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Friday, March 7, 2014

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 3/7

Happy Friday, everyone. A few tidbits for your amusement, plus an interactive feature today.

Received this one on FetLife last week:

in addition to your regular spankings, I think you should be given enemas on a regular basis.

Tell you what. If I ever plunge to such depths that I care about what the likes of you think, please shoot me. In the meantime, fuck off.

I like your body and I like to spank you and make you to please me.

I like to make you to go away.

I am new to this life and playing with my hole
Would like to talk to you and guidance on Skype as I do it 
I hope that wasn’t to forward

Wait... what??

Nah, not forward at all. You just want me to Skype and watch you do God-knows-what with your hole. And I don't think you're talking about a pit you've dug in your yard.

And honestly, if you want guidance for how to play with that orifice, sorry, I'm not your girl. But I could recommend a couple for you.

Here is this edition's head-splitter:

Hi sweety you look as great as you did in Gregory films even better you never age u beauty great ass lil lady happy new year daddy/xxx from last year---i go to "PADDLES" i N.Y. + saw you at Hell fire spankathons mmmm take care lil lady bring pillow with you incase we meet hee he your how do you do it you look 28 yrs old sweety your pal xxx/daddy

I do appreciate the compliments, but your way of delivering them is making my eyes bleed. Um... No, I've never been to Hellfire, whatever that is. You have me confused with someone else. Please find her and leave me alone.

And finally, here's where I need your help, kids. Are you familiar with the term "malaprop"? Basically, it means when you use one word incorrectly, when you clearly meant to use another. I see it all the time in proofreading. It's not a typo; it's a brain blip, and pretty much everyone does it at some point.

Examples: "He entered rehab of his own fruition." (Should have been volition.) "She plummeted his chest with her fists." (Should have been "pummeled.") Or, a personal favorite at an old job -- everyone hated the bosses there, and when they went to lunch one day, my co-worker burst out of his cubicle and dramatically announced, "There's distension among the troops!" I looked up at him. "Why, do they have gas?" (He meant dissension.)

Anyway. In the ongoing drama-fest that is FetLife, there's yet another flame war carrying on. No, I'm not giving any details or taking any sides... I'm staying the hell out of it. However, something was said in one of the posts and it is driving me crazy, because I know the writer meant something else.

Look this is turning into a mud slinging camisole

WTF??? What could this person possibly have meant instead of camisole? Any ideas? Unless there's a line of violent lingerie out there that I don't know about. Perhaps one can also buy a pie-throwing petticoat?

Writer friends? HELLLLLPPP!

Have a great weekend, y'all. Don't forget to set your clocks ahead. 


  1. Lol - I'm going with "carousel" maybe?!

  2. Catherine -- could be? My first thought was "rigmarole," but that seemed far-fetched.

  3. I dont know kiddo , I think you would look rather hot in a camisole, slinging mud , better yet ... jello ... yeah jello !! Bwaaaaaaaahahahahaha...... Ummm nevermind ... LOL

  4. I did have someone refer to me as a Prevert once .... Not sure which way that works ??

  5. D -- I suppose if I had to choose, I'd pick Jell-O as well. Mud is gross.

  6. More than likely the writer meant contest, misspelled it and Autocorrect did the rest LOL.

  7. Cheryl -- could be. However, it was part of a very long post... would have been awfully tedious from a phone. But I guess that's what people do these days!

  8. Hi Erica --What a bunch of IDIOTS that write to you, You are too funny I can't stop laughing,LMAO :-) Thanks for the laugh I needed that.I wish I could help you with the writing :-( I Suck at writing. Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

  9. A silky camisole looks like shit with mud on it. I'm certain he/she meant exactly what they said. ;-)

    "Playing with my hole" made me laugh out loud. At work. People just amaze me and, as always, your CHoS always delights.

    Thanks for making my Friday evening.

    Oh! Just a thought! Maybe the person was using Siri and said "free for all" on their phone and Siri "autocorrected" it to "camisole". That's my legit guess.

  10. Jade -- glad you enjoyed it.

    Craig -- I would go with the Autocorrect theory, but you should see the writing overall. The person is, well, functionally illiterate. Doesn't use punctuation. Misspells everything.

  11. I tried substituting camel's toe and parasol, and neither is a clear improvement...sorry :)

  12. Erica,

    Thank you for the laugh. I think the writer meant to use a word that meant "free for all."

    Have a wonderful weekend.


  13. Erica, where I used to work we would have commendation meetings to share letters and phone calls from customers about people who were helpful or went out of their way for them. It drove me crazy hearing fellow employees saying we were having accommodation meeting. Not a blip because it was ALL the time, even after they were corrected.

  14. ok, my answer to the first one would have been, "I'm already regular, thanks."

    I had a friend who used to use condone for condemn ALL the time, and I just wanted to scream, "That means the OPPOSITE of what you want it to mean!!!"

    But I didn't.

  15. Sew what yer saying is these communicationers aren't passing the mustard with there communicable encounters?! :)

  16. Unknown -- hah! Could be!

    joey -- probably. Glad you enjoyed these. :-)

    Kaki -- yeah, that's just a flat-out mistake, sounds like.

    Sarah -- LOL! Yeah, I had to bite my tongue when a co-worker once complained to me that the company's taxes were too absorbent. (I think she meant exorbitant.)

    Kelly -- easy for you to say!


  17. Erica, I like your funny malapropos Would you say the guy who wrote you about needing an ENEMA, was an ASSHOLE. XXX Luv ya.

  18. Six -- that's one word for him, yes.

  19. Casserole? Free for all?

    I asked Google for help, typed "mudslinging ca" and all Google could come up with was campaign.


  20. Hermione -- I think "campaign" is the best choice. :-D

  21. I'm sure s/he meant, "Mud-slinging cubbyhole." Glad to help you clear that up.

  22. ("Mudslinging" isn't hyphenated? Well, OK, if everyone wants to be out of step except Wolfie...)

  23. Dave -- nooooooooo, I don't think that works either. Oh, and the OP (original poster) wrote mudslinging as two words, so I kept it as such. But yeah, it's one word.

  24. Erica, the guy who recommended the enema was giving you a compliment. There are many, many spankos who have an intense fondness for enema play, and believe that everyone would enjoy it if they just tried it. I'd recommend you try one and see what you think. If it's unpleasant, just keep the experience to yourself.

  25. Anonymous -- I understand it's a semi-common adjunct to the spanking fetish. But telling a perfect stranger that they need a very personal invasive procedure performed on them regularly is not a compliment. It's presumptuous.

    1. I don't disagree. I'm just suggesting that the fellow meant no offense.

  26. Erica, your correspondence hall of shame is my favorite part of your blog. I've received job applications in the past that contain some real winners, like one person who described herself as a "ferocious reader" (voracious). Another guy, an American who had attended some no-name school in England, said that made him a "road scholar" (Rhodes Scholar).

  27. Biker -- (heavy sigh) Yes, I'm sure you get to see it all with job applications!