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Friday, January 27, 2012

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 1/27

Welcome to Friday. There must be something in the air this week -- I have seen more asshattery on FetLife the past couple of days than I have in months. Perfect timing for one of these columns, so I can blow off some steam.

wow sexy and u have sexy feet i like to lick and kiss your feet

That's nice. Go find someone who would enjoy that.

Are you into animalsex also ??

Does the occasional and regrettable encounter with swine count?

love how you're bottom swells after a good spanking.

Does it? This is news to me. Perhaps I should give ST a tape measure for a before-and-after. Or maybe I've been eating too many peanut butter Oreos.

When you get your bare ass spank does the man stop now an then to rub an massage your bare ass to keep it from tighten up an keep it loose so you could feel every smack sure hope so.

Please tell me I just imagined this one. It's too depressing to think people actually write this badly. Trust me, I feel every smack, tight ass or loose ass.

And now for fun with search phrases. I don't usually get into these, as most of mine are fairly straightforward, but I've gotten a batch of such bizarre ones lately, I had to share.

Sarah Gregory nude

Ummm... OK. Sarah Gregory is lovely naked. But how on earth did this phrase bring anyone to my blog?

Erica Scott is ticklish

Why yes, I am. But what does that have to do with anything?

ohmyhead model mayhem

WTF?? I do have a profile on Model Mayhem, but it doesn't give me a headache.

spanking pedicure

Again with the feet. How would one get a pedicure while being spanked? Wouldn't the polish smear all over?

And finally, can someone please explain this one to me? I swear, I'm not making it up.

facial waitress

For one thing, the phrase itself makes no sense. And for another, in what universe does anything to do with facials or food servers connect with a spanking blog? Perhaps an inept waitress tripped and gave a customer a facial with a bowl of soup, and got spanked for it. Oh, my head, indeed.

There are times when the Internet -- no, the world in general -- makes no sense to me. I'm very grateful it's Friday and I get to escape to John's for a couple of days. His knee is better, although now the bruises have bloomed and it looks scary, he says.

Have a great weekend, y'all. :-)


  1. Wow. I love spankings and I love pedicures... maybe this freak is on to something.

    On second thought, I like to kick. Maybe spankings and a manicure will work better.

  2. Kat -- I love them both as well, but one at a time. Some things just don't blend properly. I mean, I love chocolate cake too, but if I tried to eat some while being spanked, it might go down the wrong way.

  3. hmmm... maybe we can make it a spa day! Manis, pedis, spankings by cute swedish men named Johan, and then a piece of chocolate cake to end the day.

    We are on to something here Erica!

  4. I like how you think, girlfriend. :-)

  5. Thanks for sharing. What Galaxy do these people live on?

    Very funny stuff.


  6. You have to ask Katarina about her foot guy and the video.
    Great job for SC as always.You and John enjoy your weekend.
    xo missy

  7. joey -- I'm afraid they live here, which is one of the reasons why I often consider relocating to another planet.

  8. Missy -- hey sweetie! Thanks... you know how much fun I had with them. :-)

  9. I have to say your search terms are better than mine. There are some strange people out there, as you obviously know. Have a great weekend!

  10. Spanky -- there are?? (facepalm) ;-)

  11. Very strange FL week for sure. Several people on there this week have been offensive, idiotic and abusive. Too bad they can't get assigned permanent FL timeouts! :)

  12. Kelly -- amen. Between idiot sockpuppets, censorious political groups, and people likening spanking professionals to prostitutes, I'm about ready for a self-imposed time-out, myself.

  13. I just get occasional nude pictures with no head from a women with notes saying things like - "sono una donna matura desidero essere schiavizzata" - does everybody think just because the name Samadhi ends in the letter "I" that I'm Italian or something?

  14. Michael -- that just made me laugh and then shake my head! People are mind-boggling sometimes.

    Oh, and for those who don't know Italian, that translates to "I am a mature woman who wants to be enslaved."

  15. ROFLMHO!!

    Long, long ago, in a galaxi far, far away...

    FetLife Wars!

    I haven't been on there lately and from what I gather, I'm glad I haven't. GAK!

    Sometimes I wonder how the search engines come up with sites so unrelated to what is put in there for the search! How hilarious some of these are.

    Thank you for the laugh!

  16. Oops! That is supposed to be "galaxy!" ARG!

  17. Umm... I think I get what someone was trying to say by "facial waitress"... and.... Eewwwwww......

    Sometimes I wonder what non-spankos must think when they come across a spanking blog during a weird search... I'm assuming that they can't be too weirded out by it since they're searching with unusual terms anyway...

    Thanks for the laugh!

  18. Bobbie Jo -- you haven't missed much, trust me.

    Beth -- I do know what "facial" means in some circles, but what does it have to do with waitresses? LOL! Is that a bizarre sort of tip?

