Before I get into this -- I know I've been going a bit video happy in the past couple of weeks. Mostly because now, I can. When I still had my old, slow, overloaded computer, I couldn't add Mr. D's video clips. If I tried to, they wouldn't play properly and they wouldn't upload elsewhere. But now, everything is screaming fast and I can load them and share them with ease.
Since I've been doing so, I've noticed something interesting: While my blog views have increased dramatically, my comments have decreased. I wonder why that is. (I wish the @#$%ing spam would decrease! Still have that in abundance.)
Anyway, in this video odyssey, I've also noticed this: There is something about tears, about a spankee crying, that resonates like nothing else. I think I've always known this, but never had it spelled out so clearly as I did this week.
A couple of days ago, I posted two clips on FetLife and Spanking Tube. The first one was the one I also posted here: the silly, funny one with lots of laughing and banter, where Mr. D is quizzing me. The second was much more serious: it was the very end of that same scene, where he was caning me and I was openly weeping. It was short, just under three minutes, and had the lovely dichotomy of Mr. D being tender and kind verbally while physically inflicting pain.
Personally, while I like both, I prefer the funny one. I like scenes with sass and lively exchange and some laughs (as long as the spanking is still authentic). So I was amazed at the reaction to the one with tears.
On FetLife, you can can comment on a video or a photo, and you can also "love" it (similar to the Like function on Facebook). My humorous video, so far, has gotten 11 comments and 20 loves. And the crying one? It has 28 comments and 74 loves.
On Spanking Tube, it's a little more balanced: the funny one is "favorited" 20 times; the crying one, 27. But some of the comments have been amazing, particularly for a site that is known for meanness. A couple of people have said this is one of the best clips they've ever seen.
So why is this? While it's poignant, I don't think it's exceptional as scenes go; it's short, it's one angle, etc. It must be the tears. Is it tears in general, or is it my tears, because I'm known for being such a smartass?
I know some folks fetishize tears -- it's called dacryphilia. I'd say that's fairly common in the spanking scene. But what's the ratio? How many people who like scenes with crying are being emotionally moved vs. being turned on?
I have mixed feelings about watching scenes with tears. As far as I am concerned, there are good tears and bad tears. I've watched scenes where the top is yelling and acting like a brute and the bottom is sobbing, and I have turned them off in the middle. But if the bottom's tears appear to be of catharsis rather than a pained and frightened reaction to harsh treatment, then I melt. In some ways, a scene with crying is more about the top than the bottom, for me.
I'll let you guys be the judge. Here's the clip with tears. If you don't like that sort of thing, please don't watch. But for those who do, I'm curious -- what is it about tears? Do share.
You may have it pegged right about the popularity of YOUR tears due to your terrific usually sassy style.
ReplyDeleteI expect I'm a rarety for my preference and I hate to be contrary on the subject but I DON'T like seeing tears in videos. I don't like for myself to cry most of the time either and I rarely feel the urge to let them spill. But I'm not opposed to watching videos where they occur,I just prefer watching ones where feistier bottoms prevail with smart assed commentary, defiance, etc. vs ones who are fearful of the top and or even faking tears just to sell videos.
I ABSOLUTELY do not think you do that. I know your reactions are 100% authentic whatever they are. I've just become VERY cynical over my video watching years and have seen many great, believable reactions and some...NOT so great!
I think it really depends on the kind of crying, like you said. If someone is bawling their eyes out in pain or they're crying because their scared then I get upset because that's awful. The tears of catharsis, I like because I really want that for myself, so I like seeing other people have those moments? I'm not really sure but I love when tops talk in that soothing manner while they're spanking, it makes me feel safe, even though I'm not the spankee, lol.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kelly in that seeing someone who is normally so sassy be so vulnerable is what makes the clip so different. I only like to see videos with cleansing and cathartic tears mainly because of the Top/bottom dynamic that occurs. The Top is trying to help the bottom feel release, not harm them. That dynamic is definitely present in this video, and it is so sweet to see how caring he is!
ReplyDeleteAnnie
Erica
ReplyDeleteFirst off another amzing post and so thought provoking. I usually do not take to spanking clips with tears but feeling like I know you and your spanker, it was beautiful!
