Ode to our stress relievers (AKA spankers)

OK, without going into an abundance of detail, let's just say this past weekend sucked eggs. Saturday was a whole lot of stress and aggravation and heat and traffic, culminating in a horrible fight between John and me. In the car, on the freeway. Fortunately, I'm sane enough to keep my head while behind the wheel and I didn't crash us into a divider (or another car). But it was highly unpleasant. Many apologies (both of ours) and a million tears (mine) later, we are OK. But it left me feeling shell-shocked, fatigued and tense. I hate fighting. I hate confrontation. And I go into emotional overload.

So I was more than ready for ST today, and guess what? He was more than willing to help me with my stress problem. Whatta guy, huh? So, to the tune of the Rolling Stones' "Mother's Little Helper" (embedded below), I have penned "Stress Releasing Helper."





What a drag it is, being stressed

Life is oh-so-hard today,
I hear every bottom say,
Baby needs something today to calm her down
And though she’s not really ill
When she’s acting like a pill
She goes running for the shelter
Of her Stress Releasing Helper
And he puts her OTK
Spanks her till she feels okay

Feeling like a shrew today
I hear every bottom say,
She just can’t stop acting out, it’s such a drag
So she eats a frozen cake
Till she gets a stomach ache
And goes running for the shelter
Of her Stress Releasing Helper
And he knows just what to do
Spanks her bottom black and blue

Spanker please, lots more of these,
I’m still not sane, I need more pain!
What a drag it is, being stressed

Jobs are such a bitch today,
I hear every bottom say,
Bosses think you’re there to work, how fucked is that?
Now they want her to stay late,
She says “NO, I’ve got a date!”
And goes running for the shelter
Of her Stress Releasing Helper
She forgets about the rut
While he’s whaling on her butt

Spanker please, I’m o’er your knees
I’m full of steam, please make me scream!
What a drag it is, being stressed

Life will piss you off today
I hear every bottom say
Plain vanilla every day is just a bore
It’s a spanking that she’ll need
Not the pills and not the weed
She goes running for the shelter
Of her Stress Releasing Helper
He will spank her backside bright
And she’ll sleep in peace tonight

Feeling so much better. Thank you, darlin'. You're so much better than any drug (cuter, too). :-)

It's song parody time again

Been a while since I've done one of these. I do need to keep up with my fellow parodist Lea, after all.

Today's offering is based on the old standard "Fever." It's before a lot of y'all's time, but it's been covered countless times and the most popular version was done by Peggy Lee. However, ever the contrarian, I think Peggy Lee's version sucked. So I go back to the original and (IMO) the best, the most soulful and sexy, the version by Little Willie John. Give a listen; I think you'll find it's quite the cool song. Pay attention to the lyrics.





And now, while the song is fresh in your mind, here's my spanko version.

Never know how much I need you
Even when I whine and swear
When you put your hands upon me,
I get a feeling that I’m gonna be bare

You give me spanking,
When I’m sassy,
Spanking when I’m in a pique
Spanking, every evening
Spanking all through the week

Listen to me, brat girl
Hear every word I say
No one can tame you the way that I do
‘Cause they don’t know how to make you obey

I’ll give you spanking
When you’re naughty
Spanking when you say I’m meek
Spanking, every evening
Spanking all through the week!

Bring it on, I tell you
Take my stress away
Raise my skirt, take my panties down
And I’ll believe you when you say that I’ll pay

You’ll give me spanking
When I’m edgy
Spanking when release I seek
Spanking, every evening
Spanking all through the week

Hand lights up my bottom
Belt burns my upper thighs
My eyes fill up when you call my name
‘Cause I know you’ll take me down to size

You give me spanking,
When I bait you
Spanking when I give you cheek
Spanking, every evening
Spanking all through the week!

Hope you enjoyed! One more song you'll never hear quite the same way again. Happy Hump Day. :-D

Time for a Christmas carol parody

Several of us trot these out during the holidays; here's a few examples from the ever-brilliant parodist Lea. As it happens, I've borrowed one of the same songs she did, but I've gone in a different direction with it. I now present my ode to spanking implements, O Bag of Toys (to the tune of O Christmas Tree).

♪♫ ♪♫

O leather belt, o leather belt,

Your SNAP has my ears ringing

O martinet, o martinet,

Your tails are really stinging!

