Ziggy was around for about 40 years, so he had a lot of mileage in the comic world. Reading him in my most depressed years, I related to him often. Of the hundreds of panels I read, one stands out in my memory. I tried to find it online but could not, so I'll describe it. It was very simple, one of his "observation" cartoons where he's just standing there and talking to the reader. In this one, he was saying:
"Maybe people who need people really aren't the luckiest people in the world."
(For those too young to know the reference, it's a play on an old Barbra Streisand song, with the lyric "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.")
Today, I am revisiting that sentiment.
I like to think of myself as a fairly strong person, self-sufficient, independent. I love many, and some love me. Love is a good thing. In my darkest days, I used to believe that I'd be safest if I kept myself reserved and apart from others, because to love was to be wounded. The lyric from Simon & Garfunkel's "I Am A Rock" spoke to me: "If I never loved, I never would have cried."
I accept love in my life now. But what I still can't stand is my neediness.
I don't like needing others. Loving and enjoying people is one thing; life is rather colorless without that, and it feeds my soul in ways I never dreamed imaginable. But as soon as I start to need, then I am in trouble. Then I lay myself bare for hurt, for pain, for insecurity, for loss.
Neediness strips away my armor, my layers of protection, and leaves me tender and vulnerable. Neediness reduces me from a strong woman to a gullible little kid, desperate and hungry and willing to believe anything I hear. I become ridiculously hypersensitive and weepy, craving attention like a spoiled child.
If I need someone, they can let me down and hurt me. If I rely on someone else other than myself, they will let me down. Not because they are bad people, but it's simply human nature. No matter what the songs, the poems and the romance novels say, no human being can always be there for another. Even those who love us most will hurt us sometime. And the haters will smell vulnerability and weakness and swoop in like vultures.
When I get into a needy place, then I'm focused outward. This is lethal for a depressive like me. Because then I am giving others power over my serenity, my happiness and peace of mind. When I'm feeling needy, rather than look to someone else to fill up that gaping hole, I must fill it for myself, from within, from my own strength. As long as I am outwardly focused, I will render myself powerless and vulnerable to disappointment and hurt, which then starts the downward spiral into depression for me. Not good.
Powerless over people, places and things. The only thing I can change is myself, and the way I deal with things.
For today, I am going to remove the outward focus and the neediness, and bolster myself from within. Today, I will nurture my inner Ziggy and be kind to me. No, I'm not a loser like he was. But there will always be a part of me who relates to that little guy.
Thank you, Erica, for sharing these deep thoughts - and for bringing Ziggy back ;-)
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I'd say you have managed to accept some (pretty strong) needs and found ways to cope when they are not being fulfilled timely.
Aaawww i love Ziggy, i can so relate to ziggy cause i know what its like to be that loser, hes bald like me. I dont like to rely on anybody except for myself cause when i asked somebody something i always got told, i'm busy, cant help u..stuff like that. So my hubby was the first person to come into my life(other than my parents) who i got to trust, love and lean on. I have kept myself in a shell since we got married only since i have entered the scene i find myself coming out of my shell slowly and enjoying having friends again and the careness & love of a friendship but here comes my inner ziggy and my loser thoughts come back..yes i can only change myself, nobody can give me my self confiedence i have to love myself and be proud of who i am, no matter if society thinks i dont fit it, even though i never fit in to anything in my life,Yes yr right we need to be kind to ourselves and do what we or i can not to think our inner ziggy comes out.
ReplyDeleteI Love ziggy, mainly cause he is bald and i can relate to be bald and dealing with self confidence but i am working on it to make myself better :)
THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR WRITING THIS, YOU ARE SO AWESOME & BEAUTIFUL..♥♥
MrJ -- thank you. Ultimately, I do cope. But sometimes, I get tired of the copious quantities of tears I shed while doing so.
ReplyDeleteSherri -- sweet girl, I will hug you when I meet you at SL next week.