What I love is your description of one minute you are teasing him and laughing together and he is spanking....but then the same two people then share the intimacy of a tears flowing, just lovely my dear.
Now I also will comment has not happened a lot to me but when I have shed tears, it just adds to the cleansing of the spanking, feels so nice to let go with someone who cares about you and who has spanked you. It is an amazing place to go.
Wonderful post, thank you.
Always
Ron
PS: Plus that cane must have hurt like heck, ouch!
Personally, I like both - it really depends on my mood as to which kind of video that I look for.
ReplyDeleteI do like the fun banter, with wise ass comments sometimes, and other times I like tearful ones. I also hate the ones where the spanking just seems mean.. and the top is yelling, and seemingly spanking too recklessly. The top has to be dominant, but controlled in my book, and respectful.
otkdesire
Kelly -- I think it's about mood. Sometimes you want a comedy, sometimes you want a drama. But yes, it has to be real.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous -- the top's demeanor is everything, isn't it?
Annie -- he is very caring, with everyone. Great with his kids, etc. It's quite lovely. :-)
Ron -- that cane is mean; it's thick, so it's thuddy. You're right -- it's an amazing place to go, that place of release.
otkd -- gawd, yes. Control is everything. For me too, the top has to be measured and have a calm demeanor.
This is my own personal view: I sometimes view crying as associated with that moment where pain and pleasure emerge into a cathartic outpouring. I appreciate it if I believe the crying person has found pleasure from the pain. I do not enjoy it if I believe the person is only feeling pain.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous -- that certainly makes sense to me.
ReplyDeleteErica, spankings, are usually associated with corporal punishment, as such shedding tears would somehow be most appropriate, for such proceedings. because of the PAIN element.
ReplyDeleteI watched both videos, and like both. There's so much emotion here (I was riveted), a different type of emotion than is often seen on spanking vids. And, I noticed all the nice comments on spankingtube!
ReplyDeleteAs I watched this, I began to get tears in my eyes. Mr. D is so caring in the way he takes care of you. Very poignant.
ReplyDeleteAs for tears in general, to have a catharsis, it takes a caring top to know just how to bring it about and also the top needs to have control, not just of the spanking, but of themselves. In my own experience, my top knows when I am getting close to a cathartic release and her skill of achieving that breakthrough is amazing. I think the connection goes deeper at that point.
Six -- well, actually, I don't cry from the pain, unless I'm hurt and upset, and that means something has gone wrong. It's all about my head space and emotions.
ReplyDeleteLiz -- maybe our genuine friendship shows through; I think that adds something to videos when the players really like one another.
Bobbie Jo -- you certainly have one of the best tops ever, so you know you're in wonderful hands! :-)
Don't like to see too many tears from a harsh punishment but yours are showing that you are getting into the cane strokes in a sincere fashion. Your videos are the tops- honest and sincere and just right.
ReplyDeleteThanks for letting us see them.
I recently watched Erica laughing as she was spanked for not having fully memorised her tops preferences. I enjoyed seeing her laugh. I enjoyed watching her here in tears too. If the top had been one of those pathetic and domineering morons, neither scene would have worked for me. As for why the tears move me, as an observer: I think that wetness in the eyes is a complement to wetness between the thighs i.e. she is ready now for love.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've seen a video with tears before. I don't watch many, and they usually seem staged. This one was genuine, and I agree it's more about the top. He saw your tears, yet he continued, but always carefully judging your reactions. The amount of caressing he did to your bottom was double the amount of actual caning. That was amazing! He's a keeper.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Hermione
Michael -- thank you so much. They are fun to share. :-)
ReplyDeleteAnonymous -- pathetic and domineering morons? I know nothing of these! (cough)
Hermione -- he is, isn't he. :-) Thanks.
In a scene, I find tears moving when they reflect true surrender and/or relief.
ReplyDeleteMrJ -- absolutely.
ReplyDeleteI honestly prefer tears-- I think it goes to the same reason why I find non-consensual spanking fiction hotter than consensual-- there's a great "risk" level there. In this case it's the emotional risk.
