Calgon, take me away!

Remember those commercials, or am I hopelessly dating myself? Anyway, I don't need a fancy bubble bath -- I need a lobotomy.

Stressful weekend. Went to J's Saturday morning and found him even worse than he was last weekend. He looked so sick, it scared me, but he insisted he was more tired than anything else and we should go have some lunch.

Took him to get a bite to eat and then ran errands with him, at his insistence. He needed printer cartridges (of course, that couldn't wait) and he wanted to get his groceries too. It was 90+ degrees out, and he sat in my passenger seat, bundled up in his jacket and with his fur-lined trenchcoat wrapped around him. Still, we got the errands done and got him back home to bed.

Couple of hours later, he came staggering out of the bedroom, and the look on his face made my heart jump up to where my tonsils used to be. I will not detail what happened right after that. Suffice it to say it was dreadfully unpleasant for both of us.

Got him back to bed and collapsed on his couch, feeling like jumping into my car and fleeing. I'm not proud of that, but that's how I felt. Seeing him like this for so long was freaking me out. But I stayed.

Later, I went out to get myself some dinner and bring back something for him. Got him some miso soup, some Pepto-Bismol and a thermometer. He woke up for a little while, long enough for me to get some Pepto, some Tylenol and a bowl of soup into him. And some grapes. For whatever reason, he can't get enough grapes. Took his temp -- 101.5. Not as bad as it's been, but still up there, since his normal temp is low, around 97-point-something, just as mine is.

Slept on his couch -- well, tried to, anyway. He woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, and then, sick as he was, he brought me blankets. I didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't need them, I was already too hot -- just said thank you, and discreetly pushed the blankets back off after he went back to bed.

Today, I thought I'd get him squared away with a light lunch and then head home, but he said he was a little better and wanted to go out. Took his temp again -- Normal! Hallelujah! He wanted to take a shower, but when he first got in, he fumbled with the sprayer, dropped it and got water all over the bathroom floor. I knelt down to sponge it up and he snapped at me that I was doing it wrong and missing spots. Finally he yelled at me to stop, grabbed the sponge and did it himself. Then he apologized profusely for yelling at me.

He managed to eat his breakfast, albeit very slowly. He alternated between pulling on two jackets and then taking them both off, then putting them on again. At least the food didn't get his intestines in an uproar. Got him home and helped him prepare everything to bring to his office in the morning. Yes, he was going to work. He hasn't been exercising and he can barely eat, but he still goes to work. If he doesn't go to work, that means he's no longer among the living. So I made a list for him of things to remember, because in his febrile state he'd forget them otherwise. Once I'd done everything I could think of, I finally took off, leaving him to sleep and going home where I could get some sleep myself. He promised me that if he didn't start to turn around this week, he'd go back to Kaiser. It's been nearly a month.

Got about 2/3 of the way home and realized I left my overnight bag there. Turned around and went back. By the time I got back to his place, I was beyond frazzled. "Hey, you're not supposed to be in worse shape than I am," he joked. He insisted repeatedly that I had been wonderful this weekend and he couldn't have managed without me. I don't think I was wonderful... I was a nutcase. Where do people get the fortitude to be caretakers? I don't have it. I can't do a thing for my mother, and I'm not much better with J.

Still had to run errands, get my own groceries, and of course heading back from his place the second time, there was an accident and traffic came to a standstill. We all poked along at about 10-15 miles an hour, the setting sun blinding us.

Home, sweet home. Unpacked my stuff and fell into bed, and was out like a light for a little over an hour. Now, I'm catching up with email and enjoying the peace and solitude.

Tomorrow? Another dose of stress release. Thank goodness. It couldn't be more timely.

Yes, I know, I'm perverse and twisted. I'm looking forward to pain. But with this pain comes a blissful relief. My mind shuts off and my body sings and thrums with endorphin surge. If I'm addicted, then so be it. Spanking won't pickle my liver or fry holes in my brain. Or bankrupt me. As addictions go, it's quite innocuous. :-)

Hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend.