Last week during LOL9, one of my commenters asked what my favorite spanking story is. I gave a quick answer in my reply, but I thought it deserved its own entry.
Like many of us, I've read a ton of spanking-themed stories and books over the years. And I should preface this by saying I'm extremely picky about them. Not even talking about the professionally published books now -- I mean all the stories online that people have put up on forums far and wide.
Let's put aside the glaring fact that many of them are, to be blunt, poorly written, grammatically, stylistically, every which way. Say we're only talking about stories where the spelling is correct, the structure is clean and readable, and the dialogue rings somewhat true. Even then, I don't care for most of what I read. Or I'll like parts of it, but not others. Why? Because the author's particular interpretation of our kink doesn't resonate with me. Not their fault; just me knowing what I like, and what strikes a chord in my kinky little brain and heart. A book can be flawlessly executed, but if it has orientations other than M/F, or anal play, or age-play, it's not going to flip my particular switches.
That being said...
Back in the late 90s when I was first online, there was what they used to call a newsgroup, named Soc.Sexuality.Spanking. It was very popular and had a great deal of traffic. A lot of people posted stories. Oftentimes, I'd start reading them, but wouldn't finish.
Until I came across The Toughest Boyfriend. Written by someone who used the name "DLynn," it struck just about every chord I had. Classic good girl/bad boy story. Romantic. Hot. Sexy, without being super graphic (y'all know I tend to prefer leaving things to the imagination). Poignant. Clever. Dialogue and descriptions that pushed my buttons.
I loved the story so much, I copied it to my hard drive and have kept it all these years. I wish I knew more about who DLynn was. I Googled the story, the name, in every possible combination, but found nothing, except for a vague reference in the old CF Publications that used to run short stories and amassed a humongous collection.
Anyway, I would like to share it, with all my thanks to DLynn, whoever he/she (I'm suspecting she) is. Hope you enjoy it as much, or at least half as much, as I did.
The Toughest Boyfriend
He was the
toughest boyfriend I ever had.
You remember
tough. Tough was cool, was boys in tight jeans with a pack of Luckies rolled
into the sleeves of their white tee shirts, leather at their waist, leather
boots on their feet.
There were tough
girls, too, in tight black skirts, teased hair piled on top of their heads and
their lips as scarlet as the lights on the marquee of the single movie theater
we had in our factory town.
But I wasn’t one
of the tough girls. Lord, no. I was the doctor’s daughter and wore my hair
straight and shiny, clasped in a demure barrette, my skirts loose and below my
knee. I kept my lips pale, my posture straight.
And fell in love
with the tough boy from the day he walked into honors math and took his seat.
This tough boy was smart, and we shared almost every class that senior year.
But I was smart, too, and knew that doctor’s daughters didn’t go with tough
guys. They dated safe guys, fell in love with safe guys or simply married the
safe guys without bothering to fall in love at all.
This morning, I
look at my husband, hugging our six-year-old as she gets down the breakfast
cereal. Smart girls marry men like this: men who will make a safe and loving
home for them and their children. I married smart.
But all that
senior year, I sat two rows behind this tough guy and kept my eyes on him every
chance that I had. I could never get enough of looking at him: long legs, dark
rough hair, dark gray eyes, lean, sinewy arms.
Smart girl that I
was, I only looked. Otherwise, I stuck to my studies that year. Got my straight
A’s. Got into college. Turned eighteen years old, and got my high school
degree.
And then summer
came, and I didn’t need to be smart anymore. I could never be a tough girl, but
I traded in the demure skirts for a thin cotton sundress, took the barrette out
of my hair and walked into the store where he worked time-and-a-half, saving
money for his own college education. One week later, we were the gossip of the
town.
The memories
still make me smile as I watch my husband get the milk for our daughter. The
first time my tough boyfriend kissed me, trapping me between his hands braced
on the wall behind us. Nice and tough, but his kiss was gentle on my lips, and
he whispered my name like honey in my mouth. Gentle, too, the first time I gave
myself to him, clinging to him as he eased himself within me.
Sweetest of
lovers.
But I wanted
tough.
I had watched the
tough girls with their tough boyfriends, watched the way their boyfriends would
fling their arms around them, haul them close for a kiss, boss them around a
little, slap them on their behinds in occasional warning.
