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Friday, November 16, 2012

RANT: OK, I have @#$%ing had it

Look out, blogosphere. Erica is pissed off.

Earlier this week, Alex wrote a brilliant post about obnoxious comments (click to read). Yes, it's a topic that comes up again and again, but you know what? Sometimes, we get fed up. Sometimes, the cluelessness, cruelty and stupidity of random strangers gets to us. One of her commenters said that she needed to develop a thicker skin. That's not the issue. It's not about hurt feelings, although they certainly do get hurt. It's about anger. It's about utter bewilderment that people seem to think we need to hear/read this crap. That they don't stop to consider there's a real person, not a video character, reading these critiques and insults.

On FetLife, a young woman posted a photo from a spanking party, of herself and another woman kissing. It's a closeup of their faces, an exquisite and tasteful shot, with perfect lighting and angles. Hell, I'm not into F/F in any way, and even I thought it was stunning. It got a stream of compliments and loves. Then some asshat stepped in and said to the poster:

You could find/get a hotter girl. Just saying.

What. The. FUCK.

Of course, this elicited a string of angry rebuttals, including from yours truly. I looked at his profile and saw that he had a slew of cock shots. So I commented:

(looking at [his name's] dick pics) Yep, we could find/get a bigger guy.

Mean? Oh yeah, you bet. And I don't care. Random unkindness like this unleashes my inner bitch like nothing else.

Did he have any clue about how he just ruined a woman's day, peed on her ego? Or did he know, and simply not care?

Yeah, I know. I'm not going to change the world. Freedom of speech still exists in this country and people are going to say/write stupid crap, no matter how much I rant or anyone else rants. Most of the time, I can focus on the overwhelming majority of kind, complimentary and beautiful messages/comments I receive. But sometimes, I just have to get the anger off my chest.

And while I'm on a roll: You know what? It's my damn blog and my damn pictures, and my choice about with whom I play. I'm sick to death of unsolicited critiques from people who don't know me OR my tops. First I got noise about ST's caning techniques -- that the only reason he kept breaking them was because he was doing it wrong and he needed to practice more on pillows. Or that he shouldn't have filmed the punishment spanking he did last year, because that was too personal. Now I'm getting noise about Mr. D and how he's not measured/caring enough and how badly he's marking me. Or how he leaves my panties up instead of taking them down. Good Christ -- can anyone do anything right, with some of you? Are YOU playing regularly? Do YOU know how to use every implement with perfect aplomb? Do YOU leave your bottoms in absolute euphoria each time?

EDIT: Please note -- the above paragraph is not intended for any of my regular commenters. Don't want my friends reading this and thinking, "Is she talking about me?"

If I want your opinions and critiques, I will request them. If you don't like what you see, go look at something/someone else. God knows there's plenty of material out there for your viewing/wanking pleasure. Knock yourself out, and please, please, for me, for my fellow spankettes who post pictures, videos and blogs: Think twice before you hit Send. And if you're incapable of thinking, then just STFU.

(deep breath) OK. I feel better now. Sorry, guys. Happy Friday, happy Chross Day. Go be nice to each other. And have a great weekend, y'all.


  1. Yoni -- thank you, dear. Some won't, I'm sure. I'll learn to live with that.

  2. As our mothers told each of us... If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
    Or as our fathers said... Better to keep quiet and be thought the fool then to open our damn mouths and remove all doubt.

  3. Anonymous -- yup. Simple stuff. Too bad the simple minds can't grasp it.

  4. I totally agree with you. Lonely, unhappy and ignorant people can be cruel. When I read a mean comment on a blog, I am vey upset because they just insulted a friend.


  5. My dear, I have an admittedly VERY crude saying for when people feel compelled to make criticizing/offensive/unsolicited comments on Facebook, Fetlife, etc-as in DIRECTLY onto peoples' walls.

    I say, "DON'T shit in MY yard!" I don't do it to other people so if you, me or anyone else feels they're being attacked-then niceties are forgotten. At least where I'm concerned. I have ZERO restraint if I feel attacked so the other person better keep that in mind.

    I saw the photo you're referring to of the 2 women. And that guy is lucky he's not within reach of some of her friends there.

    Have a great weekend you fireball! :)

  6. Amazing.
    A comment that doesn't swoon, and you freak.
    A comment that is objective but doesn't kiss your ass, and you freak.

  7. This is one of the reasons I only show these types of pics to friends on Fet. There's a lot of folks over there who just think the people who post, be it pictures, stories, personal experiences or whatever, exist solely to entertain them. And then they piss and moan that they didn't get their money's worth from a free website.

    Many of them simply DON'T acknowledge there's a real person on the other end of that computer. Sadly, a lot of these fools think it all some Massive Multi-Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG) like Everquest or something similarly stupid, and they DON'T get it that these are our real lives and not some online fantasy role playing trip. Sadder still, we can see them for what they are, but they lack any inherent ability to see us for what we are.

