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Friday, January 16, 2015

Can you say "FUCK IT," boys and girls?

That's where I'm at, kids. Just sad and mad and needy and weepy and frustrated and empty inside and not sleeping well and envious of people having fun and BLECCCCCHHHHHH!!!! 

I need a spanking like nobody's business. Times like this I wish I found self-spanking at least somewhat satisfying, but I do not.

I want to blog something funny and sexy and uplifting and interesting, but I have nothing. 

I want to post some fun new pictures, but I don't have any.

I am sick of myself needing and wanting.

Two bits of good news: Today, John is finally getting the oral device for his sleep apnea. It will no doubt need some adjustments and so forth, but at least he'll have it. He can get it tweaked by his dentist as well, whom he'll be seeing next week. So that's a relief. And this past week, he finally, finally had the tree trimmer come to his house and cut back all the trees in his yard. He lives up in a canyon, a fire-hazard area, and his trees had overgrown so much that his valley view was completely occluded. I have been begging him to have the damn things cut for so long now, I can't remember. It's been at least two years. I am terrified of fire, and the sight of all that overgrowth in his back yard has been stressing me. But I know he's had a lot on his plate and he's been so ill, and this was a low priority for him. But it's finally done, and I am so relieved. He's grumbling about how much it cost, but oh well. If he hadn't let it go so damn long, it wouldn't have been so expensive!

He can't schedule his heart surgery yet. He wants it in March, and his @#$%ing HMO won't schedule March surgeries until February. 

No word yet on when his mother's memorial will be. Meanwhile, we haven't been to his sister's restaurant for lunch for the past two weeks. He texted her, asking if we were still welcome, and she never answered. so we've gone elsewhere. Fine by me -- fuck her, too. 

Saw my doc last Wednesday; it's been nearly three months since my surgery. He was a little concerned that the incision scars are still bright red, when they should be pinkish-white by now. But he said just keep treating them with the scar gel and he'll see me again in a month. Meanwhile, to refresh my memory, he showed me the "before" pictures he took in his office. Blech. One of these days, when I'm finally feeling cheerful again, I'll take some face pictures for you guys so you can see the progress. Right now, I'm just not up for it.

So, that's where I am right now. I guess I should give myself the same advice I would give a friend feeling the same way: Be gentle with myself, do something fun, and hang in there. Oh, and don't watch anything sad. Comedy is the order of the day. Fortunately, what with the movie academy president's horrible gaffe yesterday, there has been plenty of comic fodder. (In case you didn't hear, she was announcing the Academy Award nominees, and when she came to cinematographer Dick Pope, she pronounced it "Dick Poop.")

Have a good weekend, y'all.


  1. Wow, Erica, you are in a bad funk and most likely a good spanking would do wonders. I too have sleep apnea, but I found that the face mask and hose restrict the positions for sleep and the air pump thing is noisy. I stopped using it 18 months ago and all is well. I am one of millions of Americans that have insomnia. Anyway, I hope you get out of this funk and back to your old self.

  2. When I spent two years in Uncle Sams Army as a draftee, we had a saying SNAFU. The letters stand for SITUATION NORMAL ALL FUCKED UP. It seems your ESSAY today to all of us SPANKO's is pretty close to that famous saying. The Beatles once sung a song called "Let it be, Let it be", So my humble advice these days to you Erica, is the same. "Let it be, Let it be". I am sure LIFE can only get BETTER, from here on in. XXX Luv ya.

  3. Let me see, what have I got for you?

    Oh, come on now it can't be that bad. Hell it can't!

    It is always darkest just before the dawn. Trite but untrue.

    You're just being a gloomy Gus. Yes! and with damned good reason.

    Seems I'm a quart low on platitudes and they all came with disclaimers anyway.

    There times when it makes good sense to admit that life can really suck and wallow in the mire...but not for too long.

    Always in your corner rooting you on,

    Anon E. Mouse

  4. Amen to Anon E. Mouse's wise words.
    And oh - I AM looking forward to your pictures! ;-)))

  5. Baxter -- John can't use the oxygen mask because it's bad for his heart. They made a special oral device for him. Insomnia sucks.

    Six -- I know that expression well.

    Mouse -- gotta love platitudes! At least you didn't tell me to turn that frown upside down. :-)

    MrJ -- soon, I promise.

  6. I'm sending you a link to one of my favorite upbeat things: the Macy's Day Parade. (That's Thanksgiving to the rest of you.)

    Put on some Souza, grab a whoopee pie + butterscotch sundae and avoid the sunshine. Pick up a People, draw mustacheos, beards and boobs on all the stars and plan a long nap after a bubbly bath. Turn off the phone ... all the phones.

    Or not. Go for a long power ... walk. Put on a funny hat and comfy shoes, find a little coffee shop you've never been to before and watch the people.


  7. @#$%ing platitudes. We have all said them. "Everything will be ok." "Keep a stiff upper lip." "Don't feel that way." Or one that I absolutely hate: "You don't have anything to cry about." Who says? Ok. This is a bit of rant of my own and I have to say we are entitled to our feelings. I don't like being told to not feel this, that or something else. Hey! I feel things; from elation to depression. From laughter to anger. From joy to disappointment. From feeling a part of to feeling left out.

    Erica, I admire your honesty. You are entitled to feel what you feel. The last couple of months have not been the easiest and there is so much going on it would be a wonder if you posted anything of a more congenial nature. So with that said:

    You rock!

  8. Hi Erica -- Sorry you are feeling down :-( You have every right to feel what you are feeling. In time thing's will get better :-) I been moody,sad,angry etc :-( These past few months hasn't been easy for either one of us.So glad that John is getting the medical help that he needs :-) I can't wait to see your pics.You are a BEAUTIFUL person inside and out :-) Much Love and hugs always from naughty girl Jade/ Emily Jean

  9. I'm glad to hear about John's impending surgery. All the run around will finally be worth it!

  10. Jon -- can I make it a chocolate sundae instead? :-)

    Bobbie Jo -- thank you. ♥

    Jade -- I hope things will get better for both of us.

    Kelly -- gawd, I hope so! Poor guy's been functioning with a semi-functioning heart valve for so long.

  11. Best wishes

    I know the the issues you are facing, hang in there.

    Oh my, life is just a line of shit sometimes and it is all about how we handle it....for me right now I so need to be spanked and to get lost for a while....


  12. It refers to how things can go from great to terrible in a short time.


  13. Hi Erica. Say, I saw you mentioned scar gel above and I was curious what the name of the product is... Is it working any better since? I've got several scars that have persisted a bit and I wondered if the gel really helps or not.

  14. Anonymous -- what I'm using is called BioCorneum. Google it -- it gets very high ratings. My surgeon recommended it. I think my scars are very slowly fading, but it's hard for me to tell, because I look at them every day.