Correspondence Hall of Shame, 6/15

(Yes, I know I've used Mr. Kitty's image before. But this week deserves an encore appearance.)

In the past couple of weeks, I've seen both polarities of the online spectrum. After my mother's passing, I saw just how lovely and supportive our online community can be. But this past week, I've witnessed the flip side, rearing its various ugly heads like a cyber-Medusa -- hence yesterday's mini-rant. So what better way to close out this week than with a CHoS?

Haven't seen one of these for a while -- the form letter. Mind you, I received this one not once, but three times. Don't these guys at least keep track of whom they've spammed?

hello my dear

i saw your profile and i love also the picture is wonderful. what i am looking for in my all-in-one-girl is a lover, best friend, my ..... you must be sexy, hot dressed in heels/boots, skirts, communicativ, tender,lovely, understanding, inteligent, faithful, ... and a sort of submissive and obdient. i am a good man/dom and it could be your and my dream to go forward and make fantasies come true..

i really will admire her for the devotion and will take good care, protect and support her. be sure, i don't care any distance, because when we got the connection, we will see where the way goes and leads us. i am single and i am open to relocate you or myself when it is necessary, when i have found the right sub. i am not a player or a time waster - i met to many on this site.

Don't go updating your passport just yet, dear. And what do you mean, you're not a time waster? You just wasted mine.

Oh, and lest you think that these form letters only occur on the kink sites, think again. I received this next gem on... wait for it... Facebook!

Good day and how are you doing? Am [deleted] from England, am a single, honest, kind, caring, loyal and God fearing.I came across your profile on facebook and am interested in getting acquainted with you deeply.It will be wonderful experience to have a personality like you.Am single and have been longing for a responsible woman to make my life more complete.

How i wish i live to appreciate you.hope to have an interesting moment to share with you.From the dept of my heart i say to you....you are wonderful.kindly get back to me soon.

Hmmm. Isn't "getting acquainted deeply" an oxymoron? Nice to know his heart has its own department. Talk about compartmentalizing.

(sigh) I am not a Domme. I am not a Domme. I am not a Domme. Have I made that perfectly clear? Apparently not.

am ready to be all yours, your bitch boy, your sissy maid , your whore and more,

am ready to worship you at your feet, ask you for mercy while am licking your shoes, i`ll be your pet and i`ll live in a cage if u want me to

amd ready to be owned, humiliated, am ready to follow your commands and be punished dor not to,

please make me your loyal slave Mistress

You want commands? OK. Go away.

Instinctively i liked your profile. You seem like a soft and mature woman at it's most greedy for everything that is good and yummy.

1. I'm not an it, I am a she. 2. Who are you calling "soft," fool? 3. Yes, I'm greedy for yummy good writing. At the moment, I'm starving.

And finally, a first -- my first CHoS entry received via tweet!

I am taking my good stinging straps from my freezer and I wil meat u on my lap in 6.9 minites

I could post several pithy comments here. But honestly, my gut reaction to this was simply, "Ewwww."

And by the way, how the hell do you measure 6.9 minutes?? I suppose it could be done with a sophisticated chronometer, but I doubt this dumbass would know how to read one.

Can't do a CHoS without including a couple of those bizarro keyword search phrases people have used to find me, right?

gyno explained

Simple, really. A gyno is a doc who examines those lady parts that the government is trying to control.

contrition blow job

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Dream on, Skippy.

Have a great weekend, y'all. For my friends at TASSP, have fun. And to the fathers (or those of you who have them), happy Father's Day.