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Friday, February 13, 2015

Forget flowers, forget jewelry...

... because on Valentine's Day, nothing says "I Love You" quite like...

That's right. An Edible Anus.

Go ahead, click and read. This is not a joke; it's real. These are chocolates that are produced from a mold cast from a real you-know-what. And for $38.95, you can enjoy five boxes of these beauties, three per box. Milk, dark, and even white chocolate, for those who have that weird bleached-anus fetish.

Forget heart-shaped chocolates! What better way to express your passion than to say, "Here, honey, wrap your lips around these!" Mmm, mmm.

But wait, there's more. For those who don't care for chocolate, or who would prefer to keep their assholes in perpetuity, you can shell out $285 to get that little winker in solid bronze. Or, for $420, you can get it in silver or glass. I particularly like the fine print on the glass page:

Colors vary, so if you are particular about the shade of anus you require, please contact us for a picture of the currently available colors.

Now that's what I call customer service.

But guess what? The chocolates completely sold out as of a few days ago. So, sadly, you'll have to wait until next year to surprise your sweetie.

But if you're extra ambitious, rich, and borderline psychopathic, you can arrange to have a custom cast of your very own rear orifice made in bronze for $1900. 

Remember, kids (this appears at the, er, bottom of the site):

"Symbolic as well as scrumptious, the Edible Anus tackles this ancient taboo in an easily digestible way. Join the uprising, spread the joy, and let's teach the world to love themselves and their anus."

That's not all they're spreading.

But seriously -- Happy happy heart day to all my readers. ♥


  1. Maybe it's just my weird sense of curiosity, but I'm wondering whose butt was the, er, inspiration for the chocolates. I mean, if I'm going to eat someone's ass, I'd at least like to be on a first name basis with them.

  2. "Colors vary, so if you are particular about the shade of anus you require, please contact us for a picture of the currently available colors."

    The part of that line in parentheses made me LOL!

  3. The fortunate thing is that they immediately went to the supra-superlative. Beyond this, there is nothing to fear.

  4. $1500 for your own bronze cast??? I'll go the cheap route and do mine with clay, throw that thing in a kiln, and paint it bronze, thank you very much!

  5. Anonymous -- somewhere, it says who the original model was. But I don't feel like reading any more of this! :-)

    Jen -- fifty shades of anus.

    MrJ -- don't say that. It can only get worse.

    Autumn -- do let us know how that works for you. ;-)

    Jay -- I know, right?

  6. Stacy and I both saw this on your Twitter last night and we were both cracking up. YS was already in bed, so I told him today that I had something he had to see. He was busy do other things and was all grumpy because I made him go back to his computer.... But then... All I heard was laughing on the phone for a few minutes.

    Those chocolates are ridiculous! I guess nothing says romance like anus? >.<

  7. Beth -- "crack"-ing up? Har har.

    Brings all new meaning to the phrase "I love you from the bottom of my heart," no?

  8. Not really as well received as roses, I'd imagine.

  9. Craig -- well, I don't recall ever hearing about a book called "Screw the Roses, Send Me the A$%holes."

  10. Hi Erica -- I read what you wrote on Twitter too.That chocolate anus is so GROSS but funny LOL :-) Who knows what they will come up with next LMAO. Wishing you and John a WONDERFUL Valentine's Day :-) Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade/Emily Jean

  11. Ewww! Yuck, yuck, yuck!

    My favourite line from the item: “I poured the stuff in me bum and it all run past me nuts into me face.” LOL!


  12. Where do people come up with this stuff?? - Can you imagine? - - "Daddy, what line of work are you in??" - "I'm an astronaut - I just fly to Ur Anus!!" - - Bwahahaha!!! - - Thanks for the laugh!!

  13. There certainly are people with time on their hands to come up with stuff like this. thanks, I think, for sharing.


  14. Obviously for the incontinent romantic...

  15. Jade -- happy Valentine's Day to you too!

    Hermione -- right??? Gaaaa!

    Dale -- nyuk nyuk!

    Baxter -- I knew people would appreciate this share. :-)

    Anonymous -- noooooooooooooooooo!

  16. Hi

    What we did last night was forget the flowers, the candy........a spanking over a lovely new red panty was the gift and it was hot.....then of course a nice dinner.....was awesome for both of us!
    Happy Valentines Day

  17. Ron -- sounds good to me! I got to have dinner AND flowers AND candy AND I wore a red dress with red and black panties. I think we were both happy. :-)

  18. Bit of a switch from the chocolate starfish.

  19. I sent my best friend that link and he goes, "Z! Stop it or I'll glue your hands to the ceiling so you can't look up stuff like that!"

    You know, I used to have a coffee cup with a little frog sculpture surprise in the bottom. That memory is forever ruined now I've watched that video.

  20. In reference to the chocolate anus I just have to ask,
    "Are you shitting me?"

    Anon E. Mouse

  21. Queenston -- oh dear. You actually watched the video? I couldn't go that far.

    Mouse -- har! And the answer is most emphatically NO. :-)