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Sunday, January 29, 2012

"Oh, put a sock in it"

It's been a strange, unsettling and combative week on FetLife. Granted, there are tons of members and a constant swirl of activity, and some things are bound to touch a nerve now and then. But this week really got under my skin. I allowed things to get to me more than they should, and I'm not thrilled with myself over it. And at the same time, I got sort of a heady thrill getting up in certain people's faces. I don't know what that's about, really. I don't like it, but sometimes, I can't seem to help myself.

It started earlier this week, with a man who posted a piece of writing about "what to do with your sub when she gets too full of herself." He then went on to describe in excruciating detail how you first put her in a hot bath, then tie her down naked to a bench, strap her with all your might for 15 minutes straight (not just on the bottom, but on her back and all the way down to the backs of her knees) until she's covered with welts, then give her an enema with hot soapy water. Guaranteed to change her attitude.

I wrote that yes, people tend to have a different attitude when they're in the hospital. Others chimed in, saying that punishment sounded excessive and irresponsible. He then wrote to me, "Erica, save the drama for your books" and went on to say that my books are lame. He also put down the others who agreed that what he'd described could seriously injure someone. Well, it turned into a free-for-all, and the moderator closed the thread. Should have ended there, but then this idiot, assuming three different sock-puppet names, went around to the profiles of everyone who challenged him, myself included, and posted insults to their pictures. One woman was fat, another one was ugly, etc. Me? He said I have yellow teeth.

I could have ignored it. But instead, I posted to all my friends that I'd discovered his sock-puppets, and I made fun of him along with several others. He started it!

Later, a particular political group posted something so offensive, a couple of my friends with opposing views joined the group to say what they thought. They were non-combative, not at all disrespectful. I did not join in -- I don't join political groups. Period. But I watched what was going on; watched as my friends were censored and banned for disagreeing. One of my friends wrote to the moderator, respectfully and politely, trying to get him to change his mind and allow a healthy debate. The moderator wrote back all sorts of rude, condescending crap, like "Give it up, boy." Boy?? Good Christ, I thought. People like this are voting in the next election. I'm scared.

Finally, another friend posted an announcement that she would be traveling soon and she was booking spanking sessions. She posted it in a spanking group and she got permission from the moderator to do so. But then it rolled downhill into one of those "spanking models are akin to prostitutes" flame wars.

And several pages into it, one of my favorite people (not) had to chime in, as always. A bitter, unpleasant, condescending woman who manages to start or exacerbate flame wars nearly every time she posts. She's been doing so for years, starting on the old Shadow Lane message board, and she continues to do so on FetLife. I have met her in person and I've gotten into it with her a few times online. She has a passive-aggressive, snarky, bitchy way of posting, with thinly veiled contempt for anyone in the pro spanking industry (she writes of "models" and their "work" using quotes). Even her punctuation is annoying. She never uses a period, a comma or a semi-colon; no, she ends every sentence (and mid-sentence) with ellipses. So her posts go on and on and on, several paragraphs, filled with "... ... ... ... ... " And it's never one question mark; it's always three. (???) She has these crappy little parties in her home, and she's always talking about MY parties, MY rules, MY way of doing things, as if hers is the benchmark to follow. (I heard from someone who went to one of her parties; she said it sucked.)

Last year, when there was a nasty thread going on about spanking models doing pay sessions at parties, she was so offensive that I blew up and told her publicly to put a sock in it, and that she didn't need to keep going on about HER parties, because we heard her the first 100 times. Several people messaged me and thanked me.

So this time, when she started up again (ending her rambling tome with her usual "Just my two cents"), I commented how it was amazing how her two cents cost us so much of our precious time. Then I posted "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ad nauseam. Yawwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn."

Again, people wrote to me and cheered. How sad that she's so universally disliked. I could almost feel sorry for her, if I didn't find her so personally objectionable.

The thing is, I'm not usually into engaging like this. Truly, I'm not. I hate fighting, and I don't get off on being mean to people. But if certain people provoke me first, I take an almost perverse delight in poking them back. And I know I shouldn't, but dammit, sometimes... it's irresistible.

Maybe it's a holdover from my childhood, when I was bullied. Perhaps it's my righteous anger side, roaring to the forefront: "If you fuck with me, or my friends, I'm NOT gonna be quiet about it anymore!"

Or maybe it's simply that I have very little patience and people across the board annoy me. (sigh)

Regardless, I'm sure ST will take me to task for this bitchiness tomorrow. I welcome it. But damned if I'm going to take back anything I said. :-Þ


  1. I know I am an awful person for saying this, but I was rather amused by those threads. It helped my couch-bound cabin fever. ;). However, snarkery aside, these are my onset actions:

    The sock puppet guy is clearly a wanker. Stupid posts like his are the closest he will get to real play.

