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Friday, January 14, 2011

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 1/14

First order of today's business -- blowing a smooch to Chross for including my followup post on caning on his list this week. And congratulations to all the others who made it! After reading some of the entries, I beefed up my Blog List.

OK, back to the morons. We begin with the tried-and-true:

Nice ass for 53!

(sigh) Oh, fuck off.

(sorry, but if he's not going to be imaginative, then neither am I.)

id luv 2 meat u sexy ;o)

I'll just bet you'd luv 2 meat me, honey. So, was that an intentional play on words, or is he simply too illiterate to know how to spell meet?

After being spanked your probably all wet I would be able to tell by the aroma that I love so well. Then I would like to lick you taste you ah the smell and taste of a woman. Mmmmm

Ah, the sound of an idiot. I'd say that I taste just like chicken, but Bonnie already brilliantly used that line this week. :-)

hi sexy how r u i would love to give u a bad ass spanking

You think I have a bad ass? Gee... some people like it.

Best for last, as usual:

I want to confess that I had a fantasy thinking about you.  I was thinking how nice it would be if i could ask you to do things and you would do them.  And you could ask me as well.  I was thinking of asking you to place your left hand on your labia, pulled up slightly and allow your clitoris to pop between your fingers on your left hand.   Then take your index finger, lick it softly, then rub ever so softly on your clitoris, making slow circles.  I am dying to know how long you could do until you couldn't stand it any more.  Sounds like fun to me.

You know, you could have consolidated all that gibberish into one sentence: I want to watch you masturbate. I applaud your flowery efforts, but the answer is still no.

This isn't a correspondence, but it's so ridiculous, I'm sharing it anyway. Every now and then I go to my Blogger Stats and check the keyword phrases, as Bonnie does for her side-splitting Keyword Chaos. Most of the time, mine are pretty straightforward and standard, but once in a while, there's something totally bizarre, like this:

bleach spanking party

Say it with me, kids... WTF? OK, I figured out that they most likely meant "beach spanking party" (Florida Moonshine). But still...

So, does one use the bleach to whiten the bottom for the next go-round? :-)

Have a great weekend, y'all.


  1. Maybe that is Lady Gaga who wants to meat you while wearing her meat outfit.

  2. Paul -- blech. I'll pass!
    Hey, shoot me a private email and tell me what the heck happened with your blog, huh?

  3. Thanks for the link Erica! Lovely blog :)

  4. Rayne -- you're very welcome. Your "Top of the Stairs" entry gave me shivers! :-)

  5. Hello my Erica you are so frickin funny hehehe bahahaha i laughed so hard reading this :-) CONGRATS on being on the Chross list again HIGH FIVE TO YOU your the GREATEST LOL and HUGS from your naughty girl Jade xoxo

  6. It never ceases to amaze me how stupid people can be ! I love reading these , do they really think they are gonna get a favorable response ?

    Sheesh !

    Ohh and btw , just so you know , I am keeping track of every time you use the F word and when I make it out there .....well you are soooo in trouble young lady .... ;-D grins ...... Well I have to have somthing to look forward to !!

  7. Alan -- lol... I try not to overdo it, but you know, sometimes it simply must be said. :-)

  8. Wel i cannnt weight to c videeoz of yor upcumming spanking advenchure.

    Sorry, my dear, I'm just in a silly goofball mood today. I wonder who WAS the first brave soul to try Clorox as a post spanking bottom whitener? :)

  9. Kelly -- I prefer Woolite spanking; pampers that delicate flesh and keeps those reds red! :-D

  10. Hi Erica,

    Great stuff, as always!

    I figure the bleach is for use as a disinfectant after these morons finish shifting their manual transmissions.

    Have a splendid weekend!


  11. Bonnie -- (snicker) Most excellent euphemism!

  12. I thought it was "blech" and the Googler was looking for people who didn't like spanking parties.

    Congrats on the Chrossing!


  13. Maybe the last one was looking for like-minded folks who enjoy punishing household chemicals--would that be the strangest fetish you've heard of? ;)

    Thanks for the link, Erica! I'm a big fan of your site, so it's an honor!

  14. I have no idea why people as yucky as that need to share their yucky nature with the rest of us.
    I suspect they have run out of people to talk to in real life.
    Silly little men.

    I love the weekend and am having a great one. I am still in my jammies at 2:17 pm! I am about to go now and run my dogs in the woods and then come home and have a long bath. Hope you are having a good one too. (If you are you will be asleep right now.)

  15. Hermione -- well, there's another option! LOL

    Dioneo -- Hmmmmm.... will have to give that some thought. I've heard of a lot of realllllly strange fetishes! :-) And you're welcome -- your "spanked butts" post had me falling off my chair.

    Poppy -- PJs at 2:17 pm, my kind of day! :-)

  16. Erica,
    Please would you recommend which of your films with Keith Jones would be best for people to watch who get a bit wibbly about that sort of thing? A few people want to watch one and I do not know where best to start.
    Thank you,
    Poppy (who is back in her jammies again)

  17. Hey! Nice blog for 53!

    ..ducks flying objects!

    You must have the patience of a Saint to deal with a few swimmers that miraculously made it into the gene pool. LOLOL

    ((muah!)) ~Z

  18. @Zelle. Maybe YOU need to accompany Erica on her spanking adventure. Teasing and taunting the beloved 53 year old blog writer like that, so bold of you! :)

  19. @Kelly... Oh I'm quite sure the debu-taunt will find a way to get even with me.. LOL

  20. LOL!! Zelle has been brushing up her Shakes-rear, proving "brevity is the soul of wit" with "debu-taunt!"

    Speaking of flowery efforts, your crack to that last crackpot was my fave, Erica! Well, maybe tied with the first!!

  21. Erica,

    Gads! Some people can be such, um, well, such, alpha hotels! No class, no sense, and you can probably smell them a mile away up wind, and the moron oozes out all over the landscape!

    Again, I just want to compliment you on your very crafty answers to these idiots who lack no amount of imbicility.


    I know for sure there will be some getting even! Bwuhahahaha....! :-P

  22. Poppy -- well, y'know, I have no clue as to what would make someone wibbly or not. What IS that -- a combo of wiggly and wobbly? ;-) The first one I ever did with him was Naughty Secretaries Week Part 2 (SL) -- suppose they could start with that?

    Zelle -- HEY! Did someone get the number of that Zelle-train that just ran me over? :-Þ OK, I have to commend you for "debu-taunt," dammit.

    Kelly -- Paul would never know what hit him if the TWO of us descended upon him! lol

    Dave -- I know, right? I mean, really. Since when do I need a step-by-step manual on self-pleasuring?? Jeeeez. :-)

    Bobbie Jo -- ah, but they do serve their purpose. They do make me appreciate the literate and clever ones oh so much more. :-)

  23. You have a point, Erica. Some of it is funny and some of it is just plain sicko. I like the way you answer them. Hehehe! Go get'em gal.