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Friday, May 20, 2011

Correspondence Hall of Shame, the Pre-Rapture Edition

According to some self-proclaimed experts, the world as we know it is ending tomorrow. Might as well spend my last day doing things I'm good at -- making my friends laugh and snarking at idiots.

Hi , you have a beautifull ass , I will love to spank you !

Uh... no. You won't.

I would enjoy indulging in your ass, luv.

Why do I get the feeling that my butt is a pint of Ben & Jerry's?

I have admit seeing you and your lovely red bare bottom being spanked caused a little rise :)

Emphasis on "little," I'm sure. (snicker) Really? You just had [to] admit this? Your last act on this earth before the Rapture? Sheesh. Looks like you didn't have much of a life to begin with.

i wanna give you the best panties for an older woman award :]

Oh, you've got to be @#$%ing kidding me. Well, thank you. I'm honored. It was quite a coup, finding those tanga Depends.

And finally... what do I love, kids? Long, rambling propositions from men who clearly didn't bother reading my profile. OK, I'll cut this guy a little slack, since English isn't his first language (he's from Switzerland). But still...

hello my dear

i saw your profile and i loved it. the picture is wonderful. but that is not what i am looking for. the girl, woman, lover on my side has to be very pretty inside. that is the only thing that is really important, and what will be very important to me/us.

i am not looking for a sexpartner only, but it is really importantp. i have been inside a RS without sex for 3 years and that almost killed me - REALLY!

i am very open for the most of it but if you are not open enough to live our sexual fantasies, that would be very bad. you must be communicativ, tender,lovely, understanding, inteligent, faithful, ... submissive and obdient.

let's meet and let's see what happends. i am a good man/dom and it could be your and my dream to go forward and make fantasies come true.

if you are really interested, than please write me to with your contact adress - best would be a mess anger-adress.

you should know, that i am very sexual and have a good sexdrive when i am attracted to my sub and have found my real sub, but not just "fuck". qualitiy is more important then quantity. but i also love to pleasure my partner like she does it to me. with feelings it is more beautyful that just without.

i love my partner to be more sub, sluty, devoted and submissive. i am looking for my all-in-one-girl-sub. the bdsm-part is a part of my life - not my whole life - but very important.

you should love to dress yourself sexy on my side.

best thing would be, when you have a fable for skirts, sexy shirts/blouse, black(pvc-latex), leather, high heels or boots. i really will admire her for that and will take good care, protect and support her.

be sure, i don't care any distance, because when we got the connection, we will see where the way goes and leads us.

i am single and i am open to relocate you or myself when it is necessary, when i have found the right sub. i don't care where my sub is form and how long it needs to meet here as long as we are in contact. but the domination is a part of me - and your devotion is a gift to me, that i will respect and admire.

i am not a player or a time waster - i met to many on this site. i had a sub, but she was busy all the time and the business was more important - i had to accept that.

i pormise, when you answer you won't be disappointed.


(groan) He mentions "sub" or "submissive" eight times. My ad's headline reads: "NOT a submissive, just a bottom." What does that tell you?

Whaddaya mean, you're not a time waster? You've already wasted several precious minutes of my life that I'll never get back.

If you're a dom, why do you lower-case your I's? Do Swiss keyboards not have a shift key?

And finally -- if you're willing to relocate me, would you relocate my boyfriend too? Thanks much. :-)

In other news, the controversial topic on FetLife about spanking models doing pay sessions at parties rages on, over 200 responses at this time. Church Lady came back and posted more of her endless blather; I lost my temper and told her to put a sock in it. People messaged me privately and cheered. But it didn't stop her; she posted even more judgmental crap. I give up. Yup, it's true, folks. All of us in the video industry are soul-less whores and we will corrupt your children and poison your pets. We're all about money and we're going to hell in a shopping basket.

But we're sure as hell having fun. :-Þ

OK, kiddies. See you on the other side. I just hope that if this damned Rapture is for real tomorrow, it happens before John and I have to take his mother to lunch.

Yes, I'm horrible. :-)  Have a great weekend, y'all.


  1. Hello my Erica, hehehe those bloody idiot's better learn to spell and stop wasting your time, I just asked my dad what all this talk is about that the world is coming to an end and i said does that mean we are all going to die tomorrow and he said that the same guy predicted this back in 1984 and it didn't happen, my dad says he thinks this guy likes to cause trouble hehehe LOL. Let's all have one hell of a time getting spanked :-) cheer's to the world coming to an end NOT. LOVE YOU and sending you big hugs always from your naughty girl Jade xoxo see you on the other side i will be the girl with the halo and wings so that will make me an angel hehehe :-)

  2. ha ha I was all judgy on that thread.

    So, when you moving to Switzerland?

  3. Yep, sweet, submissive, obedient Erica. That's clearly the way the world works.
    Serious eye-rollage :P

  4. Jade -- honey, trust me, there are NO angels where I'm headed. ;-)

    Iggy -- LOL... with the way this country is falling apart, I just might consider it! But not to be with THAT clown.

    Justalex -- are you saying I can't be sweet? I can TOO be sweet, dammit! (stamping foot)

  5. My favorite bit was the part about hoping the rapture would take place before going lunch with John and his mother. That actually made me laugh!

  6. I almost want to sneak a peek at that thread on Fetlife. I love judging judgy people.

  7. Dana -- I know that was dreadfully snarky, but I just couldn't help myself. :-)

    Pink -- have a couple of glasses of wine and then go read when you have a LOT of time on your hands. You will be amazed.

