Correspondence Hall of Shame, 7/8

Greetings and happy Friday. Congratulations to all my fellow Chrosslings.

This week, we have a couple of repeat offenders. Remember this guy? It seems he will not be ignored.

I HAVE AN INSATIABLE ASS FETISH. I'M SEEKING A PLAYDATE-PARTNER.I'M VERY DESCREET AND I LOVE OLDER WOMEN AND ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE FEMALE ASS.SO MESSAGE ME BACK ASAP.

I guess he still hasn't found his dream ass. Amazing.

And the 19-year-old from last time piped up again:

id love to have you sit on my face ;]

Yeah, and I'd love for Sarah Palin to be rendered mute. That's not happening either.

Received this on FetLife:

Love your awesome 50 something petite build

He then went on to invite me to join his group and provided a link. I clicked on it and was taken to the group "Skinny Thin Sluts."

No thanks. I already belong to "Slender Lightweight Hussies."

The next gentleman seems to be a photographer who is critiquing one of my pictures. Hard to tell with all the illiteracy.

working on the photo thing would LOVE to do a lot better than I saw in your pics. and warm your ass up a little more. was disapointed you were not tied to te chair. but really enjoyed the fact you had a garte belt and stocking on

Perhaps you should work on the writing thing instead.

Everyone's a critic, apparently:

your bottom needs more redesspurple to it hummmmm..nice thights very nice!!!

Pray tell, what color is redesspurple? I don't recall that one from my Crayola 64-Pack.

This is not really part of the CHoS; it is simply a statement I found as I cruised the blogosphere this morning:

It is indeed a fact that most men want younger women.

(sigh) With all due respect, sir -- given the amount of correspondence I receive, good and bad, from men younger than myself, and how many younger men have happily played with me, I'd say you might be assuming a bit too much. But thank you for helping perpetuate the stereotype.

To wrap up last Friday, John is on antibiotics and he's seeing a periodontist today. It seems this time around, he will be OK. Thanks to everyone who was concerned.

Funny side note about that day... I love puzzles. I do crossword puzzles every day, and I almost always have a jigsaw puzzle in the works. Not the super-super hard ones; they have to have lots of different colors and an interesting picture, or else I get bored. The 750-piece ones are a perfect size. Anyway... as of last Friday, I was only two-thirds done with one I'd been working on for weeks. As I climbed the walls waiting to hear from John, I discovered that I couldn't work on the puzzle and think about him at the same time. So I immersed myself in the puzzle.

Think maybe I was a bit stressed out?

Yup, I finished it, all in one afternoon. When I put the last piece in at around 6:30, I felt about five seconds of triumph, then my mind swung right back to, "Oh gawd, where IS he?" I am hopeless, truly. But it all worked out.

Back to Spanking Court tomorrow; can't wait! :-D  Wish me luck. Have a great weekend, y'all.

In case you were wondering...

...or even if you weren't, I figured it was time for an update.

1. Where is my book?

As you may recall, my dear buddy Zelle is designing the cover for me. Her life is very hectic at the moment and the setup in Photoshop is intricate and rather tedious, so it's been slow going. And then, a storm happened. While she was working on it. Power surge. Poof. Hours of work, gone. Yes, she does have a surge protector. Unfortunately, it's at her house, and she was at her mother's house at the time.

Poor Zelle. I think she woke the surrounding neighborhoods with her expletives.

So we've had a little setback there. But it will be done soon. Once I have the final cover, then it's back in my hands and I can begin the publishing process. I have decided that the writing is done. No more tweaking.

2. What happened to my Spanking Court clips?

Let's recap. Beginning of May, I shot two courtroom scenes and two spanking scenes. Then in June, I continued the saga, shooting another courtroom scene and an extended spanking scene. However, nothing has been released yet.

Apparently, there was a SNAFU. Don't know the details, but one of my spanking scenes from the May shoot exists only in my memory now. It went the way of Zelle's cover file -- poof! And of course, it's the second scene... the really intense one. The one where I pulled out all the stops and treated The Villain and Dana to the full Erica Attitude.

(sigh) I know this kind of thing happens. Don't forget, back in the Spanking Epics days, the entire cast of the Keith Jones trilogy had to go back East once again to redub all the outdoor dialogue, because of a sound problem.