Every guy I had
ever dated had treated the doctor’s daughter as if she were made from glass,
and I was tired of tentative, or even tender. I wanted tough.
And then a memory
that makes me stop smiling. Makes me close my eyes for a moment and struggle to
control my breathing. The first time I pushed him too far.
I was restless
that day. From the early July heat? From my own heat inside me? I don’t know.
All I know was that everything irritated me that day, my parents’ loving
smiles, the chirpy voice of our mailman, and even the cheerful smile my
boyfriend gave me when he knocked on our door to pick me up for the Fourth of
July fireworks.
“I’ll have her
home by midnight,” he reassured my mom.
Why the hell was
he reassuring Mom? I was tired of Mom. Tired of everything. My irritation
mounted.
In the car, I
slung my chin into my hand, leaning on the car door, drumming my fingers loudly
on the handle.
“You okay, baby?”
he asked gently.
I was tired of
gentle.
“I’m fine,” I
snapped back. Then turned up the radio three notches, just loud enough to make
it impossible to talk.
Each burst of the
fireworks over the lake seemed to explode inside me, an echo of heat, ache,
longing. I didn’t know what I wanted, but I knew damned well that I wasn’t
getting it. My boyfriend kissed me, and the ache and irritation grew sharper,
not gentler. I did not return his smile and his face grew quiet. We drove in
silence to the hill overlooking the town. There was a small park at the crest,
where kids came to play during the day. No one came there at night, except us.
A sweet place to
come, but I was tired of sweet, too. I got out of the car, but didn’t say a
word to my boyfriend. Just slammed the door behind me and stalked to the
playground. I shimmied up to the top of the monkey bars and fixed my stare on
the town lights below. I waited for my boyfriend to get irritated in return
that I didn’t play with him, laugh with him, melt into his kiss, draw him down
into the darkness to take him deep inside me.
But he just
leaned against the bars, and waited. He said nothing at all.
I kicked my legs
against the bar, feeling the ache inside me grow. What did I want? And why,
why, why couldn’t I get it?
I was lost in my
misery, so lost that I almost lost my balance when my boyfriend finally spoke. “Well.
Listen, baby, it’s almost twelve. We gotta go.”
I didn’t answer.
I didn’t move.
He turned his
face up to me, and I could see, even in the dim shadows cast by the moonlight,
surprise. “Time to go, kiddo.”
Kiddo? Did I take
this as some final insult that I almost snorted in reply? I didn’t budge from
my seat, and there was real venom in my voice as I said, “Make me.”
The shadows hid
nothing of his annoyance now.
“What do you mean
‘Make you’? What’s wrong with you tonight? You’re eighteen. Act your age.”
Calm. Rational.
I wanted to slap
his face.
But I was set in
my patterns, too, and now I slid down from the bars, my sandals slapping
against the soles of my feet as I landed on the sand.
I thought maybe I’d
see a hint of what I was looking for in his face, but he still looked rational.
Calm.
No. Not what I
was looking for. In my frustration, I blurted it out. “Why are you always
acting like such a wimp?”
I can still see
his face, see how taken aback he was by my outburst. But his surprise changed
to something else as he came closer to me, took my chin in his hand and tilted
my face close to his. He was looking right into my eyes, his own eyes dark, the
lighter gray glints in them almost extinguished in the summer night.
“Yeah, baby, you’re
right. I’ve been acting like a wimp,” he said softly, but there was no trace of
regret in the softness. More like warning.
I felt suddenly
uneasy and took a step back. He let his hand drop from my face, hooked a thumb
in his belt and said, still softly, “Only a wimp would try to reason with his
girl when she was acting like a brat, right? A tough guy would put a stop to
it. A hard stop to it.”
“Look, forget it,”
I said, stepping back again, but this time he pushed himself away from the bars
and followed me. And all my irritation and bitchiness deserted me. I turned and
ran a few steps, but he didn’t do more than lengthen his stride to catch me by
the arm, near one of the park benches where, on other nights, he had pulled me
down to kiss him.
The toughest
boyfriend I ever had, and when he pulled me to him now, my heart stumbled
harder than my feet. “No, lover, I didn’t mean it,” I whispered. I lied.
