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Monday, February 2, 2015

The FSOG stupidity continues, and continues, and continues

Well now. As we approach the February 14 release of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, the stupid is in full force. I honestly don't know how I'm going to survive this, folks. I'm already foaming at the mouth. (And thank you for ruining Valentine's Day, Universal Pictures.)

Never mind that the press is playing it up to death and silly, misguided women are wetting themselves in anticipation. Never mind that Jamie Dornan has publicly admitted that he had to "take a long shower before he would touch his wife and baby" after he came home from a BDSM dungeon, where he went for role research. Never mind that the effing thing will make another several gazillion dollars for E.L. Jackass and her godawful Wikipedia version of kink. So, so many reasons to be pissed off. But many more are coming.

Here are a couple just to get us warmed up. The New York Times published this article about how the sex-toy manufacturers are gearing up for a huge spike in sales after the movie comes out. Oh, swell. Thousands of wannabes flocking in, buying things they have no idea how to use. Look out, emergency rooms! I predict people will be visiting you in droves as well. In case you don't bother to read the entire article, here's possibly the most important and telling sentence of the whole thing -- the quote from Susan Colvin, president and chief executive of California Exotic Novelties: "A lot of the ways they describe the toys and the products in the book, E.L. James didn't get quite right." Gee, ya think?

But wait. Just to remind us that we're all a bunch of filthy sinners, we have this uber-judgmental little blog about why erotica is bad and we should fill ourselves with Jesus instead of dildos. Don't want to read the whole thing? I don't blame you. Here's a snippet:

How many buy into the lie—fleetingly or permanently—that pre-marital sex is better than God’s good gift of celibacy? How many tell themselves that bondage sex, violent sex, is a better expression of true love than the faithful, mutual self-giving that the Bible expounds?

I am about to lose my temper, and then my breakfast. Not sure in which order.

We struggle and struggle to gain a foothold in society, to be accepted at least on some level, to be known as real people (not cardboard cut-out fantasy book characters), and crap like this sets us back to the Dark Ages.

(sigh) Well, in order to keep my sanity through this, I must remember that not everyone out there is a mindless sheep. I found this razor-sharp indictment of the book from The New Republic, written last May by William Giraldi. Have no idea who this guy is, but I like him a whole lot.

OK. Rant over, for now.

EDIT: Earlier this morning, I posted this comment on the preachy article: "I haven't read anything this stupid since, well, Fifty Shades of Grey." Now I see the comment has been deleted. What a dick.


  1. I just saw the anouncement of Shades'' release at 2/14, this year. I was just wondering how many anonymous postcards I would receive with a picture of some toys, and a proposal to use them after a candlelight dinner. ;-))

  2. MrJ -- probably quite a few. But at least you'd know what to do with them.

  3. You haven't been inside Target or FYE latetly have you, Erica? You may want to consider avoiding those stores for a few months as they are a treasure trove of Fifty Shade items.

    Over priced and completely unnecessary.

  4. many buy into the lie that premarital sex is better than god's gift of celibacy? I do! I do!

    Now, if you wanted to bank some coin on all this you should have convinced one of those Kink Lite manufacturers (red heart furry handcuffs and other easily breakable "bondage" and "BDSM" toys) to license Fifty Shades for a line of merch, then taken a back-end participation for giving them the idea. You'd be rich. At least until the 15th of February and the movie reviews have come out.

  5. Loki -- never been to FYE, but I'm a regular Target visitor. Blech.

    Craig -- I'm afraid the movie reviews aren't going to make a bit of difference. The Missionary Mommies will flock to see it, regardless.

  6. I never get past the third chapter of the first book for the simple reason that the characters on South Park had more depth. And were better drawn.

  7. Chief -- I confess, I never read the whole thing either. I skimmed it, and I read excerpts. If I take a bite into an apple and it's rotten, I don't need to eat the whole thing to make sure it really is rotten.

