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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

What do you guys make of this?

A couple of months ago in a CHoS, I included a rather disconcerting correspondence I had with a guy from You may recall -- nice at first, talked with him, then he morphed into a dick (literally). Rather than link to that entire post, I'm pasting the pertinent section below for a refresher:

Last week, I got a reply on my profile from a man who lives four miles from me. His note was brief, but respectful, and he attached a photo, a face shot, just as I requested in my profile. Nice. He also included his phone number and said "let's talk."

We had a nice conversation. He asked me a lot of questions, wanted to know about limits and tolerance, preferences, etc. Among other things, I told him that I love scolding, but I do not like verbal degradation and rough talk. "I totally get it," he said. Then he said that because he wasn't a top tier member on Alt, he couldn't see my pictures, only a thumbnail of the profile shot. Could I send him a few photos? Sure, I said, and he gave me his email.

I selected a couple of shots and sent them to him. And then I got this in return:

Very nice. I'll enjoy brutalizing your ass.

I felt like I'd been socked in the gut. Did he not hear a word I'd said? Brutalize? I don't want to be freaking brutalized.

I didn't reply. Then, last Monday, I got another email from him. This time, a close-up shot of his hand clutching his erect member. This is what's in my pants. Call me.

My Alt profile clearly states, in bold: "I want to see your face, not your dick. Please don't send me X-rated pictures."

I felt violated, like I'd experienced some sort of bait-and-switch. He was a gentleman at first, then as soon as he got me to nibble the bait, he became someone else. I thought I had better instincts than this; why was I so fooled? Was it because he was good looking? Am I that shallow? (yeah, I am, somewhat. Who am I kidding?)

I wrote back: "(sigh) If I wanted to see that, I would have stayed at my boyfriend's house." He wrote back: "I am not your boyfriend." Well, duh.

The next day, he wrote once more, asking if I was ready to come over for a spanking. I didn't reply. I was done. When he didn't hear from me, he sent me this: Clearly u r not ready to be spanked by a man like me. I thought we had a very clear and connected chat.

I didn't reply to that either, and figured that was the end of it. Here's the weird part: Ever since then, whenever I check my "Who's Viewed Me" page on Alt, his face pops up. He has looked at my profile nearly every day for two months. Why is he still looking at me? I've updated the verbiage a little bit, but nothing major is new. No new pictures. Certainly no reason for him to keep viewing.

Then a couple of days ago, lo and behold, I get a message from him:

well... r u finally ready for an intense spanking session. You know you want it. (his name and phone number)

No, honey. Clearly, you want it. I already have it, every Monday.

I didn't answer that and I don't intend to. But it baffles and amuses me. I wonder many things. First, this may sound like I'm putting myself down, but it's just reality -- he's a very handsome and fit man, and he's 15 years my junior. He could have his pick of the cute young things who don't necessarily care that he's an a$$hole. Why is he persisting with me?

Is it because he's not used to women turning him down, and that sticks in his craw? Or is it because he's not doing as well on Alt as he thought he would, so he came back to someone he managed to semi-fool once, in hopes that he could pique her curiosity? I just love how he puts it off onto me -- am I ready for him? Like he's the Holy Grail of tops and I should be honored that he's giving me another chance?

Same kind of deal -- it's tempting to write back and tell him what I think of him. But I think it will be more frustrating, ultimately, for him if I say nothing at all.

Takes all kinds, y'all. Once again, a million kudos to the Good Guys out there. :-)


  1. ( Alan ) He is a waste of time , guys like him are usally a legend in their own minds .

    LOLOL my word to post this was "Docch" I would say rather appropriate to describe him !

  2. What incredible arrogance he has Erica. Too bad he wasted all your time.

  3. Alan -- close enough!

    joey -- well, you know, I think he actually wasted a lot more of HIS time than mine. ;-)

  4. Erica, I am sorry to hear that you have to deal with stuff like that. I mean, I am a guy but I couldn't imagine to talk like that to a lady. To all the men out there: Please show some chivalry and politeness. Talking rudely to a lady is not manly.

    1. Some men have no idea how to speak to women and regard them all as sluts. This idiot reads as if he is best ignored.


  5. Fenris -- it's OK; it comes with the territory. Fortunately, more men see it your way than his. :-)

  6. John -- not that there's anything wrong with sluts, you understand. ;-)

  7. Given his sensitivity to your requests, I assume he has struck out everywhere, and just keeps coming back to try again. I suspect you are not the only one feeling this way about him.

    Suppose he will ever figure it out? Doubtful.

  8. This guy has probably managed to either fool women before or wear them down until they finally give in to his pestering. If he's checking your profile every day he is probably waiting for a change, some sign you're going to give in or send him more pictures. Ignoring him is probably the best idea.

  9. You are a bigger person than I. Of course, it would be my intention to just ignore him, but then (about 15 minutes later), I would let loose. I think you're wise for not responding to that visual rapist. Seriously, who sends an unasked-for cock shot? And brutalized? When is that ever a good word -- even in the context of hardcore BDSM?

  10. I personally think its probably 40% ego 50% ignorance. Plus he's most likely heard tell of the bionic butt. LOL. I most likely would have sent him a email laying it out step by step for him. Makes me sad for the women that do fall into his flytrap.