He pulled my body
right up against his, still standing as he kissed me, roughly. I felt a mixture
of relief and disappointment. But as I raised my hands to embrace him in
return, he took my wrists and held them away. “Not this time, baby. Not yet.”
For a moment, he
just stood there, holding my hands locked in his, and I felt a thrill of
danger. There’s nothing to be afraid of, I told myself silently. I was wrong.
Suddenly he moved
to take me off my feet. One moment I was standing, kissing him, and the next
moment, I was crying out as I fell, as I landed with a thump across his knees.
“You can’t do
this!” But there was more incredulity in my voice than resistance.
He didn’t answer.
He shifted himself further back on the bench he had chosen, and though I
wriggled hard, he dragged me with him, easily.
My heart was
pulsing in my throat now, hard, as I struggled on his lap, but he didn’t let
go, didn’t loosen his grip one bit.
“No. No, stop it,”
I said suddenly as filled with panic as excitement. His large hand pushed the
thin cotton of my sundress up to my waist, and all I had underneath was one
pair of thin cotton panties. No slip. No stockings.
He rested his
hand on my behind, and I moaned aloud. My heart was thumping within me, my
senses charged in the hot, dark night. I clenched my bottom against his hand
and waited, torn between fear and another sensation I didn’t dare identify: a
deep, dark certainty that this was what I really wanted.
He raised his
hand and I clenched harder. And then, unbelievably, he asked me, “Well? Are you
sure, baby?”
I knew what he
was asking. I knew all I had to do was apologize or ask him to stop or simply
say, I don’t want this, and he would let me go at once.
But I was sure. I
was. And without a word, I twisted my face toward his, where his raised hand
waited by his shoulder, his face stern and his eyes on mine. I nodded once.
Yes. I’m sure.
His hand came
down hard. I gasped and flinched away from the blow, hot and strong against my
skin. The heat had not begun to cool, the blow begun to wane, when his hand
came down again. I bit my lip, determined to take what was coming with silence
and strength.
But his blows
fell steadily, first on my right cheek and then on my left, side to side, my
skin smarting and cracking in the silent night. I heard myself whimper as I
squirmed on his lap. I bit my lip harder, sure my whimpers would make him stop.
He didn’t. His
palm smacked down harder on my bottom, across the curve of my left cheek. The
sting in my skin turned to fire. I squirmed harder, but his palm caught me
again, now on my right cheek. “Please,” I began to moan, but the crack of his
palm, again and again, turned my moan to begging. I writhed now, on his lap,
his hard thighs underneath me not offering any escape, his arm wrapped around
my waist pinning me in place.
“Well,
sweetheart? Still think I’m a wimp?” he asked as I pleaded with him to stop,
stop, please, stop.
I could not evade
his hand. He was slapping my bottom harder now, and faster. I flailed
helplessly as I begged. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please don’t spank me
anymore. I’m sorry, lover. Please.”
Tears stung at my
eyes and my voice caught on my words. He rested his hand across the center of
my thin panties and I groaned at even this weight on my aching, burning skin. I
was breathing hard, gulping at breath, still flailing in a desperate, futile
effort to relieve the pain in my bottom, no matter how slightly.
My mind flailed,
too, in confusion at my emotions. There was pain, yes, but something else, too.
Remorse? No.
Regret?
I blinked back
the tears and took a deep shuddering breath, telling myself that at least my
punishment was over.
And that was when
he said, “Well. Let’s finish what you started, sweetheart.”
I convulsed at
the feel of his finger hooked in the waistband of my panties. Slowly, he pulled
them down, first one side, then the other. I cried out at the feel of the
cotton and
elastic scraping over my hot and stinging behind.
My pleading
became frantic. “No, no, no, you can’t. You can’t! Please, I hurt so much,
baby...”
“Spankings are
supposed to hurt, sweetheart. You’re supposed to remember this. For a long
time.” By now he had pulled my panties to my knees. My tears swam at my fear
and humiliation. I could imagine him seeing my bare behind all red and marked
with his fingers and palm.
I wrapped my arm
around his leg and buried my face in it, still moaning, still pleading, “Please,
no more. No more. No more.”