  8. If you want a laugh at 50 Shades (I needed one), Time magazine ran an essay by Dave Barry. Pure silliness, which helped, and also spared me ever reading the book, since trying the Amazon sample was more than enough.
    ~ Ariel

  9. Sorry if I'm contradictory in what I write. I actually completely read the books. Aside from spanking/impact play 98% of what he was into does not appeal to me. But I disregarded my preferences and simply got caught up in the mystery and suspense of the scenes. And beyond the "kinky" play, there was real danger from nasty people in their pasts who tried to harm/kill both main characters. For this, I think it evolved into more of a mystery story.

    I do want to see the movie just because if nothing else it's promising to be "edgy" even though I'm not drawn to either actor at this point. On Facebook I read these 2 had challenges filming many of the more explicit scenes because they "have no chemistry". Supposedly his breath reeked because he loved to eat tuna and onion sandwiches before kissing scenes! LOL

  10. Hi Erica -- I saw a preview of this movie a few weeks ago, while I was at the movie's. This movie isn't too promising.The chemistry between the two characters wasn't right at all. I agree with you that, a lot of people might end up in the emergency room LOL.the article said they are also making bath salts.UGH soak in that and get one hell of a bladder infection etc.Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade/Emily Jean

  11. Ariel -- I will definitely look that up. I like Dave Barry.

    Kelly -- didn't you find that it was poorly written, though? Kink or no kink, didn't you find the dialogue appalling? "Holy triple crap!" "Laters, baby!"

    Tuna and onion??? Blecchh! That's not very considerate... but he does sound like kind of an ass.

    Jade -- yeah, I'm going to pass.

  12. Oh YES. I HATED that repeated phrase, "Laters, Baby!" "Inner Goddess" was also pretty puketastic! :)

  13. Kelly -- I did tell you about the one blogger who wrote, "I hope her Inner Goddess drowns in the fucking bathtub," yes? :-D That made me howl.

  14. Sam Taylor Johnson is an intelligent woman and a talented director and artist (her previous feature film Nowhere Boy was excellent). She's taken an appallingly written novel - but like it or not the author's sexual imagination - and attempted to give it some narrative and dramatic shape.

    As to the bollocks written about it - what do we expect, especially from the UK and US, two nations with hypocritical and immature attitudes to sexual expression - especially women's
    I'll reserve judgement on the movie 'til I see it.
    Bad though 50 Shades was we don't get to police people's fantasies
    We're fortunate to live in societies where we can have these debates

  15. shrug...I don't know...if 10 million people watch the movie and 1 in 100 new people "get it right" that's 10000 additional kinksters. And honestly, the ones that don't get it right are just going to be as clueless as they were before...

  16. Erica, as you can see by the comments you are getting on your essay about the movie "Fifty Shades of Grey'. they are both pro and con. Maybe YOU should WRITE a sequel novel called "Fifty Shades of Red, White and Blue". Describing what a Real American Spanko's lifestyle is like. XXX Luv ya.

    1. I think the title of Erica's book should be "Fifty Stripes of Red, Black & Blue!"

      I will admit to reading the entire trilogy when it first hit the market. After 30 years of very vanilla sex - but knowing I wanted much more - this book got me headed in that direction.

      Although I have only had one kink partner, he has been amazing. Though spanking is a piece of it, there is much more - not "way" out there - just a little bit out there.

      I won't give all the credit to the book. But, it helped spur me to act on my desires. Hopefully, other people who react as I did, will meet someone who is NOT new to the scene and can introduce whatever their "kink/fantasy" is, in a safe and positive manner.

    2. Anonymous -- you sound like an intelligent person, capable of gleaning what you needed to from the books and knowing what worked and what was claptrap. And you knew to find someone safe and knowledgeable. My fear is that many won't.

  17. Darren -- true. I do need to see Nowhere Boy. One of my favorite subjects, surely.

    Anonymous -- what about the 99 who don't, and seriously eff someone up? Or worse, injure them? I agree, they were clueless before and clueless now, but my fear is that after reading/watching, they'll be more confident and bold in their cluelessness.

    Six -- I'll pass on that.

