Correspondence Hall of Shame, 4/8

It's Spring, and the idiots as well as the flowers are popping their heads up once again. Enjoy.

Can you like animalsex ???

I dunno, can I? If you're talking about f***ing like bunnies, then yes. If you're talking about actually f***ing the bunnies, then go away.

“Nipple play”...I like a woman who loves’s it, and wants it. Would love to explore your nipples and figure out what makes you go crazy.

Uh... where in any of my spanking ads were you able to infer that I loves's nipple play? I don't; I hates's it.

I will spank you into submissionl. You are hot your Master knows that. I just would like to become worthy of being in your circle. Very respectful single clean shaved 8" available anytime for you.

You want to be worthy? You can start by not announcing the length of your shlong to a perfect stranger.

And here's my favorite, clearly written by a one-handed typist:

I want to take you from behind, that’s my favorite especially I want to dominate you from behind, with my large hands wrap around your throat. The variety of what can be done from behind is so great; it can open up new pleasure centers and different angles of penetration. I like it all, standing up while our hips grind together, fully embraced with my hands cupping your breasts and pinching your nipples. I want to grab your ass checks sticking it straight in the air so I can penetrate you from a steep angle like a jackhammer, flexing my knees and thighs every time I thrust all the way deep into you’re wetness. I than want you just lying down, on your stomach, legs spread wide and continue to enter slowly and deeply from behind then wrap my warm (hot) body around yours, biting and kissing the back of your neck, whispering dirty thoughts into your ear again and again, tightly embracing your arms so our bodies are one, watching your face change between the smile and tensions of ultimate pleasure every time I slide in and out of you.

There were several more paragraphs of this drivel, but I chose to spare you. This gives you the general idea.

A few random thoughts:

1. My ass doesn't have checks. I prefer polka dots.
2. If I wanted to have sex with a jackhammer, I'd buy one at Home Depot.
3. Are you warm, or are you hot? Make up your damn mind.
4. If I'm lying facedown on the bed, how can you watch my face change?
5. You just want our bodies to be one so you can share my brain, as yours (or should I say you'res) is clearly deficient.

Thanks to everyone who participated in my food rant blog. It always tickles me to see the amount of responses I get on those. And finally, thank you to A Voice In The Corner for choosing mine as Blog of the Week. :-)

Have a great weekend, y'all.