ReplyDeleteRenee -- I definitely like the non-consensual types of scenes too (as long as I keep somewhere in my mind that they really are consensual).
ReplyDeleteHi Erica -- I totally agree with you about the tears.All your posts are great.I am VERY sad at the moment :-( my aunt Louann passed away this afternoon at 1 she went peacefully and with no pain.I am devastated,I love her and miss her so much.CANCER SUCKS.I want everything the way it,used to be,but I know nothing will ever be the same again.I am heartbroken.Please keep me in your thoughts.Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade
ReplyDeleteJade -- I'm so sorry for your loss. You can write to me privately about this.
ReplyDeleteI watched both of your newest videos and discovered an interesting thing. The rule of thumb for me is that usually sincere tears evoke much more of an emotional response within me. However, I have never watched a video of a friend's tears, and seeing you cry (even though Mr. D was truly caring and it was definitely a positive cathartic release for you) was very hard for me to watch. It didn't feel like entertainment. It almost felt like a cross between intrusive and unsettling.
ReplyDeletePam
Pam -- aw, I'm sorry. Too close for comfort, huh? You know, I've had other friends make similar comments in the past, watching me endure a hard scene. One said she actually yelled at the screen, "OK, Danny, that's ENOUGH!" And I had a friend cry at a party when she saw me taking a hard spanking. I guess it's different when the objectivity of the casual observer is removed. ♥
ReplyDeleteI read an article recently that some women cry while some do not. According to the psychologist conducting the research it is healthy and releasing for a woman to cry. It releases chemicals in the brain allowing long ago repressed feelings to be released. So I would recommend allowing yourself to cry hard if needed. Allow the stresses of life and long ago issues to be released. It is nothing to be ashamed of and you will feel better because of it. Husbands, if your wife does cry you must when finished with her discipline hold her close and let her cry for as long as needed. A nice hot bubble bath afterward will help her relax even more and feel good on her bottom. Remember this is for her not you.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous -- amen!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteHey Erica, new follower here! I love your blog! I just found about you and your blog here after watching your video's on ST. You are an excellent writer. In my opinion, crying or showing that kind of raw emotion is absolutely beautiful! For those of us who may tend to shy away from having, but still wanting/needing experiences like that, watching you can be both comforting and fulfilling in many ways when the punishment is carried out thoroughly (with loving aftercare shown) by someone who is looking out for your well being.
-Sammie :-)
Sammie -- hi, and welcome! I hope you come back often. I'm happy to hear that sort of scene resonates; I did want everyone to see for themselves what kind of top I have. Describing him is one thing, but showing him is even better. :-)
ReplyDeleteErica, A year or so ago you posted a video that ended with very real emotion and tears from you. It was the most powerful video I've ever seen. I think for many people, the connection that occurs between Top/bottom when there is real emotion, the release that tears can bring, the caring and feeling the top feels at that time... is deep down - truly what we seek. Watching that video broke my heart in a way, but made me feel wonderful at the same time. Thank you for that. ` Tom
ReplyDeleteTom -- I had forgotten about that! That was with ST, my top before Mr. D, and he was taking me to task for something real. Thank you for the reminder; that too was very powerful for me.
ReplyDeleteThe clip wouldn't load on my browser. :-/ I do like watching the fun sassy banter but tears can be so real and it's like peeking in on someone's dynamic up close and personal to watch something like that. There are a lot of people who wish they COULD cry from a spanking so maybe that is part of the allure.
ReplyDeleteLea -- ah, crap. Maybe if you go directly to Spanking Tube? http://www.spankingtube.com/video/35882/tears-ii
ReplyDeleteYou share everything about yourself while losing none of your dignity and gaining our respect. Could it be that an underlying emotional state contributed more to the tears than the pain?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous -- absolutely yes. And thank you.
ReplyDeleteWhen you write a book (you will--if you have not already--) you will have much to share and teach about the courage to love and to enjoy life in the face of the suffering and heartbreaks we all must share. I look forward to that book.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous -- actually, I have. It's called "Late Bloomer" and it came out in 2011. You'll find a link to it in the right column, if you're interested. :-)
ReplyDelete