    I am rethinking putting "real" negativity out into the Universe anymore, LOL. I say this with pain pills on board,as after I had my snit fit on Twitter (Am so sorry Erica, I took it out on ur comment)about the lack of brain function in people demanding refund for "The Artist", I left my abode for lunch with friends 3 blocks down. With my wine waiting just feet away... I, mulling over the state of the artistic conscious of Americans, slipped on a icy patch, tumbled down a curb and into a drive. Thereby breaking my ankle and my ego.
    I sit here, just home-in a cast, unable to be active for the next 6 weeks and thinking.... Catch-back is a M.F.

    So I would wish a house land on your creep, but....

  11. Redtail -- yeah, I'm thinking not. It's always going to be the woman's problem, not his.

    Anonymous -- we are in agreement. I don't think this is a good person with whom to engage.

    Pink -- LOL, oh no, I'm not. Believe me, it's tempting. Who knows, nothing surprises me anymore; maybe there are those who find the word brutalize to be hot. I don't happen to be one of them.

    Newt -- oh, crap. I am so sorry about your ankle. Honey, in icy weather, that can happen to anyone; I doubt it was your snarking on Twitter that sent you such a harsh payback. If I broke a bone for every snit I had, I'd be in a full body cast. :-)

  12. The best way to deal with a creep like this is to ignore him. Another thing that raises a red flag with me is that fact that he has been checking your profile on a daily basis. That smacks a bit of stalking to me. Stalking of the internet variety. If he is only four miles from you, just be careful of running into him some day. That may not be a good thing. I don't want to scare you, but if I got something like that, I would be nervous. At least for a while. Then I would probably get angry, bluster around for a few days and then maybe let it pass. I would not contact him.

  13. Bobbie Jo -- not to worry; I am not going to contact him. And while he gave me his phone number, he does not have mine, thank goodness.

  14. I'm sorry you have had to deal with somebody like that and his emails. Just be sure to watch out for yourself when dealing with this person. Thank fully is not the norm in the spanko world. Some of the most genuine and trustworthy people I know are friends I have meet in the kink world. A fact which I'm sure would shock vannila people even more that the seemingly horrible things we do with each other

  15. I think it'd be best to keep ignoring him, like you have been. Is it a known fact on that website that everyone can see who looks at one's profile? You think he wouldn't keep coming back every day knowing you can see that. Creepy.

  16. **"Is it because he's not used to women turning him down, and that sticks in his craw?"

    Bingo. He can't stand that someone "of his caliber" was turned down (gods gift to women in his mind - well - "He may have body By Nautilus.. but he's damn sure got brain By Mattel").

    He's just stupid enough to NOT take a hint.. therefore, he'll be relentless in his stalking you (daily profile perusal). I know you'll have the fortitude to not respond to the guy, as much as you could tear him a new a-hole.

    Remind me again just "WHY" you are on that meat market site?? God I hate that place. Just opening up the site when I had a profile there for all of a couple months long ago gave me the creeps.

  17. Glen -- I agree; he's the exception, rather than the rule.

    Lea -- yes, I think everyone knows about that feature. Maybe he's doing it on purpose to unnerve me? Who the heck knows with someone like that.

    Zelle -- LOL! I'll have to remember that one! (re. body/brain)

    As for, I agree, it can be quite the cesspool. But I just have two words for you: Spanko Tango. Yup, I met ST on Sooooo... even in a slimy slagheap, one can come up with a shiny diamond. :-)

  18. ST was on!!! aaaccckkk!!! ((::faints::)) - He MUST HAVE been listening to Pink Floyd when he signed up on ALT!! Cause he sure had a "Momentary lapse of Reason"... LMAO!!!

  19. Heehee -- I knew that would shock ya! Yeah, can you believe it? And even more uncanny, he's the SECOND great top I've met off there. The last one was several years ago. So there IS hope on Alt. I don't pay for a membership, I just leave my profile there and see what it attracts (usually CHoS material).

  20. That dear sweet, awesome-sauce Top "ST"-was on ALT??? .. I'm still in a state of disbelief! OK! So now, inquiring minds gotta know HOW he approached you.. and or how long it took you to know he was legit, and then suggest you two do the meet 'n greet for coffee!

  21. Men are goal oriented? It's like you said, perhaps he simply isn't used to rejection and this is now his next conquest: you! Who knows? I've stopped trying to figure out the oddity of what guys are willing to say/do online to get a conversation going with a woman. Further, it's astonishing to me the utter lack of self awareness most of these men have.

  22. Zelle -- he wrote a very straightforward message with a nice intro and a proper picture, and my gut instinct kicked in with "green light"! I don't remember how long it was before the coffee date -- not long. I do remember we sat and talked ror two hours during that Starbucks visit. :-)

    Craig -- he may finally be getting the hint. He didn't look at my profile yesterday. :-)

    Margie -- of course I am. And I'm a prude, too. Thank you for reminding me, my biggest fan. :-)

  23. This is the single most reason I teeter between wanting to stay below the radar and having my work seen by many spanking enthusiasts.

    You have great sense and the less you respond, the better for you. Like others I'd prefer to go off on this prick, but given the geographical closeness, ignoring is better for you, I feel.

  24. Kelly -- but staying below the radar gets us no attention! :-)

  25. Hi Erica,
    It's been a long time since I've been able to comment (I think my Blogger account is now fixed). Anyway, this sounds a little like the Nightline News article about the cyber-stalked college student. The story ran tonight (01-23-12)by Cynthia McFadden.

  26. Milt -- nice to see you! Not to worry. I think he's given up; after I didn't reply to his latest, he stopped looking at my profile.