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Friday, October 10, 2014

Dear FetLife...

As I write this, your activity feed is down yet again. This week, it seems like it's been down more than it's been up. One time, it was down all day, when it was supposed to be down for an hour or so for "maintenance."

Am I complaining? Au contraire. I wanted to thank you for the enforced break. Because it is only during these breaks that I realize what a stupefying amount of time I waste on you.

Yes, you have your moments, and I'm grateful for your existence. You keep me in touch with friends and events. You provide a venue where we kinkoids can support one another.

Or tear one another down, as the case may be, and often is.

Such a mixed bag that is FetLife. A place where one can see some exquisite photos of happy kinky people having fun... or of women with a pound of hot dogs or a deluxe pack of Crayola crayons stuffed in their snatch. Where a woman posts a photo of herself with vivid cane stripes in the vicinity of her kidneys -- and gets 100s of "loves" on it.

A place where I love the connections I make... and a place where, despite how many lovely connections I have, I will fixate on the one person who unfriended and blocked me. A place of support and kindness... and a place of drama, popularity contests and sock puppetry.

A place where one can see a lot of kindness and support, like when the community came together to give financial assistance to a friend who had been felled by a heart attack. But also a place where one can see a whole lot of assholes (both literally and figuratively).

A place where sometimes I read amazingly articulate writings that seem to speak directly from my own heart and mind. And then, the very same day, I see an event called "Collard and Gangbanged." That's right -- collard.

Sometimes I wish I could quit you, FetLife. I would gain so much precious time and probably be spared a great deal of annoyance. But I know I'm hopelessly addicted to you and will always drop back in, even if I drop out for a while. Because your social media siren song is powerful.

So please, do continue to have these breaks so I can get stuff done. But can you do me a favor? You know that stupid page that comes up when the feed is down, the one with all the crappy videos that are supposed to keep us entertained? You know that message at the top?

"Sorry my friend, but our feed is currently down."

First, I'm not your friend. And second, will you please add a fucking comma after "sorry"? Every time I see that, it irks the hell out of me.

Thank you. And now, I have work to do.

Have a great weekend, y'all.


  1. All power to the grammatically correct!

  2. LOL!!!!!

    This is a perfect enhancement of joy to an already terrific day. Thank you! :)

    I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel left out by never having the "pleasure" of getting eye raped by not seeing the hot dog filled snatch in MY feed.

    For me Fetlife has steadily declined in importance. I consider you and a handful of other people genuine friends of mine. But if the site permanently "went down" I know where else to find those who truly matter to me.

  3. Kelly -- I was describing the hot dog photo to SpankCake, who quipped, "Were they kosher?" Actually, that's one of the tamer photos. There have been pictures in my feed that make me want a lobotomy.


  4. My peeve? About 20% of the women are actually guys.
    But it's free, who cares.

  5. A classic. Can't live with... can't ... ;-))

  6. Anonymous -- only 20%?

    MrJ -- very true.

  7. Erica, in your biography, you list one of your hobbies, as enjoying doing CROSSWORD PUZZLES. So instead of wasting your time with FET LIFE, go on the INTERNET and find some CROSSWORD PUZZLES to do. They range from
    EASY ONES to HARD ONES. They also have on INTERNET, Some interesting JIGSAW PUZZLES, one can do. I know you are sometimes loaded with work, but they can be most relaxing at times.

  8. Six -- I love both. But I prefer doing them the old-fashioned way. Although I use a pen instead of a pencil, a fact that annoys John to no end. :-)

  9. Hi Erica -- UGH the pics of the lady, with the hot dog's and crayons up her snatch sounds so disgusting LOL, :-) She must have a VERY big snatch to fit that kind of stuff up there LMAO :-) Sounds awkward too.To me FetLife is a very dark place. So I am happy,I can talk to you and see your pics on your blog :-) That way there I won't miss nothing :-) Wishing you and John a GREAT weekend.Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

  10. Jade -- FetLife can be very dark sometimes. It takes a lot of careful navigating.

  11. Crayola crayons! Do they stay in there until they melt? Never mind, I don't want to know.

    "Collard and Gangbanged" sounds like a spinoff of Starsky and Hutch.


  12. I think you really need to tell Fetlife how you really feel about them. LOL. Have a good weekend .

  13. This got me exploring. There is a Fetlife "Kinky and GREEN" group. Maybe they're all collard? Hmm, I also see that there's a "rubbing collard greens on my testicles" fetish. . Now how could I leave Fetlife behind, knowing that? :)

  14. Hermione -- good lord, I don't want to know either.

    Robert -- hmm. Perhaps I should. :-)

    Anonymous -- LOL! There is not!

  15. Fetlife just seems different to me these days. I wondered if it was because I had to take a step back from everything last year, and that I never fully got "reintegrated" upon my return, but it's more than that. Others have been saying the same thing. We used to have such a good thing going on, but now it just feels dead. :/

  16. Alex -- it's definitely not what it used to be. I still find it fun sometimes, but more and more, it seems tiresome to me. It doesn't help that everything under the kinky sun has been discussed 1000 times.