Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Repost: By Special Request!
Over a year ago, I posted the following entry on my old MySpace blog. (Jeeez, now that I've been here for a while, I can't believe I blogged on that site for so long. Blech!) I also put it on FetLife, but my buddy Zelle has requested that I repost this on here, for those who aren't Fet members and for my new readers who didn't see it the first time. Sooooo... if you're already seen this, my apologies, and you can blame it on Zelle! ;-) (Kidding, honey!) And if it's new to you, hope you enjoy it.
So, without further ado, here is a repost of Proper Behavior During a Spanking: Erica Style. You can consider it another installment of Erica's Helpful Hints.
I've been reading more blogs lately. A while ago, a snippet from a DD (Domestic Discipline) blog was posted in a blog entry called This and That, a collection of snippets from several blogs. Following are five rules, according to DD/HoH (Head of Household) practitioners, for proper behavior during a spanking:
1. One must lie still during chastisement, and not attempt to wiggle out of the way of the spanking.
2. One must not try to block with her hands. This is so dangerous, especially if an implement is being used.
3. Unless you are asked a question you should remain silent, other than repentant tears and sobs.
4. Do not attempt to fight a punishment. If you are told to lie over your HOH's knee so he may begin, just do it.
5. For HOH's: lecture, lecture, lecture. This is one of the most critical things in DD. A lecture can make a difference between tears and stoic behavior.
Mind you, I am not posting these to ridicule them. Clearly, there are folks who follow these rules and believe in them. Whatever works. However, for those of us who are on the not-so-submissive side, these rules are not applicable. Therefore, as a public service, I hereby offer my own version of How To Behave During a Spanking.
1. You are not a sack of potatoes. Kick those legs. Pound the carpet/bed/couch. Squirm. Wriggle. You're going to get spanked anyway, so why make it so damned easy for the top?
2. Reaching back with your hands is not a good idea. Not because it annoys the top, but your hand might get clobbered and that really hurts. So keep them in front of you. Of course, if a wayward elbow or fist happens to connect with the top's shin, that's OK.
3. This is a spanking, not a visit to the library. You don't have to be quiet. Use your voice. Scream and yell. Fuss, cuss and whine. The only exception to this is if your top asks you to repeat some ridiculous phrase, like "Thank you, Sir." Then you should remain silent. Or improvise. If you're clever, you can make "Fuck you, Sir" sound sort of like "Thank you, Sir." They're both one-syllable words that end with k.
4. Put up a little resistance beforehand. Why should you accept your fate with such stoicism? It's going to hurt either way; at least you'll have the pride of knowing you tried to avoid it. Argue, reason, plead, refuse to cooperate. Don't remove your own clothing. If he wants anything up/down/off, he can do it himself.
5. Tops: Scold all you like. Just bear one thing in mind -- no matter what you say, all we hear is blah blah blah.
6. Bonus tip: Implements are wretched things and deserve no respect whatsoever. If one is placed within your reach, fling it across the room. If one is broken on you, gloat and cheer. If your top asks you to kiss one, blow raspberries on it.
So, what did we learn? How about a little pop quiz?
1. When a top asks you, "Why am I spanking you?", you answer: a. Because I was a bad girl, Sir. b. I don't know. c. Because you're an ass.
2. If a top says, "Stop kicking!" you: a. Stop kicking immediately. b. Tearfully plead, "But it hurts, Sir, I can't help it." c. Snap, "Stop spanking!"
3. When a top tells you to pull down your panties, you: a. Immediately pull them down, and take off your dress for good measure. b. Look at him pleadingly and say, "Please, not my panties!" c. Snap, "Pull them down yourself! Is your hand broken?"
4. If a top asks, mid-spanking, if you have anything to say, you reply: a. I'm sorry, Sir. b. Please, no more, it hurts. c. Yes. Go f*** yourself.
5. If a top bruises/blisters his hand spanking you, you: a. Kiss his hand, then promptly fetch him an implement to finish the job. b. Promise you'll be better, so next time he won't have to spank so hard. c. Laugh your head off and call him Edward Sissyhands.
