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Friday, October 31, 2014

Correspondence Hall of Shame, The Halloween Edition

Boo! Did you really think I was going to disappear and cease all my snarking and sniping just because I am temporarily laid low? Au contraire. And really, what better day than Halloween for bringing on the freak show? Just three of 'em today, but they are good ones.

I am single no baggage no wifes of girl friend.
I'm Master Xxxx and I am also looking for Sadist/masochist relationship. I have 40 years experience as a Dominant Master and have owned two slaves/wives for over 10 years each in the past. Now for my true love.. I'm very controlling.. very strict.. and there's no limits.. I enjoy bondage. gags. nipple clamps. all sizes of dildos.. plugs.. anal and oral sex. I love forced sex.. .. I love using blackmail.. I love single women.. and also college girls.. if you want to know anything just ask.. and I love making your bottom red....Love young bi slut ...Will make you my whore.. and make you my pet.

First, make up your damn mind. Is it 45 years, or 40? If you can't even keep track of how many years you've been doing this, I don't have high hopes for you.

No wifes of girl friend? I would hope your girl friend doesn't have wifes. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but California frowns on bigamy. One wife, OK. 

Let's review... you love college girls and young bi sluts. I haven't been a college girl since freaking 1981, I'm not young, and sorry, but I'm all about the sausage, not the taco. You're barking up the wrong tree.

damn seeing all those videos of u gettim spank get me horny, I think u just made me discover a new fetish for me xD

Oh no... say it isn't so. I don't want to be responsible for your new fetish. Or your state of hornitude.

And finally, how's this for irresistible?

Turn fantasy into Real Life
The scenario will play out as follows, One of us will pick you up at the airport and be your driver. He will drive you towards our secluded place, then stop at a store or gas station, where a few of the others will then invade the car, blindfold and cuff you. You will then be driven on to the secluded place. While in route you will be groped,fondled and fingered to get your adrenalin flowing for the events that will be taking place upon your arrival. When they get you to your destination, you will be carried in and tied across a table where your clothes will be ripped and torn from your body. You again will be groped and fondled with toys, hands and tongues until you are on the verge of orgasm. You will then be untied from table and taken to and restrained in an open doorway, where while being lightly flogged on one side, your nipples and labia will be fitted with clamps on the other. Once fitted and flogged, you will again be bound across the table and your groping and fondling will continue again until you are about to orgasm, this time you will be taken by your arms and legs and stretched out, one Dom for each arm and leg. The 5th Dom will be between your legs and will thrust his hard cock deep inside you and fuck you while the 6th Dom will be force feeding you his hard cock, before cumming the 5th and 6th Doms will rotate with the Dom on your left and you again will be fucked and force fed more cock. This will continue till all Doms have had a turn at your pussy and mouth. When everyone has had his turn, you will be laid back on table, but this time face down and the rotation begins again, with you being fucked in which ever hole the Dom wishes to penetrate. Again this will continue until all have used you and also will shoot his load either deep inside you, down your throat, or shower you with it. This will conclude the first day and you will be allowed to bathe and we will eat. You will then be restrained again when time for sleep. During the night, if a Dom feels the urge, he will come in and use you as he wishes.
No, I do not have pic on profile, I am a professional business man and wish for no exposure on this site, I will happily share my photo with you privately.
PS, We only play by our subs limits, respect the hard ones and test all the others and we cover all travel expenses

Holy crap.

I had to go back and reread my profile after this one. I had to make double-damn sure that I hadn't somehow included getting gangbanged by six rotating Doms as one of my fantasies. Oooh, I'd be allowed to bathe! Magnanimous little fuckers, aren't they?

You respect all hard limits, huh? Well, guess what. Pretty much everything you wrote in that pile of dreck above is a hard limit. You are a hard limit. Go. Away.

Because it's Halloween, I dug through the archives and found a photo from about 10 years ago at a party. Two girlfriends and I had gotten three uber-tacky costumes -- a hot dog, mustard, and ketchup -- and we called ourselves The Wienerettes. I was mustard. Here is a shot of me looking like I'm singing, but actually, I was loudly protesting the fact that I was about to be the first to experience that large red paddle you see off to my left. 

