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Sunday, July 29, 2012

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes, Part 2

Some of you (and I think maybe ST himself) may be wondering why I seem to have assumed that he and I won't be playing anymore, now that he's met someone. Granted, it may look like I'm being sort of black-and-white, one extreme or the other. And there could very well be an in-between, down the line. I'm simply operating from past experience.

I've lost several play partners in the past due to new relationships. A lot of girlfriends simply don't understand the dynamics of a spanking partnership, and I get that. Some are more open-minded and secure, certainly. Others, notsomuch. After having experienced an episode years ago where the (now former) girlfriend of a former play partner was jealous to the point of psychosis and made things so unpleasant for both of us that he dropped out of the scene and I damn near did too, I know just how bad it can get.

When I told John three weeks ago that ST had met someone, his reply was, "I'm sorry, sweetie... better start looking, now." He's been through it with me, so he knows. Although his viewpoint on this sort of situation is rather pragmatic. "What's the big deal?" he says. "Men should explain it this way: that it's like having a tennis partner. They get together with their tennis partner, play an intense game, and then part company. They don't go out on a date afterward and they don't go to bed together. It's a separate activity." OK, while I can see the logic of that, my beloved engineer boyfriend is not factoring in human emotions. It's not that simple, even though it should be. A spanking playmate is not a tennis partner. The latter keeps all her clothes on. There is no physical contact with the latter.

So. I wait. And because my nature is such, I expect the worst, but hope for the best. The best being, of course, that ST will be joyously happy with this new relationship, and still be able to come visit me now and then. But I know that for now, the weekly visits are a thing of the past.

I will miss those, certainly. It's the first time I've been able to see a playpal/friend with such regularity. When Craig and I were playing, it was periodic. And even when Danny and I were playing regularly, it was more like every other week -- and toward the end in the months before he moved away, the times got fewer and farther in between. But ST has been as dependable as the sunrise. He was a solid presence, unflappable, even though my moods ran the gamut from week to week.

They say when a door closes, a window opens. But what happens when the door is still ajar, and you don't know if it's going to close, or open back up? What if someone opens the window while you're looking at the door?

I met a man last week. Someone who knows all about John and ST. He is local with a fairly flexible schedule, and his polite intro email to me did everything right. What do you know -- two face shots and no dick pics! Hallelujah! He doesn't want to replace anyone or push his way into anything. Just wants to help me deal with what's going on, and play when I'm ready. Seems like a very nice guy. Cute, too. :-)

I did all the proper things, folks -- believe me, I learned my lesson about that last year! (wincing) I met him publicly, we talked a long time, I got all the pertinent information. He offered to come over tomorrow afternoon, knowing it will be my first ST-less Monday in a long time, and I will be feeling an emptiness. He does not expect us to play; he just wants to talk some more, maybe watch some of my videos.

I'm not ready to play with someone else, not just yet. I'm in a weird transition mode, not knowing which way things will go, and he knows it. And yet, he still wants to see me. The idea of friendly company tomorrow sounds wonderful. But I just can't play yet. I'd feel like I was hurriedly replacing ST, which I most certainly am not doing, because he's irreplaceable. If/when I play with someone new, it must be because I want to play with HIM, not because I just need to grab onto whoever's available. That wouldn't be fair to either of us.

I need more friends, y'all. A lot of people have exited my life in the past year or so, for various reasons, and my world has narrowed. I have so many wonderful friends online; I love my readers, love my email mates. But it had gotten to the point where my only real-time contact with others (besides the gym and other day-to-day stuff) was with John on weekends, ST on Mondays. Maybe it's time for me to be more open to new possibilities. Open those windows. And leave the door open as well.

So tomorrow, I will have company, a new friend. It will be fun. And I will think of my dear old friend and smile, because I know he'll be having a fabulous time.

16 comments:

  1. It sounds like you need to start a Spanking Salon... forget Paris!

    I feel for you... though losing a great tennis partner can be devastating and difficult to replace, they don't have a piece of your heart.

    xo,
    SC

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  2. I agree with John about the relation to a tennis partner. That's how I feel about preferring other females to top me. But I also need that emotional connection with them, too. Otherwise I can do without getting spanked.

    As for the new potential partner, I think this is great to start as pre spanking friends, first. You can get to know each others' personalities first, then decide when the time is right to progress.

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  3. I'll be thinking of you and Mr. Possible today. It's nice that he wants to spend vanilla time with your first. I hope it goes well.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

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  4. Hope you have a good time today! And even if he isn't an instant play partner, he might be one of those real-life friends you need. You know there are a lot of us out here who would gladly fill that position for you if it weren't for the distance between us. Let us know how it goes!

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  5. Sounds like a great start Erica so just enjoy the evening.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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  6. This post resonates with me in a way that I am unwilling to share at the moment. It is difficult to be public about such sadness, and I respect you for that.

    Not knowing what will happen is difficult, but to know with certainty that it is over is not always much easier. I hope that your guarded optimism will be well rewarded.

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  7. SC -- they most certainly don't. Especially not mine, as I've never played tennis and I probably never will. ;-)

    Kelly -- John is an engineer. Linear, logical thinking. He forgets about the emotional part. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I have enough emotions for the two of us!

    Hermione -- well, probably not too vanilla, as he wants to see some of my work. ;-) I'll have to think about what's best to show him.

    Karyn -- that's lovely to hear, thank you. Many have been the times that I wished I could simply fold the planet into accordion pleats and have all my friends nearby.

    Ronnie -- will do!

    Ana -- I'm sorry. And yes, that certainty is painful. You know you will heal and move on, but dammit, it hurts so much before that.

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  8. Hi Erica -- I hate change's and i agree it hurt's so damn much,but i am happy you have a new friend to get to know :-)good luck tonight i hope it all goe's well.The guy that dropped out of the scene,was it Steve Fuller? I am just curious.Much love and hug's from your naughty girl Jade

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  9. Jade -- no, no, it wasn't Steve Fuller. Steve is happily married and he retired from the scene. The man who dropped out was not in videos.

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  10. I hope your visit is either going smoothly right now or will be going smoothly. The guy is a gentleman and I am glad for I am one too and it seems sometimes that we get overlooked for the loud brash ones. You know the ones who turn your head then leave the next morning and never call. I see the internet littered with women who have experience that. I think though as people realize that the good guy wins out in the end. You just have to be ready to see that and it looks like you are. Wish you luck

    J

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  11. J -- nahhhh... I like the soft-spoken types. No raised voices. They can be bad boys, but they also need to be good men. I do know the difference. :-)

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  12. I hope things go well with the new friend and that things with ST get a bit more settled so you don't have the uncertainty. Not knowing can be very frustrating. I don't mean to make you feel worse, but while reading this I remembered the idiot from Alt who seemed nice at first and then sent you the dick pic. I wonder if he secretly stalks your blog and now hearing you're open to new options, will rear his ugly penis again. Ahem, let's hope I'm wrong.

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  13. Lea -- oh yes, I remember him well! He still checks out my profile periodically. But he hasn't written to me in months. I think he finally got the message when I didn't reply to his last two messages. :-)

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  14. I've told you before, Erica, if your Mondays become available I'm around...

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  15. Craig -- thank you, dear. I remember and I appreciate it, a lot.

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  16. Here's to hoping Mr. Possible.. turns into Mr. Probable. :-)

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