PLEASE NOTE: This blog contains adult subjects and content, and because of Google/Blogger's recent nonsense, I HAVE MOVED TO WORDPRESS. For my enlightened friends who wish to visit me in my new home, it's Please bookmark it!

The rest of you? Please take your judge-y selves somewhere more wholesome, like here:

Go on.... shoo!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


It's official -- Mother Nature has lost her mind. A week ago Monday, it hit 113 degrees in downtown Los Angeles. And it could have been higher, but we'll never know. The National Weather Service thermometer downtown, which has been keeping the temperature since 1877, broke at 1:00 p.m.

A week later? Cool, cloudy, rainy. Last night, I actually put on a bathrobe.

And by this weekend? Supposed to be back up into the 80s and 90s, and absolutely bone-dry. Blech.

For the moment, it's gray and cloudy. My window is open, and all is blissfully quiet save for the drizzle coming down and the occasional car sloshing by. My favorite kind of day. I'm still feeling some pleasant residual soreness from Monday night. Yesterday, I got the last of my dental work over with, and amazingly, my teeth aren't hurting today. I should be quite serene right now.

But I'm not. I'm edgy and nervous, feeling that free-floating anxiety that plagues me sometimes. I'm worried about J. Yes, it's stupid. He has the flu. Granted, it's a really bad flu. But he'll get better. I hope. See? There I go again. Of course he'll get better.

Yesterday was his birthday; I spoke with him last night. He sounded horrible; no better than he was last weekend. I hurt for him.

This coming weekend, we had plans. We have an annual ritual with a dear friend; each year, she gangs my birthday with J's and takes us out for dinner. We usually go back to her place afterward for coffee and birthday cake, and she fusses over us. Last year, she took us to a Groundlings show. Today, she emailed me to confirm... and I had to write back to her and postpone. I know he won't be well enough by Saturday to enjoy himself, and I don't want her putting out money and effort when it will be wasted. God, I hated doing that. I was so looking forward to seeing her.

Here's how crazy I am, kids. In my worried state, my mind starts to wander into projection, into future nightmares. This is what getting old looks like. This is what we have to look forward to; one thing after another. If your body doesn't fall apart, your mind disintegrates, or vice versa. And if you're lucky enough to stay healthy, then you end up being a caretaker to someone else.

Jesus! Am I a freaking mess, or what? No wonder I need stress-relief spankings.

Sorry to be such a downer. I thought about posting something else, coming up with some sort of interesting and controversial topic, but you know what? Fuck it. This is where I'm at today. This blog is nothing if not honest. This is Erica, tears and fears, self-centerness and all.

I will stay in the moment. Breathe deep, and listen to the rain. Feel the peace of this day. After all, this moment is all we have; the rest is unknown. And that's probably what drives me the craziest... but I won't think about it. Thinking is not good for me sometimes.


  1. Now is a great time to tap into what ever else calms, soothes you or makes you laugh. Spanked already. Check. J's out of comission temporarily.
    At least the weather is cooperative for you. It's really excellent curl up on the couch with a blanket kind of weather. If you get bored watching TV maybe you could either prank call your spanking partners...or go egg your neighbors' houses! kidding! kidding! :)

  2. Kelly -- thanks for commenting. I was afraid I'd driven everyone away with my whining. :-(

    Hmmmm... prank calls and eggs aren't really my style. But I love the curling up with a blanket idea. Tonight, when all my favorite Wed. night shows are on. :-)

  3. It's aaaaall going to be okay, Erica.

    These things happen. Shit happens. People get sick, they get better. The rain will go away and it'll get stinking hot again. The people that do well are those who roll with it, like a dinghy on the waves. Just ride it out...

  4. Craig -- I get seasick. Although people have been known to say that I'm a little dinghy... :-) Thanks, sweetie.

  5. You said J exercises a lot, and from some pictures you posted, he looks pretty healthy to me. Neither of you are old yet!! No way!!
    I know how awful it gets when the world suddenly goes from bright to black, and you wonder if the brightness is a hoax, and it's just all black. It's not. You'll see it again. Part of the brightness is the hope that it will get better. Hold onto that hope!
    You and J seem like awesome people to me, Erica, and you both are in my thoughts.

  6. Bonnie-jo -- that was very sweet of you; thank you. :-) My world loses its color sometimes... but it comes back.

  7. it's the sudden change that does it. from late may to early oct. we had unbroken temps. in the mid 90's during the day and high 80's at night. then 6 inches of rain and now mid 70's and 60's. it's the adjustment thats hard.

    see my last post and act on it. you can do it. hearty
    soup good bread and stinky cheese will will drive out the flu devil.

    ahhhh...time to curl up with a nice nevil shute [norway] and enjoy the cool.



  8. ddon -- he can't eat any of that, unfortunately. When he gets well, then we'll fatten him back up with some hearty food.

  9. Now Erica... here's the positive.. you don't live in Phoenix.

    You are worrying way too much my little chic-a-dee! SO! If you haven't already.. read this #1 best seller:

    Ekhart Tolle's message is simple... living in the now is the truest path to happiness and enlightenment. In The Power of Now he shows you how to recognize yourself as the creator of your own pain, and how to have a pain-free existence (spanking aside!) by living fully in the present. Accessing your deepest self, and your true self, can be learned, (so says he) by freeing yourself from the conflicting, unreasonable demands of the mind and living "present, fully and intensely, in the Now."

    AND FRANKLY... I think you just need a big **HUG!** (always helps me!)

  10. Zelle -- you're right. Phoenix would suck.

    Thank you for the link and info. And I will take that hug!

  11. Hello my Erica you and J mean so much to me your both very nice world is more black than bright these days i need a miracle.i am always here if you need me i am never to far away.everything will be ok for you i just know it :-) i just sent you a big hug i hope you got it. LOL XOXO from your naughty girl Jade

  12. Jade -- thank you, dear. I hope you feel better soon too.

  13. My husband has been in Phoenix all week, and he says the weather sucks... So yeah, be grateful you're there.

    You are very fortunate in having "new guy" on the scene to see to your needs. I hope that J improves soon. It's too bad that his birthday celebration has to be postponed. (I never did get my birthday spanking--haven't been spanked since January--That REALLY sucks!)

  14. Whoops! I meant to say "be grateful you're NOT there"--in Phoenix. But you knew what I meant, right?

  15. By chance, did J get a flu shot? Here in Pittsburgh a recent news report said many people got flu symptoms shortly after getting the shot.

  16. Dana -- yup, I knew what you meant. Not since January?? Oh, hell. I hope you can rectify that situation soon!

    Kelly -- that is a very good point. J got his flu shot when he was first starting to feel off. He thought he had a cold at the time, and they came around at his work giving the shots, so he took one. I have a feeling that just made things much worse.

  17. I don't know what I could possibly do to "rectify that situation" :-( An anti-stress spanking would, I'm certain, be most beneficial. In fact, any kind of spanking would probably be beneficial.

  18. Erica, I love ya lots... I recommend booze and Netflix.

  19. Danny -- honey, you recommend booze on general principles. :-) You also recommend bacon. Hey, maybe if I poach my liver and blow my cholesterol through the roof, I'll forget all about being anxious?