So. They say the first two weeks after this surgery are the worst, and I'm entering the second. Keep reminding me that I wanted this, guys, will ya? Right now I feel like my head and neck are going to explode, and I want to break every mirror in the house because I can't stand the sight of myself. You read and read and read about how it's going to be, and you think you're ready, but nothing quite prepares you for looking like the bride of Frankenstein. But this too shall pass.

Have a great weekend, y'all, and a safe and happy Halloween.


  1. How could you possibly resist those offers Erica? lol

    That made for some amusing reading. Thanks. Happy Halloween!

    PS. I'll have to go back and read what the surgery was about.

  2. Erica, I love you as a WIENERETTE. along with the mustard, and ketchup, plus a portion of GILFILTTE FISH, I could eat you all up. Your latest blog essay is FUNNY. XXX Luv ya

  3. Mace -- I don't know. I'm too damn picky, I guess.

    Six -- hot dogs and gefilte fish?? NOOOO!

    1. Erica, can I substitute Chocolate Cake. XXX Luv ya

  4. I had a fantasy about the third one above. It was that his head was underwater and that he wasn't able to breathe until he finished reading his soliloquy, pausing appropriately at commas and other punctuation. In my fantasy, the bubbles stopped about halfway through...and the resulting silence was so beautiful it brought tears to a morning lark's eyes.

  5. Anonymous -- oh, that's good. I may have burst my remaining stitches laughing at that, but it was worth it. :-)

  6. There must be a zillion sauerkraut type responses to your post, only funny, but I can't think of a damn one. Guess I'll go home and try [not] to run over any little tykes and the college age wannabes. This too shall pass. Jon

  7. Jon -- I, for one, don't find anything funny about sauerkraut. (Blech.)

  8. Don't worry, be happy: Frankenstein's bride may be rather popular over Halloween.

  9. MrJ -- yeah, but after tonight, Halloween is over. Oh well. At least I don't have a turkey neck anymore, so no one will be shooting me for Thanksgiving.

  10. Haven't read the various posts above, and I'm sure that this will be a repeat joke, but if you really look like Frankenstein's Bride, dressing up for Halloween ought to have been pretty easy ;-)
    Joke aside, hang in there. You chose the surgery, not for the process of getting to the end result, but for the end result. You are on your way, and you will get there :-)

  11. A classic CHoS if there ever was one.

    Thanks for the good news about John's progress with the miserable HMO.

    Anon E. Mouse

  12. These were messages that were actually sent to you???? They look like examples of bad writing in a BDSM creative writing class. Thanks for the laugh. I hope you are not in to much pain from your surgery. When you are healed I am sure you will look fablous.

  13. I'm SAD. Halloween's over. :( I love your costume. That was a great concept dressing as a condiment combo.
    It's too bad you can't virtually squirt those CHOS fucktards via computer with mustard and other condiments. I wonder how many of those people made it past an 8th grade education.

  14. Kyrel -- yup, I had a built-in Halloween costume! :-)

    Mouse -- I will write more about that soon. But yeah, it was a pleasant change from the usual!

    Robert -- yes, everything I ever post in the Correspondence Hall of Shame is real. The only thing I take out is names and identifiers.

    Kelly -- those costumes we wore were so deliciously tacky. But we had a lot of fun with 'em. :-)

  15. OMG! That last piece of #$%& was something else. I don't have any words for it other than it gave me the creeps. That guy needs help.

    I do encourage you about your surgery. In another week, the worst will be over and you will feel a lot better; in more ways that one. I am sure you will look fantastic and feel that way, too.

  16. More drivel from men who could not get sex in a brothel with a million dollar Visa card limit.


  17. I'd need a diagram or a flow chart to understand all that rotating Dom stuff. It might make a neat video fame!


  18. Bobbie Jo -- yeah, that was something else, huh? What creeps me out is that I'm sure there are woman who would submit to that.

    John -- hah!

    Hermione -- right? It sounds like a porno plot. "All Her Holes."

  19. Hi Erica -- WOW a lot of weirdos write to you UGH :-( The third one that I read the guy sounded sick in the head, he needs a mental hospital, He is a very cruel bastard.that was a scary read. I am sure you will be feeling better soon :-) OMG you look so freaking ADORABLE in that mustard costume :-) Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade, Emily Jean

  20. Jade -- I like the weirdos. Without them, I wouldn't have a CHoS. ;-)