PLEASE NOTE: This blog contains adult subjects and content, and because of Google/Blogger's recent nonsense, I HAVE MOVED TO WORDPRESS. For my enlightened friends who wish to visit me in my new home, it's Please bookmark it!

The rest of you? Please take your judge-y selves somewhere more wholesome, like here:

Go on.... shoo!

Monday, July 23, 2012


Three weeks ago, when ST came over, he told me that he'd met someone. Not just any someone; a potential relationship someone. A lovely woman with whom he'd had a wonderful first date. Spanks and sparks flew.

As long as I've known ST (nearly two years now), I've known he wants a girlfriend. It's been a long time for him. And, while he loves what he has with me, I certainly can't blame him for wanting more. He deserves the whole package -- love, companionship, sex. I want all these good things and more for him.

She knows about me; he told her right away. She said she doesn't know how she feels about that (our arrangement). We had three weeks to think about it, because right after their date, she left the country for a family vacation.

This weekend, she will be back. Next Monday, he will be with her, as he should be. The following week, he will be out of the state, attending a family wedding. After that... we don't know.

I am not saying goodbye. But things are definitely changing. I think, even if she accepts me and my presence in ST's life, we can assume that the weekly sessions are over. Maybe they'll be once a month. Or maybe not at all, for a while. It's a new relationship, after all. That should be his full focus.

As he put it, as of tonight, we are on hold.

I was determined I wouldn't cry. I didn't want him to feel bad, nor did I want him to leave with his last sight of me being a stupid blubbering baby. Ah, but screw it. I cried anyway. At least I got it over with before we played. This was our last time together for a while, and I was going to make it as much fun as possible. He wished to do the same.

So. He said this was going to have to be one hell of a spanking, in every room of my apartment, with every toy the two of us had. I was leaning against him and yawned. "OK, guess you'd better get on with it."

"You need to get up, young lady." And, in my oh-so-mature way, I replied, "Fuck you. Make me."

Aaaaaaand we were off. First on the couch. Then over the recliner. And then we moved into the dining room. Each place we went, he chose a different implement.


Next, the kitchen. With me over the sink. I threw a handful of water at him over my shoulder. He didn't think that was amusing, even though I thought it was rather hilarious.

 I had to hold my skirt up so he could swat me all the way into the bathroom. Is nothing sacred? The bathroom, too?

 Uh huh. The bathroom, too.


Even in the shower, for God's sake...

Finally, we ended up in the bedroom, and he retrieved all my implements from the closet and the drawer. Then he got down to serious business.

A couple of implements were sacrificed:

This one used to be a loop:

For the final photo, ST piled ALL the implements -- his and mine -- on top of me. We called this the Implement Avalanche.

After that, we took a break for some lotion and some snuggling. But you know what? We were both insatiable tonight. In about a half-hour, we started all over again.

"Are you learning anything? Are you going to be a good girl for a while?" I grudgingly said I would, for a little while. Very little.

We laughed a lot. It was fun. Just as I wanted it to be.

Goddammit. I hate change. I fucking hate it. Have I mentioned that? But I know others welcome it. I've always been an oddball that way.

I love you, my friend. My door is always open to you, as is my heart. Until we play again, I wish you all the best with this new and wonderful change in your life.


  1. Gorgeously written.I wonted to cry with you.You are very generous woman. Best of luck in the future. Hope everything will work out for you:)

  2. I really hope the hiatus is short lived for you two.

    I'm glad you had a great time of tormenting him last night. :)

  3. Change is a necessity to foster progress, but it doesn't mean we have to like it.

    I hope ST is happy in his new relationship, and I hope you guys can still see each other clothed and unarmed :) Until then, if you're looking for a new play partner, may he show up sooner than later! I know that's much easier said than done...

    Much luck and well wishes to you both!


  4. I'm happy for ST, but sad for you. I hope that there will still be opportunities for the two of you to make beautiful music together.


  5. From the looks of things in that last photo, with all the spanking implements resting on your back There is 'One', missing. ST's 'loving' spanking hand. I am sure it was also used to 'caress' your ample naked derriere.

  6. It may seem a little off topic, but you have a lovely home, Erica. Thanks for the tour around your apartment.

  7. I'm so sorry, Erica. The biggest sorrows in life are the changes (which often mean loss) of close friendships and on-going relationships. Regardless of the reasons, that change leaves an empty spot in your heart. How could you not cry? I will be hoping that you will be able to soothe that place in your heart with the love of your old friends, that new friendships develop, and that ST does indeed remain in your life.


  8. Hi Erica -- I feel so sad after reading this :-( I know ST deserve's to be happy,but so do you.I hope he still remain's in your life,I HATE change myself :-( A person can only deal with so many losse's then enough is enough :-( I Love your pic's my fave pic is of you with all the impliment's on top of you :-)BEST wishe's to you and ST :-)I will miss reading about you both.I Love you my very dear friend,big hug's alway's from your naughty girl Jade xoxo

  9. Change is very, very hard.
    It is wonderful for ST. I can hear how happy you are for him and how he deserves happiness.
    But change is hard - even when we understand it and support it. So I am thinking of you and wishing you both all the best with this change.

