This post was inspired by something a friend put up on FetLife a few weeks ago: A list of "non-impact punishments." In other words, for those who love spanking and other impact play so much that it can't be considered disciplinary, these are alternatives.
We've all heard of these. Some of the more familiar non-impact punishments are writing lines, corner time, grounding/withdrawing privileges, soap in the mouth, figging (shudder). Mind you, I'm not into the punishment thing. I like the pretense of it, but I know I'm not kidding anyone; I love spanking and everything to do with it, not true punishment. Just the idea of some of these things really pisses me off! Anyone who comes near me with a bar of soap will be blowing bubbles out their ass. Bedtime?? Bite me. And if you even think about using that ginger for anything except that yummy chicken/snow pea stir-fry, you're history.
However, I had to giggle at the creativity of my friend's list. A lot of it was tongue-in-cheek, with suggestions like "wet willies" and "take away one of her shoes and make her walk around for a while." But one in particular brought back a hilarious memory.
"Have them learn a song and sing it in front of you (or in front of like-minded friends."
(Some of you have heard this story before; I believe I posted it way back on my old MSN forum. My apologies.)
A few years back, I was playing with a rather creative top, who (besides being a formidable spanker who could make me say "mercy" with his hand alone) had some very persuasive methods of getting his way. As a result, he and I often engaged in a public battle of wills on my message board. The payback for my pranks was intense, but always worth it.
Very long story short, because of a comment someone else made to him about being a "weenie," his nickname on my forum became "wiener boy." Or "Oscar Mayer." I (and a couple of other women on the forum) tormented him with this. I even found a photo of a pair of men's briefs, decorated with little hot dogs, and posted it, claiming that's what he wore. (I tried to find that photo again but couldn't, dammit.) He swore vengeance, but I just laughed.
Cut to the upcoming Shadow Lane party. A couple of weeks prior, I got an email from him, entitled Instructions. Opening it, I discovered there was an attachment, along with directions. I was to learn this song by heart, and sing it to him at the party. When I opened the attachment, I damn near died.
It was the lyrics to the "Oscar Mayer Wiener" theme song.
In Spanish. Holy frijoles.
He went on to say that I wouldn't have to sing it in front of anyone else, just him in private, but he'd be spanking me the whole time, so I'd better damn well learn it correctly.
"What happens if I don't?" I typed in my reply email.
His terse response: "You won't like it."
Ugh. I wasn't about to test him. I knew how hard he could play. So I printed out those stupid lyrics and practiced them, over and over until I had them committed to memory. Still, I brought the sheet with me to Shadow Lane so I could refer to them, just to be sure. I had John test me. Of course, he thought this was hysterical.
My friend kept his word about not making me sing it publicly, and on Sunday night (after I stewed about it all weekend), he had me come to his room. He set me up over his lap on the bed, surrounded by implements, and started spanking. "OK, let's hear it," he commanded.
Mind you, it was the end of a party weekend, and I was sore as hell. It was very difficult to recall -- let alone sing -- that damn song with pain exploding across every brain cell. But sing it I did. Without muffing a single word.
"I'm impressed!" he marveled, pausing in his flurries. "That was perfect! I almost hate to keep punishing you, since you did that so well."
Of course, the key word was almost.
"Sorry, this needs to go on a bit longer," he then said, starting up again. "Sing something else. Sing a Beatles song." He knew that was my favorite band, as it was his as well.
Thought he had me there, the big jerk! But I showed him. A Beatles song, huh? OK. He didn't specify which one, so I chose "Her Majesty." Which just happens to be 30 seconds long.
As I sputtered out "gottagetabellyfullofwine," I'm sure it was even shorter than 30 seconds.
He laughed. He'd been had, and he knew it. So he stopped. In my state of extreme soreness, I was deeply grateful for his good sportsmanship. :-D
(And the joke was on him, double -- anyone who has to listen to me sing is the one being punished!!)
Anyone else have any stories of extra creative spankings/punishments?
Another great read, Erica. I prefer giving good girl spankings and funishment type activities. A list of horrible non impact options hopefully keeps me from every having to resort to them. Big hugs & keep singing!