    The conservative republican guy didnt surprise me, but I also refuse to get in a pissing match with an idiot over politics.

    For the modeling one, there is a reason why I only came on making snarky comments or jokes. I found the whole thing ridiculous that refused to acknowledge the flame war. Let people do what they fucking want. They aren't hurting anyone, no one is being forced to do anything, and it is 2 grown adults. The one good thing is that threads like those allows people to get a glimps of how people truly are. When it gets down to insults and swears (from any side), I quit taking anything seriously.

    Like the great Sheldon says: I cry because others are stupid and that makes me sad. ;)

  2. Damn phone auto-correct. Instead of onset it should say honest reactions. Any other auto correct mistakes shall be blamed on the phone, pain killers, and insomnia.

    Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur...

  3. Hahaha... The last captcha made me spell out "woody". I just had to share that gem with you.

  4. Kat -- LOL! I was wondering what you meant by "onset actions."

    You know, the modeling flame wars ARE ridiculous. But they piss me off, because they hurt my friends. I get tired of malcontents choking on their sour grapes, and thinking it's OK to insult the pros and liken them to whores. It's none of their fucking business, bottom line, and what the models choose to do takes nothing away from them.

    But you're right -- you do get to see what some folks are really like, from their posts on these things. I just hope people don't think I'M an adversarial beeyotch. It's not my intention.

    Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purrrrrr...

  5. If I hear the words "rhythmic spanking" one more time my head may explode!

  6. You tell it like it is (was) woman! Give em' hell!

    If I hear about that wench and her "holistic/wellness/therapy" sessions one more time,......<--haha--on top of "rhythmic spanking".....<--haha!--I'm gonna scream!

    Damn! I missed a good politico discussion? Shoot! Just when I was ready to get into it with anyone I see agreeing with that nut job Sarah Palin who's so hurt that people are bashing her Newt. (that's the fugly-fired-in-disgrace-plus-divorce-a-wife-and-marry-the-play-toy-secretary-WHEN YOUR WIFE HAS CANCER-NEWT")... not our lovely, charming, and hysterically funny Newt of the female persuasion! (muah(!!) to her!)

    And Mr. Sockpuppet-Dangle-Dom.. oy vey! Everytime I saw his profile pic.. all I thought of was ELMER FUDD!

    Good luck tomorrow! I have a sneaky suspicion.. you're gonna get it but good! You've got a whole lot of pent up agression to work through.. and "ST" is "JUST" the Top to do it! hide the canes!

    1. OMFG! my little word verification was...

      afani -- hahaha! How funny is that? ROFLMAO!

  7. I wanted to pound that dickhead into the ground when I read the words,SLAP! HOWL! over and over. Just eying that idiotic expression on the pic he/it posted agitated me. LOL!

    I skipped the political blog altogether.

    The hostility in the model for hire post shocked me. It SHOULD have been a cut and dry reason for posting, yet people got bent out of shape at the "audacity" for her to dare post such a topic. I've seen ads for numerous other pro's there without anyone attacking them like that.

    SURELY you'll be the perfect lady tonight with ST. :)

  8. Overuse of ellipses is my own pet peeves. Why do people think that if one . is good, then three must be better? What's wrong with a good ole space between words?


  9. You tell it like it is, Erica! I agree that dopey looking idiot went too far with his description of how to change a subs behaviour. Someone ought to do it to him. As far as political forums go, two things I never get into: religion and politics!

  10. I was quite surprised at the pro spankee/modelling thread. The UK scene is *full* of women (and some men) doing paid sessions and commercial parties; it's just part of the scene landscape. Nobody bats an eyelid. I'd assumed it was the same in the US.

  11. You know, I was like that this week, too!

    It started at a committee meeting for the bead society I belong to. This one woman is prone to rambling, and when I tried to signal to the committee chair that she should move things along and nothing happened for a few more minutes, I spoke up. I nicely asked if we could get back on topic because we had a number of things to cover, and she got defensive with me. I don't remember half of what either of us said, I was so mad. She then started saying, "B.S. B.S." to everything I said then said that I "had it coming". I finished it with, "And so did you." ARGH! I'm still pissed about it.

    Then yesterday my husband and I were starting to pull into a parking space, and someone in a big van pulled through from the other side. Irritating in general, but these were DIAGONAL spaces, meaning that she's facing the wrong way. I wasn't driving, but I gestured she should back up, which (of course) she didn't. I wanted to stay in the car while she and her family left, but my husband said not to say anything, and we got out. The woman said something like, "She's directing traffic from the passenger seat - she's not even driving!" Which (of course) pissed me off, and I started saying stuff about the diagonal spaces meant that she should have stayed in the space over there. I eventually shut up, but she kept saying things that I didn't hear because they were going the other way. My husband said, "I told you not to say anything." I thought I'd get spanked for that one, but I didn't. He said later, "She could have attacked you. Let this be a lesson." I still think I'd have gotten a few good hits in.

