totally sexy hot picture, love the black and white.

  3. Very Sensual, Beautiful picture and story! Thanks for sharing.

  4. Erica, its a matter of taste. Some spanko's enjoy sex after giving or receiving a spanking. Some don't. As for me, if my partner, and I wish 'wish to roll in the hay' so to speak after a spanking scene, that is an added pleasure for both of us. Especially if she is wearing garter-belt and stockings. XXX Luv ya.

  5. I guess I'm not as crazy as I thought. I used to think there was something wrong with me.

    I've always compartmentalized spanking and sex. I used to think it was because I started at such a young age, 6.

    Many women presumed I was gay because I didn't want sex after administering a long, hot spanking session. At parties, guys would laugh and think I didn't take care of what one called a "slam dunk". Uh, yeah. Not so much.

    Good to know I'm not the only one.

    Thanks for the perspective, Erica.

  6. Like you, we have always kept sex and spanking separate when we play with others. Call us old fuddies, that's the way we roll.

    The picture looks like Bacall does when all of her bones melt.

  7. Ron -- I like B&W photos too; there's something elegant about them. Thanks.

    Bob -- thank you, Mr. DJ. :-)

    Tommy -- thank you!

    Six -- of course. :-)

    Anonymous -- oh good grief, no, you're not at all crazy. It's just a different mindset, that's all. And obviously others share it, because if not, the big spanking parties would just be one giant orgy, wouldn't they? (and no, they're not!)

    OBB -- melting into the bed, that's exactly it.

  8. I never have sex on cam... I get it... for me that's a personal play thing and also I would never piss off my website members by getting my cock out - oh, GOD FORBID! sales would nosedive immediately, lol!

    However, I fully understand the does and don'ts and each to their own. Much like what happened with Steve, I think I'd have done the exact same thing as him and I have in private and play off cam. Sex though is with my lady and she doesn't want to appear online so that's as far as it goes about any "evidence" on my part ;)

    & that pic is pretty hot, Erica!

  9. John -- I often wonder why I'm so bold in one area and so shy in another. But I guess that's what makes humans so complex. :-)

  10. I think that's HOT!
    Typically I agree that I want to keep spanking and sex separate. But you have a great bond with a regular partner who happens to be very attractive to you. It's not unexpected to me at all. :)

  11. You did captured the bliss you're in with pic and it's wonderful...very sensual, yet leaving the rest to the imagination...It really is is sexy without being raw...I love it!

  12. I love that picture! I agree that it is artsy and sexy.

    I feel like I am a bit of an oddball when it comes to spanking and sex. With Stonehand, I get extremely aroused, no matter what kind of spanking he gives me. When I play with others, I get no such reaction. In my mind, I am able to completely separate the two.

    But I have begun to dabble in very light BDSM - more in the submission aspects (hair-pulling, blindfolds, mild choking), and have found myself reacting a bit. It's all very new for me, and I'm still in the exploration stages.

    Beautiful post. And vibrators are great. *wink

  13. Kelly -- it's all part of the trust, I think. I'm willing to be that vulnerable.

    Nancy -- aw, thank you. :-) It's hard to strike that balance sometimes.

    otkd -- you know what I say; whatever works! And explore away, pretty girl. This is all good stuff and those discoveries can be magical.

  14. I like the photo a lot. The B/W is perfect. Definitely artsy and sexy, buy it also seems very honest. And natural. Maybe it's sexy to me for those reasons.

  15. Anonymous -- thank you. :-) It was definitely an honest moment. I was in my own little world, flying.

  16. You just said what i tell other people or even argue with them, This is me so me.
    Thank you for writing this & very sexy & beautiful pics

  17. sherri -- no point in arguing, hon. People will believe what they believe. I just state what works for me. :-)

  18. Erica,

    I think your photo is absolutely beautiful. I say let's make 56 fantastic!

    I wouldn't presume to tell anyone how they should enjoy their spanking and sex. I'm just grateful that my life includes both.

    Big hugs,

  19. Hi Erica
    Great photo. You are a beautiful and expressive woman. You are a great spanking model, but have you ever done nude art modeling? I bet you would be supper good at that.

  20. Erica,

    Thanks for sharing. Wow. Hot. The photo of you face and bod is Hot.

