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Wednesday, June 6, 2012

So, where was I?

Figured I should post something, given the volume of correspondence I've received in the past couple of days. I'm sorry I didn't reply to each individual blog comment as I usually do, but I know you understand. Please also know that I appreciate every one of them.

It's been amazing, the comments and messages. People I know and love, and others whom I don't know, but they wanted to reach out to me anyway. I guess this business of mourning lost loved ones is all too universal. And as Mija and Indy so eloquently stated in their respective blogs, today's virtual communities offer new versions of succor. Instead of casseroles, we get emails. In lieu of flowers, we get tweets. We post pictures of our loved ones and share them with the world -- I posted a photo of my mother on FetLife and got over 80 comments on it. The personal bubble of mourning expands to include our cyber friends and supporters.

I may not be able to feel real hugs, but I sense them. That means just as much.

ST came over Monday. No playing; he just sat and talked with me for nearly four hours. Such a dear friend he is.

I went to visit my cousin yesterday; I have not seen him in many years. You know, the one who grew up with my mother, and partnered with my dad in early TV writing. He will be 90 next month. It was an interesting couple of hours, as we talked. He shared a lot of detailed memories of both my parents, funny stories, etc. What a fascinating life he's had. His age is beginning to take its toll; while he could remember so much, other things eluded him. For example, he recalled absolutely nothing of arranging my father's memorial 14 years ago. And when he poured us both a glass of water from a pitcher, his hand shook badly and he spilled water all over the counter.

I hope he will stick around for a while. He is a distant figure in my life, but a prominent one at the same time. He is the one living soul who knew both my parents from way back when.

Side note: in the past few days, several friends have looked at my mother's pictures and said, "You look like her." I'm deeply flattered by this, but baffled. I was always under the impression that I looked just like my father. I don't have my mother's coloring, build or features. So yesterday, I asked my cousin, "Who do I look like, Mom or Dad?"

He didn't even take a beat. With no hesitation, he looked into my face and said, "You look like your father." Interesting. My mother was lovely. I'm still happy people think I resemble her somewhat.

Today, I got a message on Facebook, from another distant cousin on my mother's side. It was a lovely note, saying she read my blog and wept. That she never had a grandmother (her grandmother was my mother's sister, the one who offed herself in 1981), and my mom was the closest thing to a grandmother that she had. She recalled how Mom used to tell her to sit up straight, don't eat so many potatoes, stay out of the sun, etc. Had to laugh at that. Mom told everyone what to do, not just me, bless her heart!

Then it hit me. Oy. She read my blog. She mentioned nothing of the elephant stampeding through the room. I took a deep breath and wrote back to her. I said she now knew of my alter ego, my not-so-secret secret life. That she was the first family member to know of it, and while I am not ashamed of who I am, I chose not to tell people whom I didn't think would understand. I hope she will be discreet. If she is, she is. If not... oh well. People will think what they think. I know the truth and what the Erica Scott persona means to me.

I am eager to get back to feeling like myself. I want to catch up with blogs and FetLife posts. I want to snark and write pithy blogs again. And I need to get back on the job hunt.

Incidentally, just for the hell of it, I wrote to the company whose test I took, asking for an explanation of exactly how I failed their test. I didn't expect to hear back, but lo and behold, I did! A very nice, detailed message, in fact. In the transcription portion of the test (in which I had to listen to a tape of several people talking in thick UK accents and write down every word), they allowed five errors. I made seven. Not in spelling, but I misheard things. A few words here and there, I couldn't make out at all, no matter how many times I listened to them. They said that their work is UK-intensive and I need to be able to decipher that accent better. But that I did a good job overall and they had no doubt I could work with more American transcription.

What they didn't know was, I'd never done a transcription job in my life. I just jumped in and tried it. So, that considered, I guess I did pretty well. :-)

Life goes on. My computer is acting up and probably needs servicing. Always something, no? I'm going to head for the gym now. My mind may still be in a fog, but my body needs care and exercise, food and rest. Basics.

Thank you all, once again. I can't fully express how much all your communication has meant to me. ♥  You've kept me from withdrawing into myself.


  1. I'm glad you got the job feedback. I can't speak for you, but when I have to try to decode various difficult speech sounds from customer service reps that sets off my bitch switch! LOL!

    The gym becomes my salvation when too many other negative forces work to sap my good will and peace.

  2. Hi Erica -- You are VERY welcome i would do anything for you my dear friend :-)I think you did an AWESOME job on your test,thick British accent's are difficult to understand if you don't hear them everyday,The only way i think i could understand every word they say is if i was from the UK :-)I Love British and Scottish accent's.I am happy you got to visit your cousin :-)much Love and hug's from your naughty girl Jade xoxo

  3. You came awfully close with that test, when will they allow a second try? In any case this does open up other possibilities.

    Thank you, Erica, for sharing your life with us, your views, sorrows, and humor. The world is much richer place for you.

  4. Kelly -- I found it challenging and exciting in a way, but frustrating, too. I mean, those accents are thick, and they speak so quickly!

    Jade -- I agree, I love the accents. But the sound quality on this tape was awful, with music playing in the background. I know they did that on purpose as a challenge; just a bit too hard for me.

    Wolfie -- they did say I could try again, but I think I'd make the same mistakes. I really did struggle with the audio.

    Thank you, dear man. ♥

  5. Being able to reminisce on the good and funny times can usually lift the mood a little. Did your cousin say how she came across your blog?

  6. Lea -- she found me on Facebook; not sure how, as I use Erica Scott, not my real last name. She friended me there. I don't broadcast the spanko stuff on FB... but on my profile, I list my blog address. Still, as we've learned from experience, no one reads profiles!

  7. Glad you are beginning to heal and not be so discouraged by your first attempt at transcription. Hang in there girl. ~Juju~

  8. I'm better at emails than casseroles, and wonder how you'd do transcribing a twangy west TX accent, but holy crap- a cousin found you on Fetlife!!! talk about meeting the preacher in the liquor store and neither one of you being able to say anything about the other! Wow!

    glad you're doing better.

  9. Juju -- thank you, sweetie. :-)

    SS -- no, no, honey. Facebook, not FetLife. How timely, considering how you JUST posted about how Facebook and spanking don't mix! LOL

  10. I hope that your cousin is comfortable with who you are and your "secret life".

    As for your test, as a UK citizen, I have difficulty with some British Accents, particularly those from the north east and Midlands, so WELL DONE in only making 7 errors. As they were prepared to give feedback, they seem to be a fair and honest company...

  11. longbean -- right? That's what makes me want to work with them all the more! (sigh)

  12. It sounds like there's a good possibility of work with the company after all. You did wonderfully to have only seven errors. Sometimes we replay Coronation Street scenes ever several times in order to comprehend some of the dialogue. Even then we often give up and move along, and we're familiar with Northern accents and idioms after years of viewing.

    Now that one cousin knows, do you think that somehow the other one knows or will know too?


  13. Hermione -- no. I don't think she's ever met my other cousin. He is kind of on his own level in life, the level of celebrity. The only reason why I know him is because he had a special closeness with my mother, and because of his work with my dad. As for his finding out on his own, that is beyond remote.

  14. I find it hard to understand some of our friends from up North, Scotland and Newcastle especially so you did a wonderful job in only having 7 errors Erica.


  15. Ronnie -- thanks. I just wish I'd made two fewer errors, so I could keep my foot in this door. (sigh)