But even as I
pleaded, I waited, hopelessly, for the fall of his palm.
I was wrong
again.
At first I didn’t
understand when his hand slipped off one of my leather sandals. Just one. Then
he rubbed the stiff sole over my naked bottom and I suddenly understood.
“No!” I cried
out, in horror, but he had already lifted the sandal, high.
“Just so you
remember, sweetheart.”
The leather
slapped down, hard, right across the highest curve of both cheeks at once. I
screamed and flailed again, but he only tightened his arm around my waist and
brought the sandal down again. This time where my right cheek met my thigh.
Again and again.
In the creases of my cheek and thigh. On the curves of my bottom. On my thighs,
halfway to my knees. On the top of my bottom, and the sides of my hips.
And as he brought
it down again, where my thighs already burned with pain, I burst into tears and
stopped my flailing. I couldn’t even resist, anymore. I lay, limp across his
lap, sobbing and sobbing as he brought the sandal down again, twice, four
times, six times, each stroke reaching not just my skin, but deep inside me.
I didn’t even
notice when he stopped. Just lay there and cried, the tears soaking my face and
falling freely to the grass below. Not until he lifted and turned me, raising
me up to lean against his chest did I realize that the awful punishment was
over. I flung my arms around his neck and wept.
He held me,
stroking my hair, my back, whispering soothing words in my ear. At first, I
couldn’t be comforted, couldn’t even find a way to sit with comfort on his lap,
my bottom sore no matter what position I tried, no matter how I squirmed this
way and that.
Until I finally
accepted the hot sting there and simply leaned closer to my love, weeping and
weeping as he held me.
And suddenly
everything felt right.
Finally I stopped
crying. His hand was still stroking me, cherishing me. I lifted my face to his
for a kiss, and he kissed me gently on my lips. Oh, God. Had I complained about
gentle? Never again.
But our kiss didn’t
stay gentle. At the first opening of our lips, desire ran through me like a
shock. I clasped the back of his neck and moaned again.
His voice was
tender, but not indulgent. “You want me, sweetheart?”
“Yes. Yes, I want
you. Now, lover.”
He kissed me
harder, and I began to melt in his arms. But he swung me off his lap and onto
my feet. “Sorry, sweetheart, no can do. Your little tantrum has already made us
late. Promised your mom I’d get you home by midnight, remember?”
It was on my
tongue to say, explicitly, what my mom could do with herself, but the ache in
my behind was far, far too sharp to forget even for a moment. And the look in
his eyes was clearly a challenge. I knew better than to provoke him again. At
least for now.
But I couldn’t
help asking, in a voice as plaintive as a child’s, “Don’t you want to fuck me?”
His laugh rang
out through the deserted playground. He kissed me again, quickly, on the top of
the head, then bent his lips to my ear. “Don’t be so greedy, sweetheart.
Tomorrow night. I promise.”
I was greedy—but
so was he. The next night, we did indeed take our pleasure, but our pleasures
grew more urgent with each week. Harder. Rougher.
We might spend
hours in conversation, share, shyly, our hopes and dreams, listen to one
another’s stories with love and laughter.
But when we
sought out a deserted park, a secluded beach, a private loft, we were not
gentle. I was more ready to use teeth and nails, he was more ready to slap my
bare behind until I would squirm and sob, and then throw myself at him from the
heat and desire he had ignited.
It was hot, it
was wild, and, I told myself, it would be over at summer’s end. Can’t let it go
too far. So I didn’t. Except once. Lord. Just once.
My husband
squeezes my daughter’s hand, gently, and tears sting at my eyes. I remember.
Summer’s end. I
looked down, tears stinging at my eyes, then, too, to see my hand wrapped in
his larger one. I had just told him goodbye.
“I thought we had
something better than goodbye between us,” he said. His voice was tighter than
his grasp on my fingers.
“We do,” I began,
then stopped myself. My voice dropped to a whisper. “We did.”
I looked up into
his eyes, dark as smoke, warm as fire. Sweetest of lovers. I chose my words
with care.
Chose the words
that would hurt.
I wanted to hurt
him. Wanted to make sure he would not regret me for a moment. And so I did not
tell him how much I wanted him in my life forever. Instead I said, “You were
only for fun.”