    Sorry to be so long about this, but I completely understand how you're feeling! And now I'm going to find Fetlife. :)

  12. You know, it is sad there are people who have to have an iron in the fire all the time. I think sometimes the best way to deal with the ones that just are there to rant is ignore them and I know that is so hard to do sometimes. Sometimes a well said snark, though, is just the thing that is needed. If for no other reason, than to give some comic relief.

    I am very glad I wasn't there. :-)

  13. Or, maybe you Nd the rest of people who involve themselves in petty cyber wars should get out more. A life spent on the Internet is rather wasted and the moment you join in then you are just as sad

    You probably know this deep down as do all your friends which is why you have tried to justify it in this blog post.

    At your age you really should know better. It's pathetic

    1. Off the internet huh?
      Say, lets take it outside then.
      I'll do U a solid and beat you over
      the head with my self righteousness.
      Bet "yours" will turn out to be bigger
      then mine after all.

      Signed Gangsta Newt

  14. I hate confrontations and try not to do it myself, but sometimes you just lose it. I felt this way too this past couple of weeks. See, this is why I do not go to Fetlife anymore. It gives me a headache and I always get in trouble there...(Sorry Hermione. I like them);)...I am really a wimp anyway, :p

    I think everyone needs some hugs or, in my case, just a good hard bare bottom spanking. I took out a lot of those ellipses from this post. I never knew that was what you called them. I like it here better, people are nicer. :)

  15. WOW Erica,that man is an animal wanting to tie someone up and strap them all over then give the person an enema,that is Too HARSH and CRUEL :-( You have every reason to get angry with him and that lady that won't shut up,I agree that she should put a sock in it hehehe LOL.I also agree with you about not taking anything you said back, cause i wouldn't either :-) YOU GO GIRL TELL THOSE IDIOT'S HOW IT REALLY IS AND SHOULD BE.Have fun with ST tonight i can't wait to read about it :-) Much love and hug's to you from your naughty girl Jade xoxo

  16. Iggy -- I know, right?

    Zelle -- she always manages to throw her "special technique" into every discussion, like she patented it or something. Personally, it sounds like massage to me.

    The politico discussion was scary and disheartening, honestly.

    Kelly -- there was no reason for the model thread to go where it did. At least my friend got to see how many people love her, by all the heated defenses posted.

    Hermione -- to be honest, I don't have a problem with ellipses for style. I use them myself. But... to use them like this... at the end of every sentence... and thought... is obnoxious!

    Anonymous -- you are wise. Hard to avoid those topics, though, and this being an election year -- oy!

    Adele -- hi sweetie! (waving) I don't understand the hostility either. Some say they think it's unreasonable for people to pay for a party and then be expected to pay for a pro session on top of that -- but what business is it of theirs, really? The models wouldn't bother offering the sessions if there weren't guests who wished to have them.

    Anonymous -- hate to say it, but hubby was right on that one score. Engaging with nutcases in a parking lot could get you shot. However, the bead lady sounds like a grand pain! :-)

    Bobbie Jo -- I majored in well-said snark in college. ;-)

    Anonymous -- hmmm. Perhaps engaging with idiots online IS a waste of time, but I'd say "pathetic" is a bit harsh. I daresay it's not harsh, however, to say that using one's anonymity to hide behind while taking potshots at a blogger is cowardly. :-)

    Bree -- it's OK, you can use ellipses (or leader dots, they're also called). Just not in place of ALL punctuation! :-)

  17. Jade -- whoops, you posted while I was posting. Hope you're feeling better today and I'll talk to you tonight. :-)

  18. There are many kinds of submission and play. All sorts of flavors and sprinkles. I try to withhold my judgement from what people do with their bodies.
    However what you wrote goes right to the heart of what I do judge. Decency. When Submissive play or control crosses a line into a abuse that seems degrading and worse violent. In my opinion, for whatever that's worth, it besmirches the Kink community. Kink is never worth permanent injury or dying over.

    Not to sound lofty. Just full of self important bullsh*t_Pause to ROTFLMAO.

    My Mother always told me never speak of Politics, Sex or Religion.
    So I talk about all of those all the time. LOL.
    My Papa,(Granddad) her father, Said- "Always speak your mind Girl, as well as your heart."

    SO, I shout to whoever will listen about emigrating if The Apocalypse befalls us and Newt & Pit bull Gal-pal, Sarah take office. I swear to this blog. On all the Pinot Noir in my cellar. (a lot) I will pull a John Cusack moment from
    Say Anything, and hold my Retro boom box up outside the White House, on blast before I go.
    Yup, I will be blasting a NSFW song at that.


