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Monday, May 6, 2013

Nervous Nellie

Yes, that's been me the past few days. It's so much fun being neurotic, I'm telling you. 

Last week, we had three separates wildfires blazing, and they worsened as the temperatures climbed into the 90s and the winds picked up. None of them was near me or near John, but still. When it's fire season, I get this general, free-floating anxiety. I am so utterly terrified of fire, it's ridiculous. By Friday, I was jumping out of my skin. Add to that some worry over a scary drama that's going on with FetLife and some of my friends, and I was juggling a few jobs and fretting over which one I should do first, and I was a basket case by the time I left for John's Friday evening. I have two ginormous bruises on my left leg from two separate instances of walking into things.

It didn't help that when I walked out of my apartment and into the hallway, there was a strong smell of smoke. Be reasonable, Erica. It's a barbecue. There are no smoke alarms going off anywhere. Still, I walked all around the courtyard and up and down the alley, looking for a barbecue and saw none. So what did I do? I called and left a message with the building manager, just as a fail-safe. Because in my state, I was convinced that if I left for the weekend, I'd come home to smoldering ruins. Yes, I am certifiable.

Aggghhh. Fortunately, John knows how I get, and he did his best to calm and distract me. We had a nice weekend and he made me laugh a lot. I swear, I cannot take that man anywhere. We went to Whole Foods, and the cashier checking out our groceries had black, white-blond and green hair. John nonchalantly asked her, "So, is that your real hair color?" !!! "JOHN!" I screeched, mortified, but she just laughed, shrugged and said she doesn't remember what her real color is! He gets away with everything. Must be that boyish twinkle of mischief he has.

Miraculously, the weather did a 180-degree turn with the temps dropping about 25 degrees and clouds/rain coming in, so that helped with the fires. I came home and finished one work project last night, so I'd have the day a little more freed up for Mr. D.

But then he called and canceled. (sigh) He had been to the ER over the weekend and was going to his doctor for a battery of tests; some weird and scary symptoms came on. (Fortunately, all the worst-case scenarios were ruled out immediately by the ER.) We spoke this afternoon, and he's feeling better; he'll get all his test results tomorrow. I feel relieved now, but was anxious about him all morning. Working out helped.

Then I bought myself a new bookcase. Yes, I know -- an entire generation is out there saying, "What's a bookcase?" None of that e-reader business for this dinosaur -- I like real books, with real pages and covers. But they take up a lot of space. I currently have three large shelves on the wall, plus a large and a small bookcase, and they are overflowing, so it was time for another. I managed to wrangle a 36H x 24W x 13D solid oak case upstairs into my apartment from the garage without injuring myself or the bookcase, so I'm quite pleased with myself. After that, I settled in to work.

Mr. D might be able to come tomorrow; he doesn't know yet, but will let me know tonight. I hope so. I need my fix. Today when we were chatting on the phone, I was saying I'm glad he's not one of these macho guys who refuses to go to the doctor until he's at death's door (like John used to be, until he damn near died!). Mr. D said, "I do have a brain," and I replied, "Yes, you do. You managed to conceal it fairly well a lot of the time, but you do have one." I think he has extra incentive to show up tomorrow, now. :-)

Here's to calm. I've had enough crazy for a while.


  1. I am completely the same way when it comes to fire. Really paranoid about it, even have an extinguisher in my bedroom and I'm one of those people who checks the batteries in the smoke detectors. Feel your pain with the wild fires raging.

    Fingers crossed that Mr D makes it tomorrow. Have fun!

  2. Anonymous -- it's a pretty awful fear to have, living in So. CA! I'm pretty extreme; I don't even like flames on the stove. Fortunately, mine is electric.

  3. Hey Erica, I've been hooked on your blog for the last couple of days now. You write about a lot of the same fears/anxiety issues I have and it's wonderful being able to read your words, how you articulate your thoughts, and truly be able to relate. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to share because for me, reading your blog, I gain more strength. Take care, Sammie :-)

  4. Sammie -- thank you, dear! It's always good to know that I'm not alone in my crazies. :-)

  5. I would be afraid of fires, too if I lived in Southern CA. It seems like they last forever.
    I hope all is well with Mr. D. Your bee-hind though is a different matter. It "sadly" may experience a blazing sensation of its own.
    Best of luck to it. LOL!!!

  6. Kelly -- I'd rather have that experience than not! :-D But if I have to skip a week, then so be it. And yes, the damn fires go on and on. It's bizarre how something that can be so warm, comforting and nurturing can also be so malevolent and destructive.

  7. It is good you're doing what really helps, Erica - the repertoire of things you're really good at: writing about it, enjoying books and managing your Top.
    Oh, and yes: always good to meet a soulmate who cares about books and book cases:-)

  8. MrJ -- I do love my books. Even as a kid, I used to check out 10 books at a time -- the max allowed -- from the library. :-)

  9. Hi Erica -- I am so glad that you are safe,fires make me nervous too.Fire SUCKS. I am glad that Mr.D is feeling better,You may Need a fire extinguisher, to put out the fire on your butt LOL once Mr.D is finished with you. John is so funny hehehe LOL I love his sense of humor.So glad you got your bookcase upstairs without getting hurt and the bookcase is in one piece,you did AWESOME.Much Love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

  10. Jade -- well, the fire extinguisher has to wait until next week. (sigh)

  11. It's always good to provide some incentive. ;-) I'm glad I don't have to worry about things like wildfires. Just fucking snow in May!

  12. Lea -- snow, I think I could handle. In moderation, of course.