ReplyDeleteKinkyCoach
Hi Erica -- I really enjoyed this :-) That punishment was so creative LOL, I can't think of any extra creative punishments at the moment, :-( but I have had corner time and early bedtime and writing lot's of lines, I hate writing lines because my hand and wrist got tired and it felt like they were broken :-( Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade
ReplyDeleteMay I suggest as a next option that you post YOUR taped singing here?
ReplyDeleteKC -- that list elicited quite the variety of reactions, as I recall! ;-)
ReplyDeleteJade -- No lines for me. I'd type one and then copy and paste it. :-)
MrJ -- LOL. No!
Nothing anywhere NEAR entertaining as what you endured.
ReplyDeleteI found some Spankfinder contacts a few years ago. This person who evidently was looking for a sub told me besides spanking she was known to concoct "clever" non-spanking punishments. Beside having an ego the size of Alaska this broad was fond of ordering her subs to wash her floor on their hands and knees and also administering enemas (catching them completely off guard) in her bathroom.
Kelly -- remind me to tell you what one pro domme made her client do with her cell phone when it rang during a session (after she'd told her to turn it off). ;-)
ReplyDeleteOff guard enemas?? Hmmm. Sounds like washing the floor would be a necessity. (ugh)
I'm in a different space entirely. I can tell you right now that I would not comply with any of those things that are listed. I'm strictly not into any form of punishment. If a top told me to do what that one told you to do, I wouldn't so it. Period. I also would not allow them to spank me. Of course, I don't think I would engage in that kind of teasing, either. I do kid a bit, but not that way. It's not my thing.
ReplyDeleteI guess I have very strong feelings about the whole idea of punishment. I am just not into that on any level. My spanking desires are for stress and pain relief, and therapeutic reasons. Yeah, kind of boring to some, I suppose.
I hope everyone who loves that top/bottom banter has fun with it and those into the punishment side of it, go for it.
And if you even think about using that ginger for anything except that yummy chicken/snow pea stir-fry, you're history.
ReplyDelete^this is my favorite one liner ever!!!!!
*otkdesire
Great and fun post, thanks. You are just awesome
ReplyDeleteAlways
Ron
Bobbie Jo -- different strokes, as they say. I love the pretense of punishment, because I love to tease and banter. But for real? Not my thing. But for others, it works.
ReplyDeleteOtkD -- LOL... well, ya know, that area is exit only, thankyouverymuch. :-)
Ron -- thanks!
I totally agree!
ReplyDeleteotkdesire
I hadn't read that story before, and I loved it! Why on earth would he make you sing it in Spanish? He really was a formidable top. Good for you for thinking on your, um, whatever and coming up with such a short song.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Hermione
This post really brought back an old memory. I vaguely remember, after reading this, a photo of you and a friend dressed as a ketchup bottle and a mustard jar. Don't remember any of the surrounding story details, just seeing that photo many years ago. Made me smile with that memory. (Also made me miss your old MSN board; I loved the interaction there). Thanks for retelling the story.
ReplyDeletePam
My mother told me that one of the first things I said as a toddler, was "Mommy, please don't sing!" Now, anyone I let listen to me sing in the car, has to be very special--like John. Neither of us can sing, unfortunately, but it doesn't stop me from trying when I'm alone, lol.
ReplyDeleteHermione -- I guess he thought that would make it extra challenging to learn and remember (which it certainly was). :-D
ReplyDeletePam -- yes!! It was a Halloween party and my two friends and I knew he'd be there. We dressed up as a hot dog, a ketchup bottle and a mustard bottle and came as the Wienerettes. :-D Good memory!
Dana -- I love to sing in the car, but I try not to torment anyone else with it. John can't sing either; he is completely tone-deaf. Steve, however, has a beautiful voice. I need to get him to sing to me more often. :-)
I've never heard that story of yours before. Too funny! I've written a few silly songs to S before and the last time I did, he made me sing it while he was spanking me. You remember the Barney song? "I love you, you love me.." One was a parody of that.
ReplyDeleteI love you, you love me
You're a jerkface usually
With a paddle in your hand making me squirm on the bed
Oh nooo, you spanked my bottom red
It ended up appropriate. ;-)
Lea -- ROFL!!! Love it. I can picture that scene perfectly. :-D P.S. I'll have another song parody coming soon.
ReplyDelete