    Yup, just picture the million Newt march next time you stare at the Computer or TV- your mouth hanging open in shock at how many As*hats actually Populate the world.

    Me leading the call, My big Boom box above my head blasting that song below. In my pink Hello Kitty glitter shoes and long over-sized floral trench coat...

    Y'all gon' make me lose my mind up in here, up in here

    Y'all gon' make me go all out up in here, up in here

    Y'all gon' make me act a fool up in here, up in here

    Y'all gon' make me lose my cool up in here, up in here

    Mad Prop to U for standing by ur convictions.

  19. I was actually pretty glad I missed most of it, believe it or not! I got links out the wazoo being sent to me on yim "OMG, go check this out", etc. I did, was mildly amused, then shrugged and went back to R/L.

    Like you, tho, when it matters (to me), I get a bit of sadistic joy out of poking idiots who sorely deserve it, but I don't make it my sole purpose of living. I avoid politics, and try to avoid anything generally controversial in topic, unlike my early years. Time is too short to argue over shit that no one is gonna change their mind about, and bad feelings between people who otherwise like one another end up as a result.


  20. Newt -- you crack me up, truly you do.
    Not everyone wants to hear what's in my mind, and I try to reserve it for the proper time and place. But sometimes...

    Sarah -- you're right, of course. In the overall scheme of things, these people aren't worth five minutes of my aggravation. I'll definitely try to keep it just to special occasions, and extra-special people. ;-)

  21. Oh good, I am glad I am not the only one who thought the sick fucks were all out on Fet this week. Although, after my micro meltdown at the sight of a Dickydom, I could probably fit into one of the crazy categories.

    Rhythmic Reiki Spanko Lady annoys me too. But she can heal you from any pain you have. You won't know your in pain though, unless you go to one of her parties since they are the *only* ones worth your attraction.

    I don't even know Sarah that well, but the accusations flying were awful. I know she didn't need my defense, but still, it was so ridiculous that I felt I needed to say something. I think I would like her if I got to know her and almost friend requested her until I saw Dickydom in her friends list.

    It's been an emotionally fucked week for a lot of people. A lot of people needed to, as the popular term has been this week, to STFU. Either that, or jump off a cliff.

  22. Erica: I thought you handled yourself VERY well under the circumstances. It's hard to keep quiet when a friend is being maligned. Your teeth are lovely, btw :)

  23. The idiots HAVE been out in full force this past week! I avoid political talk in general, but definitely don't get into those kinds of groups on FL. As for the rest of it, I had my popcorn at my desk with me and read along. Lol. Sometimes I think it is best to ignore it, but hey, "troll poking" is a fetish for a reason. ;-)

  24. Jai -- I'm sorry that creep has shown up on FetLife. I know the feeling of being punched in the gut when you see someone you don't want to see showing up in what you consider your playground and haven. It sucks. :-(

    Can Rhythmic Run-On Lady heal the extreme pain I get in my head and neck every time I see her posts?

    SnP -- thanks, sweetie. I did try. But no one messes with my friends, dammit.

    Lea -- was there something in the air? It was an unusual amount of asshattery! I agree; most of the time, best to ignore. And I do (believe it or not, y'all!). But some people simply beg to be told off, y'know?

  25. Thanks, Erica! You made me feel proud to be ejected from the Pitt group for not getting along with "her!" I've been reading your blog for a while and I like your style.

  26. Marne -- she kicked you out?? Oh, screw her! Yes, be proud. Any group of hers is a must to avoid.

    Well, you're certainly welcome here anytime. :-)

  27. Dear Erica,

    I could not agree more that the tone of many online forums strays far from civil discourse, and there is surprising tolerance to fools and trolls. Indeed, a person who advocates the kind of punishment you described is either so much in irrealistic fantasyland so as to lose touch with basic reality (as, I must say, common in certain kinds of erotica), which is annoying but harmless, either truly believe in such things and then that's really dangerous.

    Let me however point something. An enema with hot (but not scalding; think "body temperature") soapy (but not exceedingly so) water will not get you to the hospital; it's an old-fashioned remedy for constipation and will simply result in a session in the loo. Of course, beyond that are really dangerous acts (e.g. really hot water, agressive additives).

    This of course does not excuse the welts. Despite my love of spanking, I feel disgust at the thought of any result beyond general redness, including welts, "railroad tracks", and strongly marked bruises (minor bruising is tolerable). I've seen pictures of such results in e.g. the production of certain Eastern European spanking porn companies, and I really feel turned off.

  28. Pecan nutjob -- (love that name!) Wow, you went way back. I'd forgotten all about this post.

    Oh, I know enemas in themselves aren't dangerous. My remark about the hospital was referring to the level of beating he was advocating.

    I don't have a problem with certain marks. But others will make me very squeamish. So I avoid looking at them.