Erica, like you I searched the internet, and could not find Ziggy's quote. Also Erica, when we are BORN we NEED HELP, and when we GROW OLDER we NEED HELP. It's those years in between that we try to stand alone. Yes, at my age, I have someone that looks after my interests. Yes, she knows that I am a SPANKO, although she is herself a VANILLA. As of now it is a GOOD PARTNERHIP. An understanding partnership. And of course I hope it will continue that way. XXX Luv ya.
ReplyDeleteSix -- I'm glad you have someone wonderful to take care of you. As for me, a quote from the Who's "My Generation" comes to mind, but I think I'll keep that to myself.
ReplyDeleteErica, I looked up the lyrics from the Who's. My Generation. You must admit, they are NOT POSITIVE WORDS. XXX Luv ya.
ReplyDeleteHi Erica -- Thanks for sharing, such personal stuff about you with us.I can somewhat relate to you, I am needy as well,I am tired of getting hurt by the people I love and trust :-( I think I have trust issue's because people promise me the moon and the star's and they do not go through with it.Then that makes me very depressed and I feel like I am not good enough.I remember Ziggy when I was very young,he is so cute.You are a strong person and seem to get through thing's.Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade
ReplyDeleteJade -- when people break promises to you, it's not you who isn't good enough. It's them.
ReplyDeleteErica, when you post, it always speaks to me - except you are so much more eloquent about it. I consider myself an introvert, and I have to amp myself up to be around others. When I am, I am terrified I will say the wrong thing, or do something that will make others look at me different.
ReplyDeleteWhen I do allow myself to depend on others, I do it sparingly. In many instances, I have befriended others and opened myself up to hurt because of some reason or another. I try to get a good read on someone before I open up, and still find it amazingly difficult even now because of having placed my trust in people who have a propensity to gossip, and were not as loyal as they seemed.
When I'm feeling needy, I try to focus on working out or busying myself with work, or school, or spending it with my guy. He is my rock and I'm lucky to have him.
Keep your head up girly - we all have those sucky days. Hugs
Anonymous -- thank you. I am an introvert as well, although some people don't believe me when I say that. It takes a lot for me to really open up to someone, up close and personal. So when I do, I do it 100%.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to have rocks, but rocks can crack, crumble and shift. Best to be my own rock, I think.
I love this "The only thing I can change is myself". It's so true and once we realize it, we take our power back and regain our most precious gift - our selves.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting, too, meeting other introvert entertainers. I find that when I'm performing, it's almost like the audience and I are sharing my internal experience.
Best Regards,
Quai
Quai -- our scene is definitely better suited to extroverts, I think. That's why I find the big parties both exhilarating and excruciating. I love being with everyone, but my circuits get overloaded quickly.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your honesty. It takes bravery to admit you need people. I've found over the years due to traumatic life experiences, I've adopted a very jaded outlook. I have a lot of people in my life who share mutual caring and love for one another. But I also flourish when I'm independent and free to live as I want. I prefer to WANT to have certain people in my life rather than need for them to be there. I agree with you that needing someone can leave a person wide open for hurt. But sometimes it's worth the risk.
ReplyDeleteKelly -- yes. Wanting is OK, loving is wonderful. But needing seems to screw me up.
ReplyDeleteYou are a star my dear, so thoughtful and lovely, needing is a fact of our life.
ReplyDeleteAlways
Ron
Ron -- I know it is, but too much of it is not a good thing.
ReplyDeleteThis really spoke to me. I've always felt the saying "If you want something done right, do it yourself," has been a motto of mine. It is hard to rely on other people sometimes. Things will get messed up. People will get hurt. It happens. It sometimes makes me feel weak and even silly that I should even have to need people. I'm an independent woman and can do everything myself! But I can't. And don't always want to. That leaves me vulnerable to needing another, for better or for worse.
ReplyDeleteLea -- yes. What you said. All of it.
ReplyDelete