    I have seen you IRL, not naked, but in real life. You are a hot and sexy woman with a very, very youthful bod.


  21. Spanking and sex are not connected for me. I may get turned on, but I stay in complete control, keeping my hands away from private parts.


  22. Bonnie -- I love when you comment! :-) Yes, let's be fantastic together.

    Anonymous -- thank you. I don't consider myself nude model material, but I appreciate the vote of confidence. :-)

    joey -- you're so sweet. Absolutely, during spanking, I don't want sexual stimulation at all. I find it distracting. I never was good at multitasking!

  23. Hi Erica -- That pic is so HOT :-) I don't categorize Spanking with sex,They are two separate things.It's so nice that you can trust your top,while you are pleasuring yourself.Trust is one of the main things in a good top :-) Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

  24. Dear Erica

    You probably are getting tired of hearing from me but I truly admire this about you. You know what you want and are not afraid of being clear about what you need. Woe to the would be top that thinks he knows better. I am so new to this, just about four by my reckoning and eager to expand my personal hands on experience, but it is really difficult to undo years of fear and doubt. As to that numbered barrel I am certain that you are only as young as you feel and if I had the opportunity to find out for myself, you would feel much younger to me.



  25. Jade -- you're absolutely right; it is. :-)

    Emanuele -- thank you. You're very kind. I'm lucky enough to have learned over the years what works and what doesn't, for me. I always wished I had started exploring sooner, but better late than never, certainly.

  26. Hi Erica
    I'm on the same page as you with spanking and sex. Both are intertwine for sure but the are separate events. I can enjoy sex without spanking and spanking without sex. I'm in a Ds relationship and sexual release is not allowed after a punishment spanking.

    That's is and awesome picture it really captures the intensity of the moment in a very artful way. I love the black and white too
    I have been following your blog but have not been able to post a comment for a while as I only had and iPhone, I finally got a tablet which is much easier to comment with


  27. Sex and spanking are only linked in our household if my wife desires it. Then it might involve me bringing her to orgasm but never me.

  28. Glen -- hi and welcome! I think the sexual release is great if someone wants it. I know many who think consider spanking to be foreplay. I'm just in a different camp, I guess. :-)

    Michael -- interesting! I like hearing from couples on this, how it works for them.

  29. I'm sure it is part of his toppy feeling. Just sitting there until you do as told. But I'd also say it must be more than that: care, graciousness, ...

    With us, she often, does, sometimes does not feel like it. I don't care too much - and THAT makes that, in the end, she always enjoys.

  30. I find myself falling in love with you from afar x

  31. MrJ -- yes, you're right. There is definitely caring behind it. He genuinely delights in seeing my pleasure.

    Anonymous -- :-) Well, thank you.

  32. You can't be 56! If you are, then it means I am 5* and that isn't possible, because I sure as hell feel a whole lot younger most of the time. I love your picture, and it was very tasteful to render it in B&W. I think we all look better in shades of grey (forgive the pun, please! I didn't mean it!)

    What an interesting milestone that you had with Steve.... I think you know where I stand on sex and spanking, and for those of you that don't, it all depends on the situation and the individuals involved. There's no one rule that works for everybody. For my part, I do get sexually aroused by spanking and the thought of spanking, but that doesn't mean that sex has to be involved. That's my say and I'm sticking to it!

  33. Dana -- I will be, in nine days. And yes, I'll forgive your choice of expression -- it did make me giggle. :-)

  34. Thank you for sharing this. The narrative and the pic are great but, more that that, the separation of sex and spanking rang true with me...although from the opposite side.


  35. Spanknutt -- good to know, thank YOU.

  36. That is a very nice pic, you look at least 15 years younger! :)

  37. HOT, totally f*ing hot. So glad you posted it. :)

  38. slavemala -- wow, thank you very much. :-)

    Renee -- still feel a little weird about it, but ultimately, glad I did too. :-)

  39. I absolutely honor you for putting it up and think it's incredibly sexy, hot, vulnerable, real, and beautiful.

  40. What a sexy pic! I often do like spanking mixed in with sex, but not always sex mixed in with my spanking. If that makes any sense at all. It's great that you can feel comfortable enough with Steve to let yourself go in another way.

  41. Lea -- actually, that made complete sense. :-)