So, this Saturday, instead of shooting new footage, we are reshooting that scene. Then the continuity will be unbroken, and they can start putting my clips on the site. Cali felt bad and thanked me for being so flexible. (I should keep that email forever; it's a rare occasion when anyone uses the word "flexible" about me!)

Fortunately, thanks to this blog and my elephantine memory, I think the scene can be easily recreated. I remember all the details -- I was rude to Dana because she called me ma'am (important detail, since that is referred to later). I screwed up the count repeatedly, on purpose. I goaded V so relentlessly, he switched from leather to wood at stroke #50.

Their August shoot will be in Tampa, because they're taking the entire Spanking Court show to the Tampa Tanners party. So, sometime in September, we will pick up again and I'll continue with new footage. I look forward to that. Since I made V lose his temper in the last scene we shot, there should be some interesting repercussions. :-)

Last night, I remarked to Zelle that perhaps I was a jinx -- I mean, two projects with which I'm connected met with unfortunate circumstances! She said that was probably true, since New Guy has to redo his work with me week after week. Smartass...

And the bottom's red glare...

...The belts cracking in air,
Gave proof to the brat,
That her Top was still there!

Yeah, I've got your Star-Spankled Banner right here!

(again with the damn tag...)

Yes indeed... who needs crowded parks and hordes of screaming kids? We had plenty of fireworks right here!

New Guy tried to go in one direction, saying I'd overreacted on Friday and gotten a lot of people worried. Hummph! I said I couldn't help it, and he said, "Well, maybe you should just stop and think!"

"Thinking is my problem!" I protested. "I think too much!"

"OK then," he said, "try not thinking?"

I asked him if he'd give me lessons on that. He didn't appreciate it.

I proceeded to argue (successfully) that I'd had a good reason for my panic on Friday and I hadn't posted that blog to stir people up unnecessarily, that there was no malice on my part. He agreed that I was right. He didn't stop, however.

"Well, I thought I was spanking you for a good reason."

"There you go, thinking again," I snapped. "I told you, stop doing things you're not used to."

That did it. OTK was over.

Onto the bed I went, and he stood so he could get a full swing.

Hey! I just realized he didn't say, "Oh, did that hurt?" this time. Not even once. Whaddaya know.

Oh, but he was in extra good form tonight, having himself quite the grand time at the expense of my poor maligned backside. And get this -- he's been playing a lot of guitar lately (even going to talent nights at clubs) and he had the nerve to say, "You know, I think we should dispense with the hand spanking. It's not good for my hand; I need to take better care of it."

"Not good for your hand???" I echoed incredulously.

"Yeah, it's bad for my knuckles!"

"Then don't USE your knuckles, stupid!" Oh crap. I said that out loud, didn't I.

Later, still on the musical theme, he was beating out melodies on my butt with the paddle and trying to make me guess what they were. OK, I got "Shave and a Haircut." But then I couldn't get the next one for the life of me.

He laughed. "It's 'Danny Boy'!"

Of course it is. You've got to be @#$%ing kidding me.

Then he tried another one. I didn't get that one, either.

"It's 'Jingle Bells' -- I thought I'd try something more recognizable!"

"Jingle Bells????" I screeched. "It's JULY, for Christ's sake!" No wonder I didn't figure it out. "Jingle Bells," indeed.

Besides, who can make out any sort of melody when all these damned toys are coming down on them?

He'd come over an hour earlier than usual, but alas, he left early as well. Last week, he hadn't left until nearly 10:00 -- he still had to drive home, walk his dog, etc., and didn't get enough sleep. Said that was my fault, as well. Of course it was, dear. (rolling eyes)

Ah, but I kid. I was so, so glad to see him, as always. He put me in my Happy Place. Can you tell?

I look stoned, don't I? No, just happily spent from the fireworks show...

Hope everyone had a spectacular 4th of July weekend. :-)

Feeling mildly silly...

... for giving in so thoroughly to stinking thinking on Friday. But you know, just writing about it helped. For everyone who commented and who dropped me notes privately, thank you. :-)

John did all the right things (well, except for not calling and not answering his damned texts/voicemail) -- he went to the doctor and the dentist and he's staying on top of his health. The reason why he got so horribly sick last year was because he put off seeing the doctor for five weeks. He won't do that again. So maybe I need to relax a little. (Yeah, right. After I scale Mt. Everest in my bare feet and break the Guinness record for most consecutive cartwheels.) Well, it's good to have goals, anyway.