    Sorry for being cranky about this. For what it's worth, it's not just the ladies who get this. This whole thing brought back bad memories of a chat room creeper I ran into on another site. He was hassling me to send him pictures of my deceased lover so he could wank to them and when I told him I found that to be "creepy" he went and got all aggressive. I mean after all, it's not like I'd have been showing pictures of a REAL woman that I REALLY cared about. It's just MMORPG, right? To him maybe.

  8. joey -- you're sweet.

    Kelly -- I know, right? I hope the insulted woman is feeling better, seeing everyone rally for her.

    Anonymous -- 1. Way to totally miss my point. Most of this blog was about an unkind comment to someone ELSE. It wasn't about people not kissing my ass, as you so delicately put it. 2. I may have my bitchy side, but at least I'm not a coward. :-)

    Chief -- please don't be sorry. How utterly sad and revolting that you would have gotten hassled that way. And thanks for restoring sanity to the comments. ♥

  9. P.S... the photo in question on FetLife has been taken down. How sad. It was so pretty.

  10. Maybe it's just me, and I could be wrong, but I really have a strong feeling, subjective though it may be... that you're over your lassitudinous episode. :).

    I appreciate your speaking up for your friend.

  11. Are you really Nancy Pelosi?

  12. Mick -- oh, you bet I am. :-) Don't screw with my friends. Mama Lioness will rip your heart out.

    Jack -- Nancy Pelosi is 72 years old. So, that would be a no.

  13. "Lassitudinous." I'm sure it's not a real word but I couldn't resist it.

  14. I hate, hate, HATE that. I just don't understand why people are assholes. People shouldn't HAVE to develop "thicker skin" or "toughen up.' People should just quit being douches.

  15. Hi Erica -- I agree with everything you wrote on here :-)VERY well said.I have had it with all the low life loser's myself they never have anything good to say about me or anyone else :-( My inner bitch come's out too when they FUCK with me or my friend's,They should STFU.Wishing you and John a GREAT weekend,I Love you my very dear friend,big hug's alway's from naughty girl Jade

  16. Mick -- perhaps "lassitude" should be redefined as a lass with attitude. :-D

    Kat -- yeah! Exactly.

    Jade -- love you too, sweetie.

  17. Hi Erica,

    As Alex observed, pretty much every woman on the internet is subjected to this kind of idiocy. As you said, I don't care what sort of bizarre creepiness these guys imagine within the cramped confines of their own pointed heads, but there's no cause to unload it on us. I don't want to see a photograph of anybody's schlong. Ever. That's about the time they write back and ask why I didn't accept their friend request. Yes, I completely understand.

    Perhaps we should organize an R.E.S.P.E.C.T. day where females choose to not post, tweet, or return messages. It probably wouldn't help convince these morons, but we would gain a little peace and quiet.


  18. Bonnie -- on the flip side of that: If a man posts a picture of his schlong, I don't go to the damn picture and comment: "I don't want to look at this." I just don't freaking look at it!

    You're so good at organizing special days -- there's a new one for you to work on! :-D

  19. Lovely rant, Erica! It made me feel better too. Just to realize that someone (you) won't sit back and take people's abuse and rudeness is awesome. I'm learning more and more that there are some people who just won't stop being thoughtless, heartless, mindless and ignorant of how anyone feels when they say or do what they do. I guess we ultimately have to ignore them or they will ruin our happiness, but it sure helps to realize that others, like the ones who stuck up for the people in the picture, care enough to say that it is wrong.

  20. Bonnie-jo -- thank you. I really do try to ignore most of it and pick my battles. But this really got to me today. And yes, it was gratifying to see all the comments of defense on that photo.

  21. How appalling. I do recall the photo and will go back and read the comments. But first up (a) it is not always about the superficial beauty; that kind of thinking is shallow. The setting, the mood all play a part in whether it is a good shot or not (b) they were both very attractive, anyway and (c) if you can't say something nice, say nothing.

    What a dick.

  22. Yes, appalling. And happy the release helped.
    Have lots of lassitude over the weekend.

  23. Dear Erica,
    I have to be the jerk but it is not instinctual. I have to think that primitive part of my brain has been re-programed to be human. I read a book about art criticism written by an intellect that believed everyone can do it. BUT he said there are set parameters to the process and the more knowledgeable you are about the piece the more intelligent comments you can make.

    One point he makes is to make first impressions comments to yourself but to hold back as you further investigate the art and your relationship with it.

    is the photo about four girls sanding against a wall with their panties down with red bottoms? is the purpose to compare asses for best one? is it to look for peeking pussy hair? compare height? hair color? or is the picture about deeper things?

    We as spankos have to accept the fact that there is a sexual arousal surrounding spanking and sort of a taboo 'exotic'theme to it. And this is people's first reaction and it tends to be more the male species whose first impression is sex a primitive instinct.

    does this explain these comments? or are there some that cant make the second stage of the process? why not take some classes and turn this into a master degree project. Reap from their weakness and glean their process and understand them.

    anyways Erica this my ramble

    anyone who wants to respond o my thoughts you can respond right to me

  24. I'd seen the photo and loved it. (It seems like it's still there, no? I don't see the comments anymore, though...)

    I think the best option might be for Fetlife to allow the user who posted the photo editorial control over the comments. I don't think they do that now, but it would be like the ability you have in your blog to approve what commenters submit. So, if you had stupid comments, like there were on the photo, they could be removed by the user.