  8. Hilarious post, Erica! Your comments are always so much fun to read.

    I'm tempted to find that Fetlife thread too...but I might take the suggestion to have a couple glasses of wine first.

  9. Erica,

    I am ROFLMHO! You can be so funny and I love these posts you do on some of the idiotic notes you get.

    On the rapture thing, no one knows when and the guy is just a bit off his rocker. And how do you know where you will end up?? You just might be surprized. Ya never know. :-)

    So the Fetlife Church Lady is back, eh? I wonder what her problem is. I sure have no problem for the pros to charge. I mean, that is how some of them make a living for crying out loud. I guess there just has to be one in every chatroom and blog that has to stir the pot a bit or have a fire going. Maybe if everybody ignored her?

  10. Lizzie -- go for it. It's an amusing way to spend an hour or so, I guess. :-)

    Bobbie Jo -- how do I know where I'll end up? :-D Well, let's review. The Catholics say I'm going to hell because I'm Jewish. The Christians say I'm going to hell because I don't embrace Jesus. Other reasons I'm going to hell -- Hmmmm... I've had sex outside of marriage. I shoplifted gum when I was 14 (thou shalt not steal). I've been known to use the Lord's name in vain on occasion. Oh... and then there's that little matter of my baring my ass all over the Internet! LOL

  11. Oh Erica,

    Check out Spanking Tube. YOU are on there in some Spanking Court clips. You are now classified as a star. How about that!

    Catholics can't judge, neither can other Christians (even though they think they can like Church Lady). As for the the other things, well, so what! I say you've got as big a chance of being in the nice place as any one else. So there! :-P

  12. OMG! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I love it! Thank you, Bobbie Jo.

  13. I knew you would like that! ;-D And you are most welcome!!!!

    I thought it was really cool.

  14. "tanga Depends" - That's hilarious. And now I SO want to write a fable about the three little skirts: Wool, Cotton and Latex.

    The rapture is supposed to happen at "suppertime" around the world in each time zone. Would that be 5 pm? Surely not 7 or later. Reminds me of the song Snoopy sings in "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown":

    Supper, super pepper-upper,
    Supper, super duper supper time!

    Sounds like a rapture to me!


  15. Thanks for another amusing round of CHoS.

    Regarding the churchlady on FetLife, I think she's just trolling. People like her like to get attention, stir the pot and get people worked up. If everyone just ignored her she'd stop posting and everyone's blood pressure could return to normal.

  16. Dear Older Woman who needs tanga Depends. Keep it up, some of us come here for your snarky wit.

  17. All the Apollo astronauts took Tanga into space with them! The TV ads said so.

    Rapture is actually snickering aloud at snark. (SAAN)

  18. Holy Typo, Batgirl!

    I meant, "Snickering Aloud At Snark (SAAS)"

    Just testing the poofreaders.

  19. Erica -- The Rapture arrives around suppertime? I'd better get my usual Saturday order of Chinese food earlier in the day, then....

  20. Hermione -- I heard 6 p.m. So I guess everyone back East is already dead? And you're right -- for Snoopy, suppertime was rapturous!

    Anonymous -- normally I'd agree with you, but I know this woman. She never shuts up.

    OBB -- I'll do my best! :-)

    Dave, Dave, Dave -- that's TANG, you punny perv. ;-)

    Dr. Ken -- Hey, that's perfect! You won't have to work about being hungry a couple of hours later, because, well...

  21. ROFL @ "tanga Depends"! Omg, I can't believe some of these people. I've heard that spanking is illegal in Switzerland, so if anything this poor fellow should relocate to you.

  22. "Why do I get the feeling that my butt is a pint of Ben & Jerry's?"

    You are what you eat?


  23. The Swiss do good cheese and great clocks. I have nothing else to say on that.
    I am sorry about the rapture not happening because I had a house guest (relative) and would have welcomed some form of intervention last night.
    I hope Fetlife lady socks up soon, I would give her Swiss man's email and see if the two of them can entertain each other. :)

  24. Lea -- I do hope that's spanking of children that's illegal in Switzerland, and not consenting adults! :-)

    Glen -- actually, no. I'm more of a frozen yogurt kind of girl -- Ben & Jerry's is far too caloric.

    Poppy -- she wrote another long, loooooooooong post yesterday, among other things, spouting some nonsense about how certain women are elitist, arrogant and condescending and they probably don't like other women. She couldn't mean me. I LOVE other women. I just can't stand sanctimonious bitches. ;-)

  25. Erica,

    I like ice cream too much!! My bum is not a pint, but a gallon of it. Even if it was frozen yogurt. LOL

    Sounds like Churchlady is a troll. She may rattle on and on, but I think if there could be a consenus with the group to totally ignor her, she would get the point. It may take six months, LOL, but when trolls don't get the attention they want, they tend to go elsewhere. Then again, Churchlady just might be one of those that is kooky enough to keep going. Some people!

    BTW, it is a known fact that often the ones who are the most condeming usually are the same way they say the others are. Just look at what she writes. She is really condemning herself and she has no idea she is doing that. In a way, it is sad because people like that drive others away from them.

    Yeah, spanking kids is illegal in Switzerland, but probably not for consenting adults.

  26. I went online and checked the keyboard configuration in Switzerland and I can confirm that they have both i and I keys.

  27. Craig -- now that's thorough! :-)