Phoning it in

I feel like I need to write something today, but my brain is not engaged. My body is going through the motions of the day, while my mind protectively shrouds itself in numbness. But for the purposes of continuity, I will wind myself up and attempt to corral some thoughts.

For those who have been so supportive about the recruitment test: I took and submitted Part 2 on Wednesday, and have not heard back as of yet. I don't have a good feeling about this, but perhaps I'm just impatient. I dropped them an email today, politely expressing curiosity about my test. Now I wait, and hope.

I spent nearly $1600 on my car yesterday. My mechanic said he'd work with me, take it in installments, whatever I needed. What's the point of that? Postponing payment doesn't lessen it. He kept asking what he could do for me, and I had to resist the urge to say, "Oh, I dunno... don't charge so damn much?" So I wrote a check for the entire bill from an emergency account that isn't going to last through too many more emergencies. But for the time being, I have it.

John and I are going down to see my mother and stepfather tomorrow. My mother is now fully unresponsive, doesn't even open her eyes. They have put her on oxygen because she can barely breathe, and she's under 24-hour surveillance. Aside from an occasional squirt of water between her lips with a syringe, she is taking no food or liquid. It will be very soon now. I will say my final goodbye, even though I feel like I've already done so. I'm going more as support for my stepdad, honestly. He's been there every single day, sitting with her for hours. He is a good man, and I want to see him while I can. I have a feeling he has been staying alive for my mother's sake.

I got Chrossed today. I have to laugh at how much that cheers me. Just a simple acknowledgment of a fun night that now feels like it was weeks ago.

I am not alone. John will be with me. ST will come see me Monday. I have friends. I feel great comfort in that. I will keep moving forward and doing what needs doing. I always do.

When I am able, I plan to blog about bratting, and about the insistence by many that all spankos need to switch at some point. These should be fun, controversial, outspoken and will no doubt piss some people off. Can't wait. :-)

Have a great weekend, y'all. Thanks for being here.