Ups and downs

Hard to believe the Shadow Lane party was just a week ago. It feels so much longer than that.

Around midweek last week, I started feeling small waves of post-party drop in between the bouts of writing, commenting, laughing and feeling lingering euphoria over all the fun memories. I shook the blues off Wednesday and then again Thursday. Little things were bothering me, but I chalked them up to the usual post-party letdown and refused to take them seriously.

Friday, I was happy that my party blog got "Chross'd." But then later, the drop returned, and the inevitable crash I'd been fending off hit late Friday night. J had fallen asleep on the couch and awoke to the sound of my sniffling beside him. Stupid.

It didn't help that yesterday we had to drive to see my mom and stepdad. Note to self: Do NOT plan anything depressing on the weekend following a wonderful spanking party. What usually feels unpleasant to me felt particularly unbearable yesterday. It takes about an hour-and-a-half to get to my folks' place from J's, but yesterday afternoon there was a surprising dearth of traffic and we got there in an hour-and-a-quarter. I told J, let's sit in the car and talk for a few minutes; I don't want to go in early. I know, I'm awful! (sigh)

Anyway, the visit was the usual. My mother's child-like joy to see me wrung my heart. Both she and my stepdad looked feeble and doddering and I was struck once again with the cruelty of life that goes on much longer in quantity than it does in quality. We went to dinner and then back to their place, which was stuffy and hot and the walls were closing in on me, so we dashed out of there at 9:00. The visit had only been 3 1/2 hours, but I couldn't help it. I'd run out of things to say and I couldn't look at either one of them any longer. My mother had asked for my address and phone number, so she could give them to her mother. Uhhhhh... Mom? Your mother passed away in 1981. "Really? She did? That long ago?" I can't stand it. I just can't.

When we got home, I felt profound fatigue and all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball in bed and go to sleep for about 12 hours. Fortunately, J knew what I needed better than I did. We were watching 48 Hours; the alleged murderers of four young girls had been interrogated for hours and hours by the police until they cracked and confessed, and then later recanted the confession. After the show, J took me by the hand and escorted me into the bedroom, saying he had some questions to ask me. "Nooooooooo," I groaned, knowing what was coming. "I'm too tired."

Thank goodness, he didn't listen.

We had an "interrogation" scene with the hairbrush. He kept trying to get me to confess to something or another (made up, of course), but I was too stubborn to do so. After a while, I guess he realized this couldn't go on forever, so he said we'd have to continue the interrogation with "a deeper probe." (blushing) Sorry if this is TMI, but I guess I really, really needed some wild sexual release, to feel attractive and wanted and exciting. I screamed and hollered the walls down.

Today I felt better, but tonight, back home, I'm feeling sad again. Oh, screw it. It is what it is. I'm reading notes and comments from others who are also going through post-party withdrawal, so this is nothing freakish. And it will pass. Soon, my interview with Richard will be up on his site; that will make me smile.

My job is to not think too much. It's not good for me when I'm feeling fragile.

Post-party odds and ends, and a dumb question

OK, here's the dumb question first: How do you guys, my readers, see my blog? I'm talking purely visuals here.

Let me explain. I have viewed my blog from my AOL browser and through Internet Explorer, and I've viewed it signed in and signed out of Blogger. No matter how I look at it, I see the same thing: All the print, the photos, etc. are on a white background. Then, surrounding that white background is a red-and-pink floral border.

This weekend, a friend came to me and said that he loved my blog but found it a bit hard to read with the floral background. Huh? I said the background is white and the flowers only surround it, but he said no... the entire background is floral and all the copy sits over that. Ugh!

No one else has commented about the readability or the overabundance of flowers, but that's certainly not what I want. I am not that girly! So please let me know what you see. It frustrates me to think that I'm seeing one thing and everyone else sees another.

The post-party drop is setting in. Nothing too heavy, no weepiness or anything like that, just a general blech. Perfectly normal after so much excitement. The party feedback, comments and messages have been flying all over the Shadow Lane board and on FetLife, and I've been having lots of fun with them. I got my blogs out rather quickly (I have to, so I won't forget), but others are just starting with theirs, so there is more fun reading to come. 

Oh, and Mike Tanner sent me the cell phone shot taken of my bottom on Saturday. It had already slightly faded, but here I am after five with the "family strap":

And allow me to amend something stated previously: I had said that our friend CO Carolyn had taken 20 with the family strap. She had not; she only took 18. That wimp. :-D

OK... I really do need to do something or another that's not post-party related. This week has been a complete wash!