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Friday, June 15, 2012

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 6/15

(Yes, I know I've used Mr. Kitty's image before. But this week deserves an encore appearance.)

In the past couple of weeks, I've seen both polarities of the online spectrum. After my mother's passing, I saw just how lovely and supportive our online community can be. But this past week, I've witnessed the flip side, rearing its various ugly heads like a cyber-Medusa -- hence yesterday's mini-rant. So what better way to close out this week than with a CHoS?

Haven't seen one of these for a while -- the form letter. Mind you, I received this one not once, but three times. Don't these guys at least keep track of whom they've spammed?

hello my dear

i saw your profile and i love also the picture is wonderful. what i am looking for in my all-in-one-girl is a lover, best friend, my ..... you must be sexy, hot dressed in heels/boots, skirts, communicativ, tender,lovely, understanding, inteligent, faithful, ... and a sort of submissive and obdient. i am a good man/dom and it could be your and my dream to go forward and make fantasies come true..

i really will admire her for the devotion and will take good care, protect and support her. be sure, i don't care any distance, because when we got the connection, we will see where the way goes and leads us. i am single and i am open to relocate you or myself when it is necessary, when i have found the right sub. i am not a player or a time waster - i met to many on this site.

Don't go updating your passport just yet, dear. And what do you mean, you're not a time waster? You just wasted mine.

Oh, and lest you think that these form letters only occur on the kink sites, think again. I received this next gem on... wait for it... Facebook!

Good day and how are you doing? Am [deleted] from England, am a single, honest, kind, caring, loyal and God fearing.I came across your profile on facebook and am interested in getting acquainted with you deeply.It will be wonderful experience to have a personality like you.Am single and have been longing for a responsible woman to make my life more complete.

How i wish i live to appreciate you.hope to have an interesting moment to share with you.From the dept of my heart i say to are wonderful.kindly get back to me soon.

Hmmm. Isn't "getting acquainted deeply" an oxymoron? Nice to know his heart has its own department. Talk about compartmentalizing.

(sigh) I am not a Domme. I am not a Domme. I am not a Domme. Have I made that perfectly clear? Apparently not.

am ready to be all yours, your bitch boy, your sissy maid , your whore and more,

am ready to worship you at your feet, ask you for mercy while am licking your shoes, i`ll be your pet and i`ll live in a cage if u want me to

amd ready to be owned, humiliated, am ready to follow your commands and be punished dor not to,

please make me your loyal slave Mistress

You want commands? OK. Go away.

Instinctively i liked your profile. You seem like a soft and mature woman at it's most greedy for everything that is good and yummy.

1. I'm not an it, I am a she. 2. Who are you calling "soft," fool? 3. Yes, I'm greedy for yummy good writing. At the moment, I'm starving.

And finally, a first -- my first CHoS entry received via tweet!

I am taking my good stinging straps from my freezer and I wil meat u on my lap in 6.9 minites

I could post several pithy comments here. But honestly, my gut reaction to this was simply, "Ewwww."

And by the way, how the hell do you measure 6.9 minutes?? I suppose it could be done with a sophisticated chronometer, but I doubt this dumbass would know how to read one.

Can't do a CHoS without including a couple of those bizarro keyword search phrases people have used to find me, right?

gyno explained

Simple, really. A gyno is a doc who examines those lady parts that the government is trying to control.

contrition blow job

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Dream on, Skippy.

Have a great weekend, y'all. For my friends at TASSP, have fun. And to the fathers (or those of you who have them), happy Father's Day.


  1. My, my, my. Will the wonders of the interwebs ever cease to amaze me...

  2. Hi Erica -- I Love it when you use Mr.kitty he is so cute and funny LOL :-)Those bloody idiot's that write to you better learn how to spell i couldn't make head's or tail's what they were saying, HAHAHAHAHA LMAO.I like your come back's you come up with some really good one's LOL.Wishing you and John a nice relaxing and fun weekend :-)much Love and hug's to you from your naughty girl Jade

  3. "Yummy good writing" = LOL! Oh my gosh, I just snorted my mocha light.

