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Go on.... shoo!

Friday, January 23, 2015

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 1/23

This is my first CHoS of 2015, yes? Many thanks to Jade for putting the above photo on my Facebook page. I found it quite suitable. :-)

I like to spank you and enjoy giving you painful pleasure before I die

So, am I on your bucket list? Just how old are you, anyway? And really, how do you know you like and enjoy it when you've never even met me? My condolences to your imminent demise, by the way.

I want my dick to live inside your pussy almost 24/7

Pardon me if I don't thrill to the idea of that. My kitty is finicky and doesn't want just any dumbass dick residing in it. Please tell me you'll at least take it out when you have to relieve yourself. 

Fix me up with a Christian gal who likes spanking
and if we get married I will pay you 500 dollars

This is certainly a new one. So I'm a Christian marriage broker now?? And if I were, honey, I'd charge you a whole hell of a lot more than $500. Why don't you try talking to your pastor? I've heard those collared dudes can be pretty kinky. Oh, and what's with this "gal" business? Are you the ghost of John Wayne?

And finally -- don't we all just love these? Once again, the illiterate form letter.

hello my dear i saw your profile and i love also the picture is wonderful. what i am looking for in my all-in-one-girl is a lover, best friend, my ..... you must be sexy, hot dressed in heels/boots, skirts, communicativ, tender,lovely, understanding, inteligent, faithful, ... and a sort of submissive and obdient. :-) i am a good man/dom and it could be your and my dream to go forward and make fantasies come true.i am looking for a LTR with BDSM and LOVE. i really will admire her for the devotion and will take good care, protect and support her. be sure, i don't care any distance, because when we got the connection, we will see where the way goes and leads us. i am single and i would give it a try and see where our ways goes. 

(groan) I don't know where your ways goes, but the ways of this message goes right into the cyber Dumpster.

Isn't it ironic that he misspells "intelligent"? And I'm not sure what "obdient" is, but if it's anything like "obedient," you've got the wrong woman, Skippy.

In other news -- you'll all be happy to know that I had my eyes checked yesterday and they are perfectly healthy. I do need to upgrade my glasses prescription, but otherwise, all is well and my profession will live to see another year. So, go ahead and keep masturbating, whenever the mood strikes. It really doesn't make you go blind. ;-)

Have a great weekend, y'all.


  1. LMAO, you crack me up. :-) Where do these people come from?

  2. Thank you, Erica, that´s quite a relief! Wait - just to be sure: how are your ears doing?

    Hilarious 'correspondence'. LOL

  3. MrJ -- they're still too big. But otherwise, they're fine.

  4. THANKS for capping off a very relieving day by providing me with a huge outburst of laughter!

    I got an explanation for some persistent health issues which will require a minor surgery. BUT will also prevent me from masturbating for a week. But that's OK! LOL

    Oh how sweet of the dick owner who wants to live inside you. How could you turn down such a loving suggestion? LOL

  5. Kelly -- yay for minor surgeries that fix things!

    I know, right? I guess I turned it down because, well, can you say permanent bladder infection? :-D

  6. Hilarious! Don't these guys know the way to your heart is through good grammar? BTW your new photo on Fet is so beautiful. Can you favor us with one here? :)

  7. Anonymous -- well, that's one of the ways, anyway. ;-) Thank you! Perhaps next blog.

  8. Lol!!! Thanks for the laughs on an otherwise blah day!

  9. KB -- my pleasure. The stupid must be shared.

  10. It doesn't make you go blind? Well, that's a relief! I've been expecting it to happen fort he past 50+ years ;-D

    I love the idea of you as a shadkhnte for Christians!


  11. Your Correspondence Hall of Shame is my favorite part of your blog. How is it that you come to attract so many silver-tongued orators?

  12. Hermione -- I'm not embarrassed to admit that I had to look that up! :-) Oy.

    Biker -- part of my dubious charms, I suppose?

  13. A 'Christian Gal' with a hankering for a tender backside?

    Nope, haven't seen one of those for about 4 or 5 decades.

    As for your news on masturbation... I'm as relieved as you are.

    As Shakespeare said, "Ah, there's the rub"!

    Anon E. Mouse

  14. There is a guy at my work who is a certifiable wacko and very socially inept. I can almost see him writing such idiotic stuff. People can get some very strange ideas.


  15. Mouse -- is that was the old boy was talking about? ;-)

    Baxter -- socially inept seems to be the disease of the Internet age.

  16. If his dick lives in your pussy 24/7, does it pay rent? Do you have to get a move-out order from the County if he doesn't pay his share of the rent? And if he pays rent, does it include utilities? Wait a minute. Does your agent know he's trying to do this without paying commission?

  17. Craig -- you've given this way too much thought.

  18. Hi Erica -- Sorry I missed this post. Thank you so VERY much, for posting the pic I put on your wall :-) and mentioning my name, that means the world to me. Thanks for making me smile :-) I been going through a lot lately.I appreciate you so much :-) You are the BESTEST friend I have ever had :-) I am so happy you're eyes are ok. You do have a lot of IDIOTS writing to you LOL they take the cake :-) Much Love and hugs always from naughty girl Jade/ Emily Jean

  19. Jade -- my pleasure. It's a great picture. :-)