That hairbrush is,

One nasty pup,

I’m eating dinner

Standing up!

O leather belt, o leather belt,

It’s pain that you are bringing.

O razor strap, o razor strap,

Upon my bum you’re crashing

O wooden spoon, o wooden spoon

I don’t deserve this thrashing

The paddle makes

My bottom red

Why can’t he use

His hand instead??

O razor strap, o razor strap,

Straight to the Dumpster dashing!

O Cane-iac, o Cane-iac,

Your canes came in the mail,

Both 5/16” and 7/16”

Were whacked across my tail

I never mark, the stripes don’t last

But oh they smart, I’m learning fast

O Cane-iac, o Cane-iac,

My neighbors heard me wail!

O bag of toys, o bag of toys,

With nerves of mush you fill me

But if I threw you in the fire,

My top would surely kill me!

But when it’s all,

Been said and done,

I must admit,

You’re kinda fun.

O bag of toys, o bag of toys,

Don’t tell, but yes, you thrill me. ♥

(shhhhhh... that last part is a secret!) ;-)

Have a great weekend, y'all. Don't forget to vote for your favorite Blog of the Year.

New Guy's Theme

(Sung to the tune of Eric Clapton's "Layla")

In case anyone doesn't know this classic, here ya go:



What'll you do when I've been naughty,
And I'm waiting by your side
I've been sassing, and bratting much too long,
Now you're gonna tan my hide!

Newww Guy
You got me o'er your knees
New Guy
Your hand, it stings like bees
New Guyyyyyy
Darlin' won't you ease up on me pleeeeeeaase?

"Won't be givin' you consolation,"
You tried to warn me, with a frown
Like a fool, I made a fool of you,
Now you've turned me upside down!

Newww Guy
That hairbrush makes me burn,
New Guy
Will I ever learn?
New Guyyyyyyy,
Do you really have to be so stern?

You got control of the situation,
As I writhe around in pain,
Then your belt, imparts another welt,
My tears are fallin' just like rain!

Newwwww Guy
I'm lyin' on the bed
New Guy
My bottom's crimson red
New Guyyyyyyy
Oh my god, the paddle's still ahead...!

Newwwwwww Guy
Now the spanking's done
New Guy
I have to say "you won"
New Guyyyyyyyy
Finally sent the bad girl on the run!*

*well, until next week, anyway. ;-)

Despite those daggers I'm glaring, I had another spectacular Monday night. But you guys already knew that. :-)

It's a [Spanking] Party!

I promised you guys a parody, didn't I...

I posted this one a few months ago on a "Spanking Karaoke" thread on FetLife, but it got little notice among all the other offerings, so I thought I'd spotlight it here. It's a parody of Oingo Boingo's "Dead Man's Party" from the 1980s, which has become a quintessential Halloween rock song.

For those who aren't familiar with the song, you can click here to hear it and read the original lyrics:



It's a fun song with a very cool driving beat; I think you'll like it. And you'll enjoy it even more with my lyrics! So, in honor of Halloween, and for all my friends going to the Chicago Crimson Moon party (some are already there -- Zelle!), I present "Spanking Party."

All dressed up, got somewhere to be
Tops are gonna throw me right over their shoulders
Plunk me down right over their knees
Gonna spank my bottom until it smolders!

Waiting for the special weekend to arrive,
Going to a party that makes me feel alive!
Waiting for the tops to threaten me with pain,
Though I really love it, I'll still complain!

I'll be struck by paddles
Lying OTK
I'll be hit by hands and brushes
Night and day

It's a spanking party
Who could ask for more?
Lots of spankos coming,
Leave your panties at the door
Leave your skirt and panties at the door!

Don't run away,
It hurts so good
Don't be afraid
Unless you see wood!

Got my stockings, my heels are high
Waterproof mascara on either eye
Halfway through, I'm gettin' oh so sore
"Come on, baby, you can take much more!"

I'll be struck by paddles
Lying OTK
I'll be hit by canes while my bum's
On display

It's a spanking party
Who could ask for more
Lots of spankos coming
Leave your panties at the door
Leave your skirt and panties at the door!

Don't run away,
It hurts so good
Don't be afraid
Unless you seeeeeeeeeeeeee wood!

It hurts so good...
It hurts so good...