“Fun?” I cringed
at the incredulity and pain in his voice, but kept my own voice as impassive as
my face.
“Fun. I had fun
with you, lover. But I have my real life to live now.”
College, I said.
Career, I explained. Marriage. Children.
“What makes you
think I don’t want all that?” His fingers tightened harder. I welcomed the
discomfort. Distraction from my misery. “Jesus. I’ve worked my ass off to make
enough money for college.”
“I know,” I said.
“You’re smart. You’re hard working.”
“Then why not
give us a chance?” He raised my hand to his lips. “Together?”
His lips opened
an ache inside me, but I fought against it. “No. I can’t marry you. I can’t.”
I kept my voice
cold, cold, cold as I explained more.
Doctor’s daughter. Marriage for always. A safe man. A gentle man.
“That’s not fair,”
he said, his own voice dropping in volume. He was sitting in front of me, in
the middle of the old rose-tapestry sofa in our family room. I sat in front of
him, in the armchair with one busted leg, no farther away than a couple of
feet. But I had to lean forward to hear him. “Those games we played. You wanted
them. And they were just that—games.”
“Dangerous games,”
I whispered. I cleared my voice and made myself speak aloud. “And you’re right.
Dangerous is what I wanted. But I won’t marry dangerous.”
I hated the hurt
I could see in his eyes, the death of his dreams. The dreams I was killing with
every word.
I was almost
relieved to see anger begin to replace hurt. “So let me get this straight. I
was good enough to fuck. Good enough to play games. But not good enough for
you?”
Well. Can’t get
much worse than that, can it? I looked him straight in the eyes and nodded yes.
Cold. Cold, cold, cold.
“Too dangerous,” he said, his voice barely a
whisper now.
Another nod.
I wasn’t really
that surprised when he grabbed my arms suddenly and pulled me off the chair
onto my knees in front of him. I cried out, and my fear was real, but I was not
surprised. Why wouldn’t he want to frighten me? Even hurt me?
“Maybe not
dangerous enough,” he said, still barely audible.
I wanted to cry,
wanted to tell him again and again how sorry I was, wanted to hold him close
and love him. Wipe out every trace of hurt in his face, his eyes, his voice.
But that would
only break his heart all over. I tilted my face up to his, and kept my
expression stony. “Maybe not,” I said.
His eyes grew
angrier. Oh, love. Better you should hate me than suffer yourself. “Is that all
you want from me, baby? One last walk on the wild side?”
“That’s all,” I
said.
God. I hated
myself by now.
He kept his eyes
on me as he let go of my arms and moved his hands to his belt. My heart skipped
a beat as he slowly unbuckled it and drew it out of his jeans.
Except for that
first time, he had used only his hand on me to play or playfully punish. But
now he slowly doubled the belt in one hand, his eyes unblinking on my face.
I flinched when
he snapped it, twice, between his hands. “Still sure, sweetheart?” he said
softly.
I was torn
between my feelings. Afraid of the thick brown strap in his hands, afraid of
the anger in his eyes, yet ashamed of the coldness, the calculation in me. I
was hurting him, and I was miserable at the pain I was causing. And I wanted to
pay. In fear, in pain, in tears.
I wanted him to
punish me.
I tore my eyes
away from the threatening belt, and looked up directly into his own eyes. Made
myself say: “Yes. I’m sure.”
We looked at one
another, still for a moment. Then he reached out a hand to me, as politely as
if he were inviting me into a dance.
But when I laid
my tentative hand in his, he pulled, hard, and I stumbled to my feet, then
stumbled again as he yanked me across his lap, my legs and arms on the sofa, my
bottom across his thighs.
I was terrified.
I buried my face in my arms. I crossed my feet at the ankles, nervously rubbing
one foot against the other as he pushed the cotton of my dress up onto my waist
and back. I moaned into the cushion as he hooked his fingers into the elastic
of my panties and pulled. The cotton caressed my skin like gentle fingertips,
but fear ran in every trail it traced.
When my panties
were around my knees, he stroked his left hand across the skin of my behind.
Gentle. Tender. But all I could think of was the belt waiting in his right
hand.
