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Friday, May 16, 2014

Dear Tops...

... will some of you please, please learn how to aim??

Before I get into this, I want to make a couple of things very clear. I am not talking about the occasional stray shot that can happen to anyone, especially tops who are new and don't have much experience with implements. Nor am I talking about strikes that go down the thighs -- I realize that some bottoms are into that and in those cases, it's not mis-aim, but deliberate and consensual.

No, I'm talking about the tops who purport themselves to be proficient, but who, in reality, can't hit the side of a barn. But they can hit the side of a hip, or the side of a thigh, or a tailbone, or anywhere else that's not part of the deal.

What brought this on? Recently I saw a photo; I will not say where. It was a fairly typical shot of a woman after a heavy strapping, which was a punishment requested by her. So it wasn't the severity of her marking that I objected to; again, it was consensual. It was the location. The whole of her bottom was red and mottled... but the side of her right hip looked like someone had worked it over with a circular saw.

This wasn't a case of a stray shot. This was wrapping, over and over and OVER. 

Having been wrapped before (once, to the point of bleeding), I know just how deeply painful this is.

Yeah, I know, I can hear some of you saying, "If it was that bad, she should have safe-worded." I'm not getting into that; that's a whole different subject. The top could what was happening. The top could see this uneven wrapping, this blunt force on the side of one hip, not where it's supposed to be. The top can always see when strokes are going astray. It is their responsibility to self-check and adjust.

I realize that, with long, floppy implements such as straps and canes, it takes some practice to get the proper technique down. So practice, dammit. You think that's beneath you, because you're a Domly Dom and you know everything? Newsflash -- the best tops I've known practice their techniques regularly, particularly when using something new. If they don't have a willing partner, then they use pillows/cushions. Wielding an implement is a skill, a learned skill like any other. You don't become a piano virtuoso without practicing your scales first.

Several years ago, I played with a man who claimed to be thoroughly experienced. He seemed to know what he was talking about, so I decided to give him a try. It was a nightmare. He swung at me so wildly and randomly with a wooden spoon, I wound up in tears and ending the scene. Couldn't he see what was happening, for God's sake? Here's how I looked afterward:

That big red circle? That is not my bottom; that is square in the middle of my hip. And those circles farther down on the side of my thigh? How did he even go there?

Worst part of it? He could not understand why I didn't want to play with him again. He thought it was a hot scene.

It's tops like this who make me appreciate the good, caring, careful ones even more. At the other end of the spectrum we have Joe (DrLectr on Fet), who is one of the few tops I would recommend to any woman, anytime. Granted, he lives with the incomparable Ten Amorette and two other spanko bottoms, so he has plenty of opportunity to practice. But none of that would matter if he didn't care enough to perfect his technique. At the 50 Freaks party, as you may recall, he double-strapped me -- using two heavy straps on me at the same time, one in each hand. Considering that I trust very few men with even one strap in their hand, this was huge. And every - single - strike was spot on. Not too high, not too low. No wraps. No tailbone strikes, even with two straps swinging. Make no mistake, the strapping was hard. But it was even, it was safe, and it was sublime. And having been double-strapped by less proficient tops, I can assure you that the experience is a nightmare in the wrong hands.

And while we're on the subject of aim, I still see a predominance of attention to the right cheek. Tops, please. As Ten likes to say, Make It Even. I swear, that needs to be an anthem for all bottoms. If you have your bottom OTK, then shift them forward slightly so you can also get the cheek nearest you. And if they're bent over something and you're standing at their side, then switch sides if at all possible, halfway through. Aim your implement so that the tip strikes the center, or just to the side of center, of the cheek. Line your cane up so that the tip doesn't extend past the hip. And, above all, watch what you're doing. Monitor your bottom's color and marking. If you see you're off, then adjust. If you have a misfire, move on, but don't keep making the same mistake over and over.

Oh, and if you're a top, and while you're reading anything like this, you automatically think or say, "Where does she get off, topping from the bottom like that?" Then I have just one simple request. Please. Stay. The. Fuck. Away. From. Me.

I will end this on a positive note, with a good example. This is Pandora Blake, having just received a caning from Paul Kennedy (another top I would highly recommend). Notice the perfect spacing, the evenness from cheek to cheek, and how the strokes do NOT extend into the hip. These cane marks are a benchmark.

It's an art, people. The bottom is a canvas. You can make a masterpiece of it, or you can make it a lopsided mess.

Have a great weekend, y'all.


  1. I love this...I have always watched a top before I let them use a strap or cane...I have two bad hips and need to be careful....When a top says, I'm an expert etc...Flag goes up until I watch him play first...This writing is a good warning for all to beware and don't go blindly into any implement spanking...Thanks for sharing!.

  2. Nancy -- I know posts like this can ruffle a few feathers, but it's usually the ones of the proud peacocks. :-) Thanks.

  3. Don't neglect the left cheek it needs pain and color too!! :) thanks for the kind words Erica. I miss you!


  4. Jesus Christ! Was your spanking partner blindfolded?
    Dark humor aside, I fail to understand why tops would consider "topping from below" occurring when bottoms request SAFE target striking only. I'm with you if any of them gave ME bad attitude for my requests they need to immediately remove me from their play list!

