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Friday, November 15, 2013

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 11/15

It's been forever since I did one of these. The tidbits of idiocy are coming fewer and farther between these days; I suppose I should be grateful, huh? After all, I've seen enough of this nonsense to last a lifetime! But still, I miss doing this column. Everything's a trade-off, I suppose.

Can I can over and spank and cum

No, no, and no. And how does one "can over," anyway?

This was a comment to a photo on FetLife where it was quite clear that I'd enjoyed my spanking:

I love the damp spot. I'm not a gynaecologist but I'd be willing to to take a look to see where it is coming from!

Poor dear. Apparently you don't know where it's coming from, because no woman who's ever been with you has experienced any noticeable dampness. I'd explain it to you, but really, I can't be bothered. :-)

I am drug and decease free.

Good to know. I don't want to play with dead people. 

I could be your slave. Yes. And spamk you. Be owned by you. Orally please you

(sigh) Yet another one who doesn't get the concept of topping and bottoming. You want to orally please me? Stop talking.

An exchange on Alt last night:

Him: You've done films?
Me: You mean spanking videos? Yes, many.
Him: Ever play a baby?

Um. OK, I'm fully aware that there is an Adult Baby fetish. But me playing a baby wouldn't be suspending disbelief -- it would be blowing it to smithereens. I think I'd be the first AB with age spots and an AARP card. 

And finally, my favorite. From a 22-year-old.

You seem like a crusty old slut that needs a nice young wiener to get diddled with. Let me know!

Crusty? Crusty?? Well, butter my buns and call me sourdough.

Thank you for the offer. If I ever have the mad desire to get diddled for about 30 seconds (because that's how long your young wiener will last), I'll let you know.

So Hell Week is over. Things are a bit better. After spending a combined $2600 on my tooth and my car, I was extremely grateful when John, bless his heart, insisted on paying for the root canal. Speaking of which, it still hurts like hell and I can't chew on that side, but that will fade after a while. And yesterday, my spirits were lifted greatly when I had a nice long girlie lunch with Alex and SpankCake. I really do need more in-person girlfriend time; I forget just how special and nurturing it is. ♥

Have a great weekend, y'all.


  1. I would HATE to see the family trees of those imbeciles. But YES. It has been way too long since you've posted a CHOS.
    Too bad AARP cards can't pay for spanking travels, huh?

  2. I think if you tried to say these idiots' family trees are apes you would insult the apes! Thanks for the good laugh. I always enjoy these.

    That is so sweet of John! And seeing your gal friends is special, fun, and healthy. Glad you had a great time with them.

  3. Kelly -- family trees spawn a lot of nuts. And yes, that would be a nice perk! Right now, I just get stupid discounts like coffee at Denny's.

    Bobbie Jo -- yes, he's very good to me. ♥

  4. Erica, they say truth is stranger than fiction. I am sure you couldn't make up this correspondence that you get. I thought this column of Correspondence Hall of Shame was to funny for words. Great column Erica, Great column. XXX Luv ya

  5. Six -- you're right. I do possess a degree of creativity, but there's no way I could make this stuff up.

  6. Hi Erica -- OMG LOL :-) Thanks for making me laugh I needed that. John is AWESOME and so are you :-) Wishing you and John a GREAT weekend.Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

  7. I did have to smile about the "crusty" comment. I guess better crusty than moldy!


  8. Jade -- thanks, hon.

    Pam -- (snort) Count my blessings, huh?

  9. I always enjoy your CHoS. hope the root Canal pain fades soon.

  10. Erica,

    I think those are your best comebacks, ever! And yes to more girl time...always! :)


  11. Erica, the CHoS is a double edged sword, or should that be a double edged paddle or cane? While it is fun for you and especially your readers to enjoy their idiocy and lack of any social graces, and then the way you slice and dice them with your fabulous comebacks, it may not be worth the lessening of our humanity by being exposed to their crass stupidity.
    Just saying is all. :-)

  12. That was really funny. Too bad you have to deal with those type low class comments but thanks for turning into something funny and sharing that. Perhaps you could turn this into a more frequent column. Very very funny comebacks. Thanks.

  13. The young wiener one bothered me a lot. I know grammarians say that it's now ok to end a sentence with a preposition, but as is, it's god awful awkward. And to compound that with ending the sentence with a makes my red pen twitch!

  14. Thanks for the laugh. Lunch with SC and Alex?. Lucky you.


  15. There are some princes, aren't there? Lucky you. :P

  16. SC -- yayy! ♥

    Michael -- oh dear. (hanging head) I never thought of that. Can I make a retroactive apology that goes back several years? :-)

    Anonymous -- actually, it was a regular column for many years. But then the cretins were onto me and I don't get as many of those messages as I used to. :-)

    Anonymous2 -- ha! You must be a proofreader, like me.

    joey -- I am... they were great fun. :-)

    Ana -- (snort) Yes, I thank my lucky stars every day. ;-)

  17. I do not know if I am taking Jethro & friends the wrong way, but I had trouble stopping from laughing reading what those poor idiots wrote. Have any of them gone out and met women or do they sit home, watch low grade porno films and play with themselves?
    Sad, really.

  18. These people never cease to amaze me. Just when I think I couldn't be shocked by these types of comments any longer, I am usually proven wrong. I got these types of messages routinely when I was on a huge Erotica site with my stories. It was really creepy!

  19. Erica,
    Great to see your CHoS again, (I got a few laugh's), sorry to see you are still dealing with nuts out there.
    Take Care,

  20. John -- no wrong way to take it, really. It is funny AND sad.

    Sarah -- I guess it's impossible to develop complete immunity!

    Milt -- eh, it's OK. It makes for an amusing blog! :-)

  21. Too funny. I actually love when you post like this, thanks

  22. Ron -- I will again as soon as I get more material. :-)

  23. Hi Erica,

    I'm delighted to see CHoS back again.

    Um, shouldn't that be "spamk ... pwned"? If you're a crap typist, at least get the typos right:)


  24. Hermione -- it was definitely fun to do again. And yes, one should be consistent in one's idiocy. :-)

  25. Here's what bothered me the most of these comments: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY past the age of nine ought to be referring to their oogly bits as a 'weiner.' -Mike

  26. Mike -- but they can say "oogly bits"? ;-)

  27. Omg, what are these people thinking? I don't play with dead people. *snort*

  28. Lea -- they aren't thinking. Not with their brains, anyway. :-)

  29. Too funny! You truly are beautiful Erica and I really enjoy your videos but only because you enjoy a good spanking simply because spanking is fun and a turn on. I think some folks mean well but perhaps should keep their trap shut. :)


  30. Edgar -- yes, that would probably be best. :-) And thank you!

  31. Somehow this has been sitting around unread forever (well, since November anyway).

    "Deceased"? <>