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Monday, November 14, 2011

Rough

Warning: Some of you might not like what I describe below.

But please believe me.... I sure did.

You guys pretty much have my number by now, right? You know what kinds of scenes I like -- I like to be playful, I'm sassy, I love the banter and push-pull. Overall, I am a feisty and spirited bottom.

But sometimes... I really, really like the damsel-in-distress scenario. I don't know why. It so completely goes against my personality. But damn, it's so hot.

I like the fear factor. It isn't real fear... I know real fear. I'm afraid of many things. No, it's the good kind of fear... the trepidation, the not knowing, but trusting that ultimately, you'll be all right because you're in the best of hands. It's the thrill and terror of free-falling, and yet knowing someone is there to catch you. It's knowing that he could do some terrible things to you if he wanted to... but he won't. He'll just make you think he will. For those moments, you believe.

I didn't know we were going there tonight. I don't think ST did either. It just sort of happened.

Our scene started like most others -- OTK warmup, me running my mouth. When he said, "You need a good spanking, don't you," I snarked, "What was your first clue, Einstein?" He then whaled so hard and fast with his tawse, I squeaked, "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!!"

"Yeah, you will be," he said, fishing around in his bag. I thought he was going for a heavier implement. Then I felt him pull my arms back behind me. Then I felt the ropes. He tied my feet, too.

"Now you don't know WHAT kind of nasty things I'm going to do to you," he said coolly. "And there's nothing you can do about it, either. Is there!"

I went from smartass to shaking in a matter of seconds.




What happened after that is a blur of sensation and emotion. He used a lot of implements, I know that. Hard. But more than that, he teased me. He made me look at him. He leaned down and hissed in my ear. He tightened his fist in my hair. I was wearing a strappy sundress and he yanked the dress down past my shoulders.

He never raised his voice. I hate raised voices. But his smooth and steely tones made me tremble and put tears in my eyes.

It wasn't the same kind of crying as last week. Last week was pure emotional release. This was... I don't know what this was. Just feeling wound up, hyper-stimulated, beyond excited. I strained against the ropes and scrubbed my face into the bedspread, praying he wouldn't make me scream.



















While I appreciate the intensity of tears during a scene, I am self-conscious about mine. As our beloved Pixie likes to say: "Tears are hot -- snot is not." In bondage, I couldn't wipe my face or my nose. When he leaned down to look into my face, I turned away.

"Are you trying to hide from me?" he asked. "Yes," I murmured.

"You can't hide from me. Maybe I should just put you in position so I can look at you," he said, grabbing my shoulder and rolling me onto my back.




















I twisted my head to look away, rolled my eyes back. No, no, don't look at me. But I could still feel his eyes on me, his hands. Enjoying himself. Enjoying my discomfort.

Only with someone I trust so completely could I do this. He knew that. And he knew just what he could do, and what would violate me. The latter wouldn't happen. I knew that logically. But still... when he's in Dr. Hyde mode, he knows how to make me wonder.

Finally, he rolled me back over onto my belly and finished me off with the strap. "If I let you go, will you be a good girl?" I nodded vigorously. He untied me.

And just like that, the sweet and gentle ST reappeared.

Several minutes later, he asked how I was feeling.

"Very relaxed," I replied. After a moment, I added, "And absolutely amazed at the places I can go with you."

"Me too."

I suppose I could analyze and overanalyze why I want to go to this edgy territory sometimes. But I'd rather not. I'm just grateful I have the perfect companion who goes there with me. And when I go over the edge, he's my net.

19 comments:

  1. Always look forward to your Monday reports, and this one sure didn't disappoint! Thank you for sharing these intimate moments. (and that last picture... thanks for sharing that too!)

    ;)

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  2. Great night! Great pics! And like you, with one you trust so implicitly.. it is so nice to be able to explore other avenues of play!

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  3. Secret Spanko -- yes, a different side of me. Literally. ;-)

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  4. Zelle -- you know it, girlfriend. And oh, the wonderful places you've been lately! :-D

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  5. @Erica - Yes, I got lucky this trip.. 3 days of shear joy with William and his girl friend that I've adored since our myspace days together. So it felt like old home week. We all got along famously.. and now I want to go back ASAP.. but can't until May (sighs).

    I would bake cookies..just to have that once a week playdate night that you have!

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  6. And before that, Crimson Moon! You've had a time of feasting! :-) But I know... you hope for the regular gig. I wish that for you as well. ♥

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  7. A really different kind of scene for you. One of the hottest scenes ever. And, the photos were great, but the last one is really steamy. :D

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  8. Isn't it wonderful, for both, when it comes together wo planning or even thinking about it?

    I am sure that ST is on a top's high today.

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  9. Hi Erica,

    Not like it? Right. I LOVE that sort of edgy adventure once in a while. Good for you and hooray for ST!

    I really like the distant look in your eyes in the last photo. You appear totally lost in the moment. That's cool.

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

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  10. Ohhhhh, I love scenes like this from time to time, and you encapsulate how it feels so perfectly. Love it when it happens spontaneously even more! So awesome that you have a top who can read you well enough to take risks like that - and so exhilarating for both of you when they pay off.

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  11. Hi Erica, OMG those scenes and pics were freakin HOT :-)I am VERY happy for you that you have such a WONDERFUL top that you can trust. YOU and ST ROCK :-)I always enjoy reading about your Monday night adventure's they are the BEST.I think it is so COOL that we both see the oral surgeon on the same day today GOOD LUCK to us both :-) Love and Hug's from your naughty girl Jade XOXO <3

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  12. joey -- definitely different. Glad you enjoyed.

    OBB -- I certainly hope he is. :-)

    Bonnie -- well, you know how it is. Some things touch off a nerve in others; I never know how these edgy scenes will be received. But I'm so glad you liked it. :-)

    Pandora -- it really is amazing, the trust. I mean, if someone I don't trust tried that on me, I'd be traumatized until the year 2020.

    Jade -- thanks, sweetie.

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  13. Splendid! I so want this.

    I showed your pics to my KinkyGent and he was aroused and begin saying what he'd like to do to me along these lines.

    I hope...I wish...I can't wait.

    Your photos were arousing.

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  14. Hedone -- I hope it's soon and it's wonderful for you!

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  15. No need to analyze why we want to push limits or explore new territory from time to time. Just enjoy it! :-)

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  16. Lea -- I agree. But a lot of folks in our scene like to question, to explore the underlying need, the psychological impetus. Me? I think too much as it is!

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  17. Wow, rare shot of the girls. You're always charmingly modest with them.

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  18. Erica:
    Do you recall the cartoon "The Perils of Gwendoline"? Or am I the only nerd here? It was quite an erotic cartoon for it's time. Anyway, it had a pulp like feel to it and most of the drawings were very ... well this here nerd liked 'em.

    That last picture of you made me think of Gwendoline. You looked like the splash page of something Frank Miller or some other genius would draw.

    This is my nerdy way of saying "Thank You" by the way.

    Also, not surprised about your desire to be tamed. Many a submissive has this desire and they give it only to a man worthy of the honor.

    I see that you have found one :).

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  19. Chev -- I doubt you're the only nerd (liking Dark Shadows is kinda nerdy, isn't it?), but I've never heard of that particular cartoon. Glad you liked the pics, regardless!

    The weird thing is, I don't consider myself a submissive. Not naturally, anyway. It has to be earned, and yes, this man has earned it and then some. :-)

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