  18. Erica, if you watched the Super Bowl this weekend (which I am going to guess you didn't as for some reason I don't picture you a big pro-sports fan but I may be wrong) you would have seen the long trailer commercial for FSOG. They are definitely now going after all mainstream America.

    My concern is different than that of which I hear on blogland and the fetish community. I am not concerned about wannabes or missionary mommies or whatever negative term is used towards moms who are fascinated by this book and are going to try the things they read about. (As an aside, I have always thought the reason why people are drawn to romance novels is because their lives and sex lives must be lacking). I don't care if my neighbors or married friends try to spice up their sex lives with these ideas.

    My concern isn't even the portrayal/generalization/stereotyping of people with kinks or fetishes. If you are outside of it and never really experienced it I don't think people understand. The conservative religious views on kinks I simply dismiss.

    No, what bothers me most about the FSOG phenomena is a younger set outside of a more stable relationship. What bothers me is knowing that jerk off men will take advantage of willing naive young women and actually hurt them physically. I use the word naive women not in a derogatory sense, but in reference to inexperience and youth. In youth we often give of ourselves to freely and passionately. I also know they are plenty of people who don't understand the importance of consent. Without going to deep into it, there will be those who use this false romance as an excuse for abuse of women and that is my biggest issue with it.

  19. (Anonymous of the 1% above )

    I think back to when I was a younger man obsessed with spanking bottoms (I'm the same except older now :) If I would have read, say Debporn, and decided without any further research, *and especially* without the help and encouragement that I fortunately received from experienced people in the spanking/BDSM community on topics like consensuality, things probably wouldn't have turned out very well.

    One percent post aside, I really don't think that those 99 will give up exploring and learning about kink. So they're people that have potential to be great, safe, ethical, etc. etc. players with some help from people that know the ropes...cough. Just as I wouldn't have wanted people to give up on me when I was first exploring my spanking interests, I don't think it's fair to give up on a large group of people who could be like us. So I see potential for existing kinksters to provide much needed help.

    A perhaps not so well written work of fiction provided the opportunity, but good can still come of it. All IMO.

  20. Enzo -- that is a highly valid issue. And a scary one. A lot of the other crap is annoying and frustrating, but this is dangerous.

    Oh, and you're right. I couldn't have cared less about the Super Bowl. :-)

    Anonymous -- I do see your point. People have to start somewhere. What aggravates me about them starting with this is that it's so skewed, so clichéd and just plain wrong. It's almost like newbies will have to UNlearn what they pick up here before they get to the good stuff, you know?

  21. Whether I should be smug about it or not, I've not read FSOG. There is a cliché saying: "I don't have to participate in every fight I'm invited to." There are too many good books - fun books, deep books, naughty books- to waste time on ones that get panned by people whose opinions I value.

    Having not seen it (an thus having no valid personal basis to criticize it), I will rely on you Erica and others to push back ... and appreciate it. Thanks.


  22. Jon -- in the overall scheme of things, what with ISIS and wars and all the horrendous crap that goes down on a daily basis, FSOG is a blip and sometimes I get a little too wound up. But I guess that's how strongly -- and how protective -- I feel of what we do. Someone on FetLife suggested that hating on FSOG is elitist and arrogant. That's not where I'm coming from. It's more like "I don't want newbies to think this is how we are. It's dangerous."

  23. I have read alll three books twice, and am on my third reading, because I habitually read to my wife most days, and "we" have read Jane Austen, Alexander McCall Smith, Joseph Conrad, Arabian Nights and a good many others. I myself have read widely in English literature, with some American, French and Russian. Judging from her reactions, my wife is really enjoying 50 Shades, I think because it's a love story, a fantasy and colloquially written. English isn't her first language and she is not really comfortable with reading it. I will probably read only the first book to her, and put the other two on her kindle so she can read them herself if she is interested enough; after all, the whole story is six or seven times as long as the average novel, some 450,000 words.

    I will just add that the author has succeeded in her childhood intention of writing stories that people will fall in love with. It's a praiseworthy goal.