  5. Kelly -- I know, right? Gawd, I was such a mess after that. And he was totally clueless.


    I could not agree more. Something I pride myself on as a Top is "making it even." On the subject of Drlectr? There is a reason he is a "play partner" to this Top lady ;-)

    Peace & Hugs,
    MaMa Blue

    PS: I was at a party a few months back. Two Tops were strapping a bottom. She said, "Hey, you are wrapping me" to one of them. He kinda laughed & was like,"ok, ok" I watched him as he continued & was so into the thrill of tag-teaming the bottom that he simply STOPPED watching what he was doing AGAIN and wrapped her! She screamed angrily and stormed out. Now sure, no one wants to be the cause of that but take responsibility. So as onlookers just stared & he laughed it off I naturally with my big mouth said, "You were wrapping her. I was watching."

  7. MaMa -- discriminating women know best! :-D And good for you, speaking up at the party. Glad to hear the bottom called the scene off, rather than just enduring it for the sake of saving face.

  8. Yikes! It's amazing how people aren't capable of distinguishing between a butt and thigh. I do NOT like being hit on the outter sides of my thighs or on my hip at all. It's basically scene kill because then I'll spend the rest of the time worrying that it'll happen again.

    I think some of that wrapping comes from men trying to hit too hard without first learning accuracy. YS doesn't hit me harder with certain things because he feels like the force makes them too unwieldy.

    Also, why is it so hard for people to realize that there are TWO cheeks to a bottom?

  9. Beth -- good point. Those shots yank me right out of subspace, and then I spend the rest of the scene steeling myself for more of the same. Not fun at all.

    And yes, I've been to known to yell out, a time or two (even on video): "I have TWO cheeks, dammit!"

  10. One very good reason I chose to see the top I have and she is very skilled! As I am just beginning to learn how to be a top, it will be a long time before I do any strapping unless it is with a very short, otk one. Even then, wrapping can occur if you are not careful.

    There are those out there who think they are so good their brain is made of watermelon! We do not have to put up with them!

    Very good post, Erica! Right on!

  11. Bobbie Jo -- you chose one of the best, that's for sure!

  12. Yes. A bottom is a canvas. And spanking is a craft.
    May be we need a guild. Spanko´s could grow from apprentice to / ahem / master if the exercise enough. Or be thrown out, if they don´t. I would love to have that certificate above my bed.

  13. Thanks you for a post like this. I am very new to the scene and have only been topped by one person several times and I took my time in chiding the person. Now I now I have to be even choosier(is that a word). I depend one you guys who have been around awhile to teach me through your blogpost what I need to know. So thank you again.

  14. Totally agree. Mind you, it was being taken to StrictDave's spanking course at FMS (on charges of topping from the bottom, of which I was totally guilty, though the guy in my case was tap-tap-gentle rather than bad-pain-wrapping) that led to a couple of awesome scenes with the lovely Dave. But these days I am choosier than ever about who I play with. Hope you're well, Erica! Still love occasionally reminding myself of that scene with Dave from your blog post. Catherine x

  15. *spanking court. Not course. Grrr.

  16. Renee -- thanks! :-D

    MrJ -- I like that idea!

    Anonymous -- yes, choosier is definitely a word, and a good thing to be.

    Catherine -- oh my goodness, I remember that scene at FMS! The whole room stopped to watch. :-)

    1. Ha! It was awesome. I just wish I hadn't been quite so out of it when you came up to chat afterwards, would have liked to get to know you! I finally got to play with Dave again at BBW this year btw, and we ended up playing a totally different (but just as fun) type of scene because I didn't want it to compete with *that* one. :-) x

  17. In total agreement! This is something I've been thinking about a lot recently, so nice to see it written out so thoughtfully. Those cane marks are just gorgeous...if only everyone was that talented in using it.


  18. A couple questions for Erica and other experienced bottoms. Since the new top has to learn technique somewhere on a live person, beyond practicing on pillows, do you ever play with such a newbie if they seem to have the right attitude and are capable of listening to you and adjusting accordingly? How would that apprentice top move on?

  19. EM -- I wish that too! Caning is such an art, and can be so wretched in the wrong hands.

    Anonymous -- I think this question deserves attention! I will post it as a follow-up in a future blog.

  20. Hi Erica -- Thanks for sharing this, it is very interesting and helpful :-) OMG what the hell was wrong with that top, I agree with Kelly,he must of been blind folded or he was blind altogether, Sorry you had to go through all that :-( Your poor body was so marked up and bruised OUCH. I hate it when someone wraps a belt that SUCKS. Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

  21. Jade -- it's ok. I healed. ;-)

  22. Pandora Blake's bottom is perfect. One could write sentences on those lines. I’m envious!

    I've been wrapped. God is it ever painful.

    How can one miss with a spoon? For Christ sake, this ain't the Iron Chef. What was that top doing, text messaging at the same time? You poor thing! You should have kicked his ass!

    One reason why I don't like to top is that I would have to concentrate, and that means no mind wandering, something difficult to do with ADD.

  23. AP -- I wanted to, believe me. Especially later when he asked to play again and was flabbergasted when I said no.