OT Rant: The latest and greatest in disgusting food

Been a while since I did one of these. Last April, to be exact, when I ranted about Denny's bacon sundae. Well, they're at it again.

Having come to the end of their "Baconalia" cholesterol fest, they decided to move on to "Let's Get Cheesy." Imagine the possibilities. Now take those possibilities, stuff them with cheese, dump cheese on them, and then cover them with cheese sauce. There's so damn much cheese, you don't know whether to eat it or take a bath in it.

All the items on this featured menu are disgustingly decadent, but I'm focusing on the most outrageous: The Mac 'n Cheese Big Daddy Patty Melt. (OK, I don't know about you, but I'd feel like a horse's ass just ordering it. What a stupid name.)

Here it is, in all its gluttonous glory. Buttered and grilled potato bread (God forbid it should be wheat bread). A burger patty, melted cheese, and Frisco sauce (whatever the @#$% that is; probably mayonnaise-based). And then? Yup. A layer of macaroni and cheese.

This sandwich has 1690 calories (I don't eat that many calories in a whole day!!) and 99 grams of fat. If you were to eat a stick of butter, that would be a healthier choice.

But wait, there's more! It comes with a side of French fries, accompanied by dipping sauce. Ketchup? Nah. Cheese sauce. In case you're still cheese deficient.

When does this stop, people? According to the latest statistics, 33.8% of adults in America are obese. No, not overweight, obese. As in morbid. Obesity-related diseases and conditions are on the rise. Children and adolescents are getting fatter. Food portions are getting bigger, fattier, cheesier, breadier, sweeter. The media tell us to diet. The restaurants and food ads gleefully encourage massive gorging.

Let's just make it simple, shall we? Take a wheel of cheese, batter it and deep-fry it, smother it in chocolate sauce and whipped cream, and eat that six times a day. At least that will cure one of the world's problems: overpopulation.

Granted, I don't like bacon and I'm not all that crazy about cheese either. But even if I did like these food items, I'd eat them in moderation. A slice or two of pizza with a normal amount of cheese is fine. Do you really need triple-thick-crust pizza with five kinds of cheese piled on it, with more cheese baked into the crust???

Oh, and if you're hankering for some dessert after that macaroni mashup, another "Let's Get Cheesy" item is a Strawberry Cheesecake Milkshake. Ice cream blended with cream cheese and cheesecake chunks.

Could be worse, I guess. They could have crafted a Hot Cheese Sundae.

OK, I just made myself sick with that one. Later, y'all.

OT: Yet another rant about disgusting food

So, what do I like to bitch about, people? (And don't say everything.) Yes! Gross food! In the past I've ranted about the KFC Double Down sandwich (bacon, cheese and sauce between two fried chicken breasts), IHOP's Pancake Stackers (two pancakes layered with cheesecake filling and topped with fruit and whipped cream), and Friendly's Grilled Cheese Burgermelt (a grilled cheese sandwich, topped with a burger and all the fixings, and then another grilled cheese sandwich on top of that). I've also critiqued marshmallow peeps, and made sure everyone knows that I think cottage cheese is one of the most revolting substances on Earth.

What's on today's Barf-O-Rama menu? Denny's new Maple Bacon Sundae.

Yes, it's exactly what you think it is. Vanilla ice cream, layered with maple syrup and crumbled, cooked bacon. It's one of Denny's limited-time-only (thank God!!) "Baconalia" selections. Other items include Bacon Meatloaf and a BBBLT (a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich with triple bacon).

OK, I hear you out there -- Oh, come on, Erica. You just don't like bacon. That's not it. Granted, it's one of the things I don't eat anymore, but I used to. And I can see the appeal of it with eggs at breakfast, or in a sandwich, or crumbled into salads and baked potatoes. But in dessert????? NO!

What the hell is up with this country's love affair with bacon, anyway? It's turning up everywhere! I have actually heard of chocolate-covered bacon, the thought of which makes me want to hurl. And my beloved Danny has actually ordered a Bacon Martini at a dive bar near Vegas. Today on FetLife, someone posted a link to a Bacon Chocolate-Chip cookie recipe. Stop the madness!!

OK, I get it, people love bacon. But just because a food is good, does that mean it belongs everywhere and combined with everything? I adore chocolate, as many people do. But come on. There are limits. Would you put hot fudge sauce on your prime rib? Sprinkle your mac-'n-cheese casserole with chocolate chips instead of bread crumbs? (OK, maybe some people would, but I'd rather not know them. They're the same people who would hear Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and say it needs more cowbell.)

Apparently, journalist Robin Wheeler agrees with me; see her amusing commentary on the bacon sundae here.

And while I'm in rant mode, what's up with this trendy BS of combining sweet with spicy/savory flavors? I do not want freaking seasalt on my caramel, thank you very much. And I sure as @#$% don't want cayenne pepper in my chocolate bars. Stop with this designer food nonsense. Putting pepper in chocolate is like mating a dog with a cat. Oh, and stop putting flowers in my chocolate too, while you're at it. I like to smell the roses, not ingest them.

OK, I'm getting off-track here. Just say NO to bacon on ice cream, I beg of you. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have a salad.