    At the same time, my observation about Fetlife or any other online community is you'll *always* have those sorts of idiots doing that. So, I don't think you can let it ruin your day when it happens. But that's also why that editorial control would be a great thing.


  25. UB -- the photo is still there, but she took it down and then removed the negative comment plus all those that followed it. I can't blame her.

    MrJ -- it's raining and cloudy. I'm having a beautifully lassitudinous day. :-)

    Brent -- I don't think you're a jerk. Instincts are fine. Primitive responses are fine. But part of being a sentient human and functioning in a society is learning how to acknowledge those primitive reactions without voicing or typing them for others to hear/see. It's called having filters.

    Anthony -- you're right, the photo is back up, but the ugly comments are removed. And yes, the user can remove comments. In this case, I think, the user was offline, the nasty comment was made, and then the defenders jumped on it.

  26. Good for you, well said and trust me many of us feel this way, especially when we get commented on about our likes or dislikes, this blog is about you, not us, and we love you sharing with us!

    Well said and thanks

  27. Erica, I am with you on this. It's not a matter of just toughening up, or ignoring it. People can be downright mean at times. Im not sure why? I mean, I guess they just get off on hurting others. Im glad you spoke up though.

  28. I totally agree. I also saw that comment on Alex's post with the "if you put it out there then just deal with it" attitude. It isn't news that the anonymity of the internet can bring out the jerks. It's unfortunate but doesn't seem like it's going to change.

    I know people like you and Alex have a lot of friends in places like Fetlife so this may not help, but personally the few pics I have of my face are set to friends only. That way I don't get a comment from some stranger in Slovakia writing "I'd really like to cum on your face." I figure my friends wouldn't make such disrespectful comments.

    I see plenty of things online that I dislike. Guess what? I skip over them. I don't feel the need to comment "Eww! Why would you do this?" or "Was this consensual? It looks too severe!" or "My boyfriend's cock is bigger than yours." What's the point? If you don't like it people then move along. Plenty more to see.

  29. Ron -- I really don't mind opinions different from mine, even though it seems like I do. But unsolicited critiques get kind of old after a while, you know?

    Nikki -- mean people suck. Most of the time, I can ignore them. Then I reach my saturation point. Thanks for stopping by!

    Lea -- believe me, there's a whole lot of stuff I see on FetLife that I don't like. It comes across my feed all the time. I'm not about to click on each individual photo and give my negative opinion; it's not needed or wanted. So I move on and look at something else, like you said.

    Occasionally, if a friend is constantly commenting on gross pictures and making them appear on my feed, I'll temporarily "gag" them. Some people think it's fun to do that, to gross their friends out. I don't find it amusing.

  30. Erica, this reminds me, I have some thoughts about those throw pillows on your sofa... honestly, they could be hotter, just sayin'...

    Kidding! We all know they couldn't be any sexier... Love ya to bits,


  31. Danny -- (snort) You never complained about the pillows when you were sprawled all over 'em watching Dark Shadows with me. :-) ♥ you too!

  32. I totally get your frustration and it's not that I disagree with you...but I find that the people who most need to listen are the ones least likely to do so. But if a good vent gets it off your chest, then more power to you. :)

    I've heard/seen comments such as people saying F/F is disgusting/not their thing/etc. If it's not their thing, do they really need to go to an F/F place and say so?

  33. Ana -- oh, trust me, I have no delusions that I will change anyone. It just feels good to blow it off sometimes. Especially since so many people relate. :-)

  34. I find myself, not exactly disagreeing, but wondering why people get so worked up about disparaging remarks. The majority of comments are usually sympathetic to the poster or the subject. I really think that if that comment had appeared on my blog or concerning my picture I wouldn't have given it another thought - not worth the time and trouble. Comments I think about are those that give me something to think about.

    The comment that was the last straw for you, Erica, was just a thoughtless remark. I don't see it as random unkindness - at least, not deliberate unkindness. I make plenty thoughtless remarks myself. I admit that there are people whose personalities are such that they feel compelled to belittle anything that seems to have merit, and internet blogs give them the opportunities they want.

    There's some saying about being an empty boat, I can't remember the details but I know it's relevant here. Perhaps someone else can fill in the gap.

  35. Malcolm -- thoughtlessness is one thing. We all say things without thinking sometimes. But people read these remarks, and their feelings are hurt by them. Yeah, in a perfect world, we'd let all that negative nonsense roll off us and focus on the positive. But dammit... I don't like mean people. I'm snarky, I'm bitchy, but I've never deliberately insulted someone's picture. If I don't like it, I go to something else.

    The woman whose photo was insulted was hurt. This I know. But the rally of support she received helped. And you know, there was simply no reason for it to happen.