  19. I know I haven't. Just from the descriptions I have read, I didn't want any part of it.

  20. Just exactly what problem does that guy have with the letter "d"? I always thought that "and" was a fairly easy word to spell. It's not just me, is it?

    Love the search terms; the best ones I've had used are "man takes off belt spanking" (I'm not a fan of belt spankings, and I'm sure I've never mentioned them) and "ebina spanking" - I think that's a city in Japan!

    All the best


  21. Tim -- nope, not just you. Ebina? WTF?

  22. The idiots never cease to amaze me. Lol! What is scary is most of them don't realize that THEY are the idiots.

    Search terms produce some funny things. I just took a look at mine to see if anything stood out. How do you like this one? "i was looking forward to my fist caning by the head" Um... I'm gonna assume it was a typo and fist was supposed to be first. But even so, they are caning the wrong body part.

  23. Exactly what I needed, Erica, some laughs from the dim bulbs and even more laughs from your luminous rhetoric. You are so right about not just the internet but the world making no sense much of the time.

    Season and I get some crazy search phrases also, and every once in a while your name pops up like "Erica Scott spanking" "Scott spanking" "Erica Scott BDSM" I have no idea how those terms lead to our blog.

    Have a great weekend, and hope John's knee is 100%.

  24. Hope ur weekend is grand and John's knee better.

    I sometimes question how some particular humans get along with so little self awareness.

    I would lose my mind and have to offer tutoring services to
    half of these guys. Obviously reading and comprehension is a issue for them. If your profile spells out exactly what U are looking for, and they persist in ignorance and Mayhem. Well good luck to em.

    I don't understand why people can't start with Hello. Then maybe... "Read your profile." "Am interested in ____ think we might have in common _____." It doesn't make it less sexy or exciting to show some F*ing decency. Even kink has decorum.

    My two cents. Which are worth less due to inflation.

  25. LOL! *taking a moment to regain composure*

    I haven't been on FetLife for a while now, mainly due to lack of time, but also because I clearly have much less tolerance towards people who cannot so much as read someone's profile before saying/proposing whatever pops into mind. I have always tried to reply politely and be understanding, but after a while I wonder, why bother?
    I once had a conversation in which I had to repeat three times (consecutively) to the guy that I had no interest in doing anything other than spanking. Honestly, he just kept saying "Yes, I understand that your fantasies are focused on your bottom, but do you like ...?" (I don't remember what alternative practices he listed). The third time I was like "What part of 'I only do spanking' do you not understand?".

    The search phrases are hilarious. I think "spanking pedicure" had nothing to do with smacking buttocks.
    Also, I don't understand "ohmyhead model mayhem". Unless someone on Model Mayhem is called Ohmyhead, which I highly doubt, it is beyond me why people would look for something that gives them a headache.

    Thanks for the laugh, and have a fabulous weekend with John! ;-)

  26. First of all, prior to the search phrases I'm pretty sure all those came from the same guy.

    Now, onto the search phrases...

    "Facial Waitress"? Facial Waitress? Wait! I think I just found the name for my next punk rock act! FACIAL WAITRESS, with special guests Spanking Pedicure! This weekend only at the Wiltern Theatre!

    (what a riot...)

  27. Lea -- yeah, even with first instead of fist, that makes no sense!

    Michael -- how funny; how would my name lead to your blog? Maybe because of our blog links? Who knows...

    Newt -- "Even kink has decorum." Exactly. I say on Alt that just because I'm kinky, doesn't mean I don't have class. :-)

    Christy -- oh, don't you just love "I know, but" and "Yes, but" from people who want to hear only what they want to hear? (heavy sigh)

    Craig -- I love it! That is perfect! :-D

  28. Thanks Erica for giving me a good laugh hehehe.They alway's write weird and funny stuff for you to share with us :-)I hope John's knee feel's better soon.I will email you tomorrow night with my results from Friday :)Wishing you and John a GREAT weekend, much love and hug's from your naughty girl Jade xoxo

  29. Erica,

    My DH used to say that "yeah-buts" are just excuses and he didn't give any quarter to them...most of the time. LOL

  30. OMG I hope that some of the problem is English not being the primary language. I am quite fluent my self since it is the only language that I have mastered somewhat. By the way Facial Waitress I don't think you really want to know.


  31. Yes, I'm glad John is much recovered!

    Your reply with the swine was my favorite this time!

    OOH! OOH! Mistah Kottahhhh!

    I know what the "waitress" connection is! The search engines connected after ST said, "All right, bend over, omelette you have it!"

  32. Jade -- glad you're OK!

    Bobbie Jo -- they usually are. Or they're an indication that the person isn't listening; they just want to say what they have to say.

    Emanuele -- possibly. I try to cut some slack for that, if the people are polite. But if not, I don't. :-)

    Dave -- That was 2/3 of a pun: P U!

    Unfortunately, John isn't better. His knee swelled up hugely again today and it looks nasty. :-( I hope the stubborn fool will go to the doctor this week.