I don't think I need to post an answer key -- y'all know me well enough to know what the right answers are.
No need to thank me for this PSA, folks. I am here for you.
So, without further ado, here is a repost of Proper Behavior During a Spanking: Erica Style. You can consider it another installment of Erica's Helpful Hints.
I've been reading more blogs lately. A while ago, a snippet from a DD (Domestic Discipline) blog was posted in a blog entry called This and That, a collection of snippets from several blogs. Following are five rules, according to DD/HoH (Head of Household) practitioners, for proper behavior during a spanking:
1. One must lie still during chastisement, and not attempt to wiggle out of the way of the spanking.
2. One must not try to block with her hands. This is so dangerous, especially if an implement is being used.
3. Unless you are asked a question you should remain silent, other than repentant tears and sobs.
4. Do not attempt to fight a punishment. If you are told to lie over your HOH's knee so he may begin, just do it.
5. For HOH's: lecture, lecture, lecture. This is one of the most critical things in DD. A lecture can make a difference between tears and stoic behavior.
Mind you, I am not posting these to ridicule them. Clearly, there are folks who follow these rules and believe in them. Whatever works. However, for those of us who are on the not-so-submissive side, these rules are not applicable. Therefore, as a public service, I hereby offer my own version of How To Behave During a Spanking.
1. You are not a sack of potatoes. Kick those legs. Pound the carpet/bed/couch. Squirm. Wriggle. You're going to get spanked anyway, so why make it so damned easy for the top?
2. Reaching back with your hands is not a good idea. Not because it annoys the top, but your hand might get clobbered and that really hurts. So keep them in front of you. Of course, if a wayward elbow or fist happens to connect with the top's shin, that's OK.
3. This is a spanking, not a visit to the library. You don't have to be quiet. Use your voice. Scream and yell. Fuss, cuss and whine. The only exception to this is if your top asks you to repeat some ridiculous phrase, like "Thank you, Sir." Then you should remain silent. Or improvise. If you're clever, you can make "Fuck you, Sir" sound sort of like "Thank you, Sir." They're both one-syllable words that end with k.
4. Put up a little resistance beforehand. Why should you accept your fate with such stoicism? It's going to hurt either way; at least you'll have the pride of knowing you tried to avoid it. Argue, reason, plead, refuse to cooperate. Don't remove your own clothing. If he wants anything up/down/off, he can do it himself.
5. Tops: Scold all you like. Just bear one thing in mind -- no matter what you say, all we hear is blah blah blah.
6. Bonus tip: Implements are wretched things and deserve no respect whatsoever. If one is placed within your reach, fling it across the room. If one is broken on you, gloat and cheer. If your top asks you to kiss one, blow raspberries on it.
So, what did we learn? How about a little pop quiz?
1. When a top asks you, "Why am I spanking you?", you answer: a. Because I was a bad girl, Sir. b. I don't know. c. Because you're an ass.
2. If a top says, "Stop kicking!" you: a. Stop kicking immediately. b. Tearfully plead, "But it hurts, Sir, I can't help it." c. Snap, "Stop spanking!"
3. When a top tells you to pull down your panties, you: a. Immediately pull them down, and take off your dress for good measure. b. Look at him pleadingly and say, "Please, not my panties!" c. Snap, "Pull them down yourself! Is your hand broken?"
4. If a top asks, mid-spanking, if you have anything to say, you reply: a. I'm sorry, Sir. b. Please, no more, it hurts. c. Yes. Go f*** yourself.
5. If a top bruises/blisters his hand spanking you, you: a. Kiss his hand, then promptly fetch him an implement to finish the job. b. Promise you'll be better, so next time he won't have to spank so hard. c. Laugh your head off and call him Edward Sissyhands.
I don't think I need to post an answer key -- y'all know me well enough to know what the right answers are.
No need to thank me for this PSA, folks. I am here for you.
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