Enough of that. We had a nice, peaceful weekend after I got there Friday night. Tomorrow, NG is coming over late afternoon to get the July 4th fireworks started on my butt. Life is good.

Just to end on a humorous note -- I'm sure you've all seen the sexist ads of yesteryear (you know, happy housewives, macho husbands and women waxing ecstatic over cleaning products). I leave you with the Worst. Ad. Ever. Yes, ladies, in case you can't read the small print -- all you need for a happy, successful marriage is to keep your cooch clean and antiseptic! (I can't believe Lysol was used for that... aaack!!) If you double-click on the picture, you can read it more easily.

Horrible-izing

That is John's descriptive term for what I do. When there is an uncertain situation, when I don't have all the facts about something and it could go one way or the other, my glass-half-empty mind wanders to the dark side, and I imagine the worst-case scenario. I know I do this, and logically, I know feelings aren't facts and I needn't give in to this. But viscerally, the fear and panic come in and threaten to overwhelm me.

I hate being like this. Damn, I hate it. Because life is seldom without some sort of uncertainty going on. But some uncertainties are easier to live with than others.

This past week, when I spoke with John on the phone both Monday and Tuesday evenings, I thought he sounded odd, more tired than usual. He'd had those days off, since he had some administrative time off he had to use up, so I figured he'd be well rested. He said he'd worn himself out doing yardwork, pruning trees, cleaning his house, etc. OK, that made sense.

Wednesday evening, we didn't speak, because I got home late from the gym and he went to bed early, as he was going back to work on Thursday. So we spoke last night, and he casually dropped some bad news.

I should preface this by saying that John has the best dental hygiene of anyone I've ever known in my life. However, everyone in his family has bad teeth, so he is prone to a lot of dental problems. His teeth crack constantly. He has had several crowns and root canals. He had one tooth pulled about 10 years ago, because of an infection that would not clear up no matter what they did. And every time he has any kind of dental work done, he is at risk, because he's infection-prone. And with his bad heart, infections can be deadly.

Last night, he told me that a tooth had been bothering him, so he went in to have it checked. Things snowballed from there... it could be a lot of things, but they suspect an abscess and possibly a cracked root. If the root is cracked, they'll have to pull the tooth, but if there's an infection, then he has to go through a bunch of expensive rigmarole. Not good.

That alone made me nervous, because when he was so violently ill at the end of last year, it was due to a strep infection, from germs that reside in the mouth. But then he dropped another bombshell. He confessed that he's been feeling lousy all week, and he was going in to his HMO that afternoon to have blood drawn. 

Oh NO, not this again!

I never stop worrying about him. Those months nearly did me in, watching him deteriorate before my eyes, and then taking so long to recover. Even though he has gained back his weight, is exercising again and looks great, he's always tired and it scares me, but we don't talk about it. Each week, I just hope he'll be OK and I make sure he gets lots of rest on the weekends.

But now he may be sick again, and if he needs major dental work done, that will up his risk.

It is mid-afternoon, and I know nothing. He went to work today, and I've been waiting to hear from him for an update, but haven't gotten one. I texted him, but he has not replied. He's seeing the dentist at 4:30 today. I have no idea how long he'll be there. And all day, I have felt free-floating fear.

I went out, trying to distract myself, and ran errands. It just made me feel worse, as it's hot as hell outside and that made me edgier. My apartment is very cool, comfortable and quiet, and I'm sitting here, trying to relax and wait. It's the beginning of the holiday weekend, and everyone is busy doing something or another. I don't want to bother anyone. It's not what I do. When I am scared, my loner nature is stronger than ever and I withdraw.

So I'm writing. I have to get it out somehow. Sorry to be a downer, but it really helps me when I get this crap out in the open.

There is good news in all this. Last time, John was sick for a whopping five weeks before going to the doctor, which nearly killed him (and me, too). At least he learned -- this time, he went to the doctor after just a couple of days of not feeling well. I'm grateful for that. If he does have a bacterial infection going on, they can give him antibiotics, which will help with the tooth situation too.

Anyway. I will update when I know more. Again, I'm sorry to dump. I do hope everyone has a great holiday weekend and you're doing something fun!