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Friday, April 12, 2013

Correspondence Hall of Shame, 4/12

Look out, kids. I am in a MOOD. People have been annoying me left and right and sideways this week. So I thought I'd do a combination CHoS and rant, just to blow off some steam.

I would love to come over and whoop your ass. I’m local.

Well, good for you. Don't forget to paste the L on your forehead so I'll recognize you if I run into you at the local dry cleaner.

No CHoS is complete without one of these...

there’s no way your 55…you are in amazing shape

(sigh) Yes, way. It's called diet and exercise. I realize your only form of the latter is with your right hand, so this may be a foreign concept.


I am a ass and tit man, love spanking and suking. But.. like you have someone for sex, so I just enjoy the BDSM part of this culture.

So if ya would like to try my style, lets talk..

Who the hell is Ki? I'll pass on your style, hon. It suks.

you are right spanking and whipping a women is a reward onto it self

Yup. Especially when a men does it him self.

A couple of nights ago, I got a comment on one of my FetLife photos that was so inane and offensive, I deleted it in disgust without saving it. But the gist of it was this:

You look just like my flat-chested girlfriend from 20 years ago, 'cept with tits.

WTF?? This doesn't happen very often, but I have absolutely no comeback for this; that's how flabbergasted I am. What does one say to this? What is going through a man's mind when he writes crap like this?

Now we come to the rant portion. On FetLife, I've grown used to the same damn topics being posted again and again -- this time, it was the age-old controversy about paying for spanking. For the first couple of pages, the conversation was actually civil and pleasant. But of course, some moron had to toss in the "pro spanking is prostitution" pipe bomb. And things rapidly deteriorated from there.

I stayed out of it for a long time. Then the flamethrower came back (after being appropriately shot down) and said he was going to pray for all our souls when it came to judgment day, and may God have mercy on us.

That's when I lost it.

As I said on FL, I don't know what's more offensive -- seeing my friends judged and likened to prostitutes (not that there's anything wrong with prostitution either, dammit!), or having some proselytizing pinhead praying for us. We don't want your freaking prayers, buddy. Save them for yourself; you need them more than we do.

Take a peek at how he writes:

i will make this last post then im leaving it alone im not judgeing any one but to call you all hipocrites isnts judgeing any one it is stating truth you all passed judgement on me before any of you got to know me as a person in person so there for you all have sinned so have i but im not the one that cast the first stone im not the one that was rude disrespectfull close minded cruel or baligurant first so there for for those that have cast that first stone on me even though you sinned punishment from god will be worse and thats why i said i pray for al your souls that god will have mercy on you all nad that he will forgive all your sins i was trying to be nice and respectfull but none of you can do it in return and show a little bit of compassion you all are acting like imature children you all need to grow up !! and as far as spankings being a sexual act and payhing for it makes it a crime alone with prostituation period !!

Well, you know, I couldn't stand it anymore. This is what I commented:

To our personal judge, I have a suggestion. In your next life (because I'm sure you believe you'll have one), spend a little less time in church and a little more time in school. Because you are a @#$%ing ignoramus.

Arrggh. I fear for our future, I really do. There are way too many stupid, clueless people. This week, I was proofreading a job in which Tourette's syndrome was referred to as "turrets syndrome." (slamming head to desk)

And speaking of proofreading, I got a message from a former co-worker this week on LinkedIn. He said he had a possible job for me, with regular and consistent work, and I should call him if interested. Wow! Just what I've been seeking! So I called him Wednesday and we talked for about a half-hour, and I felt the air go out of my sails.

For one thing, it was in-house work, and every day. I don't want to go back to an office. He openly stated that it was a very dysfunctional and disorganized company -- swell! However, on the plus side, they were well established (been around for 35 years), very large (500 employees) and paid very well. However... the company was Doc Johnson Enterprises.

Yeah. Sex toys.

I am not a prude. But I really don't want to sit around proofreading copy about dildos, butt plugs and lubes all day. And yes, while regular part-time work is my dream (to supplement the clients who are just periodic), I just can't see myself doing this. I worked with this guy 20 years ago, and I don't have fond memories of it. Just hearing him talk about this current company, gossiping and saying stuff about this supervisor and that manager, brought all the unpleasant crap about office work back fresh into my mind. I don't want to go back there. I need the money, but I need my sanity too. He also told me that they'd want me to be a copywriter as well, writing packaging copy. "You could do it, I know you could," he said. "It's easy. I could do it." Then you do it, I thought. It would be bad enough to read that crap; I don't want to write it.

It was flattering in a way -- he is their art director, and when they started talking about hiring a proofreader, he said I was the first one he thought of, because I'm the best proofreader he knows. OK, that's nice. But I'm still going to tell him sorry, but no.

So that has me out of sorts as well. Really had my hopes up.

And everyone is talking nonstop about BBW goddammit!!!!! (sob)

All right, enough. One good thing happened; I posted a couple of mini-videos of Mr. D and myself on FetLife, and... we made it onto the Kinky & Popular page!! I know it's just a stupid popularity contest, but I was annoyed that I never made it onto that damn page and had included that in my spanko bucket list. Now I can cross it off. :-) By the way, I tried to post the same videos on here, but kept getting error messages.

