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Thursday, November 7, 2013

"What are you thinking?"

Anyone who has played with me, or knows even a little about me, knows that I am not a quiet bottom. But I'm not talking about the obvious (my big sassy mouth and all that comes out of it). I mean my sounds. The sounds I make when I'm beyond talking, when I'm getting into the zone.

When that absolutely perfect strike happens, when everything comes together (the right spot, the right sound, the right amount of impact), I have been known to let out something that's a combination of a groan, a moan and a howl. It's pure pain and pleasure interwoven. And even though my top doesn't get to see my face, it looks something like this:

(The above is not a posed photo, it's a screen capture from one of our videos. So that is a very real face.)

Steve is fascinated by this sound. "What are you thinking about when you do that? What's going through your mind?" he asks.

I can't answer. I say I don't know.

"You're the writer! You have the words for everything!" he protests.

Perhaps. But I can't really articulate what I'm thinking at that moment. Because I'm not thinking. I'm purely feeling. For once, I'm completely out of my head and all is visceral. That sound comes from deep within my gut, not from my brain.

It's kind of like trying to describe what you're thinking when you're having an orgasm. Because you're not thinking. Well, I'm not, anyway. I'm thoroughly surrendering to the rush of feeling, riding the pleasure waves. 

Can any of you describe what you're thinking during a spanking, when you've gotten to the point where your mind shuts off, when the nattering and protesting and traffic cease and you've gone to a different place? Or are you like me, simply feeling, with no words to adequately describe your state of being?

I can use adjectives, like the well-worn "intense." But I cannot for the life of me articulate where the moan comes from. 


  1. Erica, when I spank a woman on her bare bottom, I feel sexually erotic at its height. For me its heavenly ecstasy. I am sure Erica as a BOTTOM, your sexual erotic sense, must find itself likewise, even though you might not find the words to express it so at that given moment.. XXX Luv ya.

  2. Hey SEXY face!!!

    I think I stay in a combo of sass mode along with the pleased groans and heavier breathing. Even though most of my spankings are non sexually motivated for me, it's funny that my reactions are similar to orgasm sounds-especially the light sweating and panting sounds. This happens when I'm near or at the most intense/painful phase of my spankings. I don't think my mind has ever truly shut down. Far along I do tend to stop mouthing off and just "take" a few super hard smacks in silence. I'm sure my tops appreciate that consideration-no matter how short lived! LOL!!!

  3. Hi Erica -- I like that pic it's priceless :-) I haven't had a spanking in a very long time :-( but when I do it feels like pure bliss :-) I have a very sassy mouth too LOL. I take a few painful smacks in silence,So that way I can take in and absorb the pain,I really want to experience sub space someday :-) That would be totally COOL :-) Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

  4. Erica,

    I just finished taking a mindfulness course and found many of the concepts to fit really well within what a spanking can be like for me when I reach that point you're describing. That isn't a helpful answer in terms of supplying a description, but I think the point was to be wholly in the moment & not judging/overthinking our responses.

    That said, if I try to describe it, I am usually noticing the force/pain of the impact, then releasing that energy in exchange for an inner calmness/peace.

  5. Six -- that's definitely a factor, yes.

    Alexis -- ha! Takes a lot to shut us up, huh?

    Jade -- subspace is beautiful.

    tkl -- makes sense. When I stop thinking, that's a good thing. I spend way too much time in my head, overthinking things.

  6. I certainly don't have words for what I'm thinking in that moment. I've tried several times to describe the feelings from an intense scene, but I wouldn't even attempt to put what I was thinking.

    Of course, if you've read any of the side-by-side write ups Craig and I do after a scene, you'll notice that I sometimes can't even describe what he did. I'm frequently surprised when I read his side of a scene, because I've no idea what implements he was using. But I think I go someplace beyond traditional thoughts and words, to a place of feeling, soaring, and bliss.

  7. Lizzie -- exactly. Because I'm kinda OCD, I do remember details of the scene -- what was used, certain things that were said, etc. I'm always planning a blog in my head. But describing that feeling, at that moment? Can't do it.

  8. I've been thinking about this post since I first read it and I'm not sure if I have an answer for exactly the reason that you stated: because I'm not thinking, only feeling.

    For me, there's an identifiable point which I pass during a very intense spanking at which point I stop being coherent. At first, my cries and protests are based on words: I actually say "Ow!" after most blows near the start of a spanking and I can freely converse with my Top, but there's a point at which "ow!" turns to "mmmmmrrrrrgggghhhhhwwwaaaa!" or something and if you prompt me to speak,I may seem to be refusing but I actually just can't, really. I can sometimes repeat phrases or say things that are lacking in normal English syntax, but I can't really communicate at this point. Trying to do so takes me out of the deep chambers of my mind in which I'm floating around and kills the moment. Even in less serious (but still hard) scenes, speaking is difficult for me and this shows up on film sometimes: I've seen videos where I've kind of yelled "I can't talk!" when someone interrogated me while spanking me particularly hard.
    Whatever it is, the deep (and very positive) place that I can go to during a scene is somehow not connected to language. This makes it impossibly difficult for me to describe because even in retrospect, I can't seem to use my words as a tool to dissect that feeling.

  9. Alex -- we are a lot alike that way, I think. We are both articulate people, but that requires brain action, and our brains sort of shut off and surrender at a certain point during a spanking.

    I learned something very valuable from you, BTW. When I sometimes find my head still nattering during a scene and I want it to stop, I will see and hear your words: "Be here, now." It helps.

    1. It makes me really happy that that idea has been helpful to you! :D

  10. Your description of feeling and not thinking is probably about as accurate as you can be. It's like the always popular question of what subspace is like. Most can't answer that in a way that will make sense to anyone who hasn't experienced it for themselves.

  11. Lea -- also like trying to describe an orgasm. You just can't.