He moved his left
hand around my waist, holding me down, but I never would have tried to break
free at this point, no matter how afraid I was. I wanted to hurt. I pressed my
forehead harder against my arm curled on the cushion.
The belt came
down like fire, driving every bit of breath away. I had sworn that I would not
cry out, but the pain was audible in the sounds that flew from my throat,
half-grunt, half-cry.
I couldn’t keep
myself from shrinking away from the belt he was already raising again, but his
hand on my waist was firm. The belt came down again, across both cheeks,
overlapping the first stroke that still ached and burned.
No. I hadn’t
wanted this. I was already moaning, “I’m sorry,” but the belt was already
coming down again. He caught me across the tender skin of my thighs, and all
pretense of dignity deserted me as I yelled and convulsed on his lap.
“Oh, God, don’t.
Don’t.”
But the belt was
already lifting again.
There was no time
to recover from the fire of each blow, as he brought the belt down again and
again, strokes across the swell of my bottom, the underside of my cheeks, the
backs of my thighs. He hadn’t given me even a dozen blows when sobs began to
mix with my pleading.
This, lover, is
where you would always take me into your arms, soothe me, hold me, kiss me.
Not this time. If
anything, the belt only whipped harder into my ass. “I’m sorry,” I sobbed. But
I stopped begging him to stop. Stopped, even, wanting him to stop, in some
strange way. I turned and twisted on his lap, but kept myself there, as surely
as his hand did, even as I wept out my sorries, over and over again.
And again. There
was not an inch of my behind or thighs that did not rage with the heat and pain
of his punishment, but still the strap came down. And still I wanted it.
And when he
finally stopped, finally dropped the belt to the floor and pulled me up into
his arms, I still could not stop my sorries, my sobbing. My bottom throbbed
with pain, and throbbed even worse at the touch of his hand. He was trying to
soothe me now, but I was unsoothable.
He caught one of
my sorries with a kiss, and I finally stopped babbling. Buried my face in his
shoulder and wept, while he ran his hand firmly down my back, then softly
around my bottom.
I wanted to love
him, one last time, but when I tried to open his jeans, he caught my hands in
his. “No,” he said. And that was the real moment of goodbye for me. Not even
the pain of seeing him walk out the door for the last time was worse.
I went up to my
room. I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, rinsed out my underwear. Made sure
everything was packed for the next day.
I threw the
cotton sundress into the trash.
The next morning
I took my suitcase, myself, down to the train station and waited for the early
morning train that would take me to my carefully chosen women’s college. I did
not want any more good-byes, from anyone. Did not want distraction from the
ache in my bottom that lingered like a good-bye kiss.
Goodbye.
Goodbye,
boyfriend, goodbye.
I did not change
my mind. The doctor’s daughter knew all the right things to do. Go to college.
Earn my degree. Establish my career. Find the right man—the safe man—to be my
husband and father my children.
Children don’t
need a dangerous boyfriend. They don’t care if their mother is fierce with
passion at her lover’s touch. They need safety. Tenderness. Gentleness.
“There’s the car
pool, kiddo,” my husband says. He hands our daughter her lunch box. I watch him
wave good-bye to her as she scoots out the door, and I know I chose well. My
daughter will never fear this man’s temper. Never worry that her father is
dangerous.
My husband closes
the door. Tender with memory, I smile at him and he smiles back. He walks to me
and tilts my face up to his for a kiss, then murmurs, “What are you staring at?”
“You.” I kiss him
again.
He shakes his
head. “Staring at people like that. Didn’t your mom teach you it was rude to
stare?”
“My mom taught me
nothing,” I whisper back. “Nothing.”
His hand trapping
mine is sudden, strong. I draw in my breath and toss my hair back, looking
right into those gray eyes. Dark as smoke. Warm as fire. Sweetest of lovers
still.
“Maybe I should
take care of what your mom forgot,” he says.
And then, like
that wild Fourth of July, like that long-ago night at summer’s end, like the
day he visited my college to propose again, like the night of our wedding, like
a thousand other playful, painful times, my husband, the safe and gentle father
of my child, the sweetest of lovers, becomes the toughest boyfriend I ever had
as he pulls me across his lap, bares my bottom, and brings his hand down hard,
hard, oh, hard across my behind.