  10. Funny to read this right after re-reading your stories about previous play partners (including video co-stars) in "Late Bloomer." There is a lot of intense bittersweet here; although the avalanche pic made me guffaw out loud. (GOL) ST is a caring man, a fine friend, and certainly everyone privileged to spend any sort of time with Erica is much richer, passing that along, too.

  11. P.S.

    All of these photos are remarkably appealing, but that one in the mirror might be my favorite. Your expression with just your eyes, the subtle sexiness, and the captivating effect from what we know is happening outside the frame are priceless. If you see something similar in some cartoon someday you'll know where I stole-- er. you'll know my inspiration. I'll credit ST.

  12. Margita -- thank you, dear. I hope so too.

    Kelly -- well, you know, I had to pull out all the stops, didn't I? There were several incidents of implement throwing, too.

    SC -- John thinks the four of us should have dinner sometime in the future, so she can see that I'm quite harmless. We'll see.

    Hermione -- I am hoping that too.

    Six -- not to worry, there was plenty of his hand.

    Anonymous -- (laughing) Thanks! It's just a little apartment with very old furniture, but it's mine and I love it.

    Pam -- thank you for those lovely and validating words. I do feel like there's going to be a hole in my life and my heart for a while.

    Jade -- yes, he deserves to be happy. He's a good man and I've been very, very lucky.

    Poppy -- some people seem to adapt to change better than others. I envy them. I kick, scream, cry and struggle, exhaust and sicken myself, and the damn changes happen anyway. You'd think I'd learn better coping mechanisms by this age, no?

    Wolfie -- ST is very dear. I told him last night that while he eventually may have a successor, he will never have a replacement, because he is irreplaceable.

    And you can steal, er, borrow anything you like. It's an honor. :-)

  13. I've been through something similiar recently so know the feeling all too well. I certainly couldn't have articulated it anywhere near as well as you have.

  14. Stephen -- I'm sorry, darlin'. Actually, I could have saved all that articulating. Two words would suffice: IT SUCKS.

  15. I have lost a cherished friendship recently, her new boyfriend resented her having a male friend. It's funny but you never really realize who much a person can mean to you until they are gone.
    I truly hope you can make and keep a connection with them both if they move into couplehood.
    I give ST credit, I would have fallen for you long ago... and probaly ruined the whole damn thing. But then I have tought for a long time you are a special Lady... and that ST was a lucky man to have a play partner like you, and to have you as a friend most of all.


  16. Poppa -- Ugh. I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't understand why people have to be so damned jealous and possessive. Don't they realize that there are all types and levels of love, and one doesn't take away from the others?

    Thank you for your sweet compliments. ♥

  17. I have always enjoyed visiting your blog on Tuesdays to read about your Monday night adventures. Your abilities and skills as a brat are second to none. You two were great to follow and thanks for sharing.

    But for me this blog has always been more than Monday night. You have always been able to bring up great topics for discussion that have taught me a great deal and CHOS always made me laugh with your witty comebacks.

    I may not always comment but I always read. Because it takes one incredibly sexy woman to make a bathroom look that good.


  18. Jon -- you made me laugh. Thank you. :-)

    Coming up with interesting and entertaining blogs may be a challenge for a while. But I'll try.

  19. Erica, I am with you changes like that really suck! No matter how hard you try the tears always come. But you (&ST) showed your true bravery and made it an extraordinary night! Knowing your knack for comebacks, I am sure the implements were not the only thing making noise in your apartment.

    Big Bear Hugs coming your way,

  20. Laughs are really what I'm all about. Happy to provide one for you.


  21. CJ -- thank you. Yeah, it really was a great evening. And yes, with all those implements, there was a whole lot of cussing.

  22. Change sucks at times and this change will hurt for a while. Your heart is invested in this even if you did not really understand how much. The burning in your heart will subside just like it does after a spanking. You feel it hard and hot and then when it is over the time allows it to fade a bit more each hour and day.

    I hope ST is happy and wish them both all the best. You will be fine. You will grieve a bit and then you will find another person to fill the hole. That guy will be a lucky man.


  23. J -- thank you for recognizing that my heart is invested. My trusted play partners are not just spanking machines. They are my friends and I love them.

    The only way out of pain is to move through it. This, I know.

    1. I think we all have felt that pain some time in our life. You are right about moving thru it and I do wish you all the best in that journey.

  24. I know you love change about as much as I do. :-/ That's great for ST that he has found someone. He sounds like a great guy and is deserving of a good relationship. But I hope you two still get to see each other. What will we all read about on Monday nights?? *sniffle*

  25. Lea -- I hope so too. We'll see how it goes. Meanwhile, I definitely will miss writing those Monday night blogs, squirming in my computer chair.

