Correspondence Hall of Shame, 7/11

Finally! I checked; it's been three months since my last CHoS. I've built up a nice little collection for your Friday amusement.

Do you want me to come fuck you really hard?

No. (gazing at the accompanying photo) You're really proud of that thing, aren't you. Shame that it's all you've got going for you.

This one isn't rude, but it does win the stupid prize:

hey was that you in the videos i saw?

Um... can you be a little more specific, please? I really don't know which videos you saw. No, I wasn't in the Sound of Music. Or in Boobs on Broadway.

How are you?

Would you like me to eat out your pussy?
Its my fantasy and fetish to do this, because I like the taste and smell

Well, good for you. I'll pass, however. My fetish is another kind of licking.

Aaaand this one wins the Supreme Arrogance prize:

real beauty and femininity comes from the inside and sometimes a slave/sub needs an experienced mistress like me to train, guide, nurture, use and bring out the best in them.. You can read my profile and get in touch.

And you can read my profile, especially the parts where I say I am neither sub nor slave, and that I bottom to men only. Then you can take your training and guidance and... well, figure it out, Mistress. :-)

As always, I saved the best for last:

Hi sweetness, 

Im Xxx a Dom. I am looking for a cute submissive like you to train. You have pretty face. It is in your nature to serve and service and I will train you well and give you a snapping pussy. I enjoy Domming you and giving you pleasure too as you gleefully submissively serve and service me. In private I do like to control with dirty talk to you and treating you like the down n dirty,in constant need of cock use slut behind closed doors we both know you are. I know we will have lots of hot fun together. I do luv to spank you with lots of ass swats making your ass nice and red! You have a cute face nice legs and a pretty ass. I luv to bring out the hot naughty inner slut inside you behind closed doors as your juices run out down your legs. I do find you sexy. You are about a hour drive for me. Call me or txt me at xxx-xxx-xxxx or send me your number and I will call or txt you. Send me more pics at xxxxxxxx@gmail.com And I will send you some of mine. I look forward to talking to you. You are cute and just what I am looking for a in a good sub. 

(sigh) Where do I begin?

I have no idea what a "snapping pussy" is, sweetness, but I really don't know why any man would want a woman to have genitalia that could bite their dick off. Of course, in your case, you have nothing to worry about. I doubt you can get anywhere near pussy, snapping or otherwise.

You're an hour away? Good. Please stay there.

To these charmers, I present today's Grumpy Cat:

It's been a crap week and I'm grateful it's over. One lovely bright spot was having lunch with Alex and SpankCake yesterday. Otherwise, it's been fairly blecchhh, with too little work and too much time on my hands. Post-holiday slow-down, perhaps. On a positive note, I did have the time to completely clean out my closet, and filled two giant Hefty bags with clothes for Good Will. Looks like it's time to shop! Hoping that next week will be better. 

Have a great weekend, y'all.