    If a guy was smart enough to remember he'd contacted you before, he wouldn't be using a form letter. I love the notes I get from dudes on FL who talk about how much they like my profile when it clearly states that I don't friend people I don't know.

    Thanks for the laugh!

  4. Craig -- I'm thinking not! :-)

    Jade -- I don't think they'll ever learn. :-)

    Beth -- my pleasure. We could all use a good laugh, no?

  5. You know, I am starting to think maybe you should consider at least faking the Domme thing. Think of all the parties you could afford to attend with a bitch boy paying his Mistress' way just to please her?? >:)

  6. Sarah -- (heavy sigh) Oh, honey, if you only knew the number of times I've thought to myself, "I'm playing for the wrong team!" LOL Some of the gifts and tributes I've heard about over the years have made my head explode. I particularly love the one John told me about, with one gentleman who gave his Domme upwards of hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years, and she thanked him by ruining him sexually. (cringe)

  7. Erica, where do all these creeps come from who send you these form letters. You could write another book entiled "Beeps from Creeps", Or "No Thanks, to your Spanks". What Chutspa?. Do these so called guys have. XXX Luv ya.

  8. Six -- I have no idea where they come from. But they certainly are entertaining!

  9. I liked the frozen straps one. "Meat you"? That had to be intentional.
    Then again, maybe not.

    Congrats on being Chrossed!


  10. Hi, Erica - I don't often make any sort of comment on here but I understand, from Damien at 'A Voice ...' that you are receiving a lot of unwelcome attention from certain quarters at the moment. I would just like to say you have my full moral support for your amazing blog and that you don't deserve the hassle.

    You certainly seem to have given quite as good as you got in your rely to a certain party - you go, girl! - er - am I all right saying that ;) ?! I wouldn't want to feel the rough edge of your tongue ;( !

    You have great blog, are a great writer and a proud upholder of a long-standing tradition; long make it continue!


  11. Well Gawdsh Domme u2, Erica, for not wishing to swan dive across to the meating across this Single??? spanking stud's lap. :)

    No question you attract some top notch quality goofball slave wannabe's. LOL!

  12. Hahaha! I love your CHoS. It is your priceless comebacks that are so funny.

    Keep writing, Erica. I love it!

  13. Hermione -- if he can't spell "minutes," chances are he can't spell "meet" either. (insert eye roll here)

    HH -- some say the rough edge of a tongue feels good! ;-) But seriously -- thank you. It wasn't just me; several of my friends were the recipients of nastiness last year. There were clearly something in the cyber air.

    Kelly -- (snort) yes, I'm so particular, spurning such charmers! lol

    Bobbie Jo -- I'll keep writing as long as they keep supplying the material! :-)

  14. It's always funny when someone spells words like "intelligent" or "stupid" wrong. A friend on Facebook wrote that she had "phenomena." I assume she meant pneumonia but was tempted to write "Hey, wasn't John Travolta in that movie?" Lol. The guy with straps in his freezer, um, WTF?

  15. Now I'm thinking meat straps from the freezer?

    Hilarious. No other way to get past this stuff but laugh at it.

  16. Lea -- HA! How the hell does one confuse phenomena with pneumonia?? I would have been tempted too! I admit, I did give in to temptation when a friend on FetLife referred to "Marion Webster." (giggle)

    Emen -- I have no idea why he put straps in the freezer. To make them cold? To stiffen them? Ugh. What, a plain old room-temperature strap isn't bad enough?

  17. LOL! On point as always. Oh - Erica - somewhat 'on topic'. I gave in to the hype. My copy of Fifty Shades of Grey arrived at 3pm today. I'm so ashamed of myself - ripped through all 514 pages in 9 hours. I wrote what I thought of it over on my blog. *sigh* I'm weak - what can I say?

  18. Karyn -- oh, dear. Well, you and a bazillion other women, I guess! :-D E.L. James is not bothering to defend her sophomoric writing; she's too busy rolling in money. (sigh)

  19. Meat straps for the freezer?

    We're talking about a gold old-fashioned baconin' here!