  26. I hate change, unless it is my own idea!

    I know it is pretty hard to cope with it right now and hopefully you will be able to see ST, if only occasionally. At least he isn't moving. I understand the difficulty with having to wait, as you know. Hang in there. Whoever you will find to play with in addition to ST will be lucky indeed.

  27. Bobbie Jo -- true, at least he's not moving away. Went through that with Danny; major suckage there.

  28. I don't like changes, they can be hard. It's sad Erica but wonderful for ST and from reading your post here I know you are very happy for him. I hope you both can meet up again.


  29. Yes, we call it change,and it is. But perhaps more to the point, it's loss and that's why it's so difficult.

    I like how you use humor to deal with this stuff. It's one of your strengths.

    I'm hoping that just as this transition makes way for something wonderful for ST, that it will open a door for something wonderful for you, too.


  30. Ronnie -- I really am. He's special and dear and I want him to be happy. I believe we will meet again, but it may not be for a while. Certainly not closing any doors.

  31. Mick -- true, a lot of change is loss. And honestly, if I didn't have my humor, I don't think I'd be here. It has saved me on many occasions.

  32. Changes we don't look forward to really bite. I hope ST's new girl will feel secure enough in their relationship to allow him to keep seeing you once or a couple times a month. Did he explain to her that you are in a long time relationship with John?

    I leave you with the words of Monty Python,
    "Always look on the bright side of life, *whistle*" :-)

  33. I'm sorry to hear about the changes, Erica, and I can understand your sadness, although I am of course happy to hear that ST has met a potential mate. I can understand that right now she doesn't know how to feel about the relationship the two of you have since their relationship is so new and she doesn't have the safety of knowing that she is the woman ST loves and has been loving for years. Maybe she will become more relaxed about ST playing with others over time. Maybe she won't if she is the type for rather exclusive relationships. No matter how things will turn out, I definitely cross my fingers that you and ST will remain close friends and that his girlfriend will become a new friend of yours as well. And I hope that you will find a way to still have regular play sessions, either with ST or with another trusted friend.

  34. Kaki -- she knows I have my own relationship. We'll see how things go. And thanks for the giggle -- I love that song.

    Kaelah -- thanks, dear. Yes, time will tell. John suggested that, somewhere along the line, the four of us should get together for dinner, so she can see how utterly harmless and non-threatening I am. For the time being, I will find a way to have play sessions again, because I need them, even though they will be new and different. There have been many losses in my life in the past year or so... perhaps I am now open to gain a new friend.

  35. I seldom run across semi-public individuals as fully human as you. So many people you do not know share your sorrow and pain. I hope it helps that I add my words to theirs.

  36. Anonymous -- that was a very lovely thing to say. Vulnerability has its drawbacks, but the pluses include hearing from people like you. Thank you.

    1. You are welcome. Many of us are too judgmental to see the soul of caring people who, like you, are in all honesty willing to share their most vulnerable moments. You have the courage to do so and the wisdom and discernment to speak to us (me, in this case) as though you knew us.

      Spanking is still on the periphery of what society deems respectable, but, unlike too many who post on spanking sites, you do not pander to its sordid side. You know that it can be healthy and you demand respect for who you are.

      More, however, you edify those who understand and appreciate you.

      Just be the person you are and help us learn from you.

  37. See what I get for being outta the loop with 'stuff' going on in my world? I'm way behind here (not good), and I missed all the happenings, and ((sighs)) those 'frikkin changes'. I HATE CHANGE TOO. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for ST - but I can understand how it would still suck for you (sighs). I'm set in my ways too, and at this stage of the game, I'm not changing how I feel about changes. Strong intelligent women realize one day a change is going to be inevitable with a play partner who would one day like more - we are smart enough to resign ourselves to that fact, but that doesn't make it suck any less when that day comes. It ain't easy to wake up one morning and realize something (or someone) that rocked ya to the core as a play partner, is now moving on because they found a partner that could become a true relationship partner.

    When someone as incredible as ST has been in your life.. you form that "Limerence" type of bond. All the same trust, respect, love and affection transpires between you like in a real love relationship .. the only difference is.. no sex. It's very hard when that partner finds that someone that can offer the whole package.. and you know he (or she -- so sorry Stephen) may not ever have the opportunity to play again with you. When that day comes for that permanent fixture that is your friend, your confidant, and trusted play partner to move on, even though we know this day would come, there's a tremendous feeling of loss.

    It's gonna be hard on ST as well. To have played with the kindest, sweetest, prettiest, sexiest, wittiest, hardest playing wise ass of them all -- and then take all those fond memories into a new beginning with someone else. That won't be easy. I wish him well, as we all know he deserves the best! (hope she can keep up with the legend that is you!) ((haha! that was snarky -- I know!))

    okay.. off to read what else has happened since my hiatus.. :-) .. here's hoping you find someone soon, to slip into that Monday night slot, to not replace ST .. nobody can do that(!) .. but I hope you find someone local with whom you can have a reciprocal pleasure partnership in "this thing that we do"! (smiles)

  38. Zelle -- you said it all. You know exactly how I feel. :-(

  39. And another thing.. I forgot to mention ..