I'm going to take my baligurant self to John's and try to relax. Have a great weekend, y'all.


  1. No BBW for me either.. *sob

  2. Erica, I'm really sorry that you can't make BBW. I really was looking forward to meeting you and talking to you. We're the same age, and have a lot of the same sensibilities. It would have been fun. I have been talking about it a lot, but it is my first one and I'm really excited.

    Now about the "pro spankers are prostitutes" thread, I think what bothered me even more than his unwelcomed religious stuff was him saying that 98% of prostitutes have HIV or AIDS and then refusing to post a link to where he got the information. He just kept saying from the police LOL. Like they keep tabs on that stuff LOL. Anyway, Fetlife is cheap entertainment for me. But sometimes, even my usual sunny disposition gets rained on. I sure hope your mood improves.


  3. That jerk was making me ill with his repeated and I do mean REPEATED illiterate ramblings. Just WHY is HE on Fetlife if he finds so many of us "damned"?!

    BELIEVE me I hear ya loud and clear about reluctance to return to an office setting. I was NEVER cut out for it yet 20 effin years later I've been in and out of too many to count mostly as a long term temp employee for a myriad of companies-SAME plots-different casts EVERY time.
    Stay AWAY Erica dearest!!! LOL


    1. I'm new here. Please be nice, or nice enough.

      Kelly, the answer to your question is easy. He wants to "save you all from your fetishes" and turn you into decent people, just like he thinks he is.

      As for the office setting, I was forcably, medically, retired from an office setting. It has taken a long, long time to admit that they were probably right, but so was I.


    2. Hi Buzhaven -- welcome! Of course I'll be nice. I promise. :-)

  4. otkd -- aw, damn. :-( I hope you will come to Shadow Lane!

    Cheryl -- honestly, I don't begrudge your excitement at all. :-) I'm happy for you and you will love it. I just soooo wish I could magically transport myself there without all the hassle and expense!

    Kelly -- if it were nearby (which is isn't), and it didn't sound so incredibly dysfunctional, AND if the copy weren't so tacky, I might consider it. But it's not a fit for me and I know it.

  5. Said it before and will say it again, I live an hour away and I can't make BBW....would love to and wish they had like just one, by invite, open event you could attend without having to commit to the weekend but I do understand why.
    Fet Life is a mess for me...every time except for once I try to get involved I get insane and rude and just screwed up notes and offers, not for me but keep trying.
    Nice rants.

  6. I no longer comment on FL, too many flame throwers.

    I hope you have a terrific weekend with John.


  7. "proselytizing pinhead praying"

    :-) <3

  8. Ron -- oh, what I would give to live an hour away from an event like BBW!

    joey -- I do love my friends on there, so that helps balance the nutcases and so forth.

    Lily -- you know I love alliteration! :-D

    1. Wonderful yes, but when vanilla life calls you, trust me it is torturous!!!

  9. "You look just like my flat-chested girlfriend from 20 years ago, 'cept with tits."

    This is how you respond to that. Just use this emoticon. o_O or O_O depending on what your honest response is. I like to use the one eye smaller than the other, myself. LOL

    As for the religious doofus on FL, I know how you feel. I occasionally argue with my fundie uncle on Facebook, and there are times when he doesn't even make sense because everything he thinks goes through his religion filter. He told me that once, that everything he does goes through his religion filter. He's the main reason I have to hide out on Twitter and my blog to be who I really am, because I can't ever say anything that's not totally vanilla on Facebook without bringing down his craziness on my head.

    I know how you feel about retaining your sanity by not doing a job you hate. I took a pay cut almost twelve years ago to get out of retail because I was just this side of going off on EVERYBODY. I found a sit down job, which saved my sanity. I've been there ever since. Sanity's more important than money, as much as I'd love more money. LOL

  10. Jen -- if I had any fundie relatives, I would not engage with them. Ever. I can't do it; I don't have the fortitude or the stomach for it.

    Retail blows. Dealing with the public (and having to be nice to them, to boot) is the WORST.

    1. He's the only fundie relative I have. His brother's an atheist! LOL I just get in the mood to mix it up sometimes, so I'm willing to battle Teh Stupid.

      I only did retail because I had no other skills at the time. I've acquired some since then, so I can't go back to the evilness that is retail.

  11. Hi Erica,

    This is my second post. (I'm the long time reader who introduced himself in response to your post about the landlord who allegedly spanked his tenant.) I'm not on Fet Life, so my only "experience" with it is your periodic posts about it. (It sounds lovely. NOT.) That said I have paid other men to spank me. More than once. I would do it again in a heartbeat. It's easier. I enjoy it and I'm able to dictate just about every aspect of some very specific scenes. (Yes -- I top from the bottom.) I'm not an attorney, but when I embarked on this journey I Googled the prostitution laws in my state. My reading of the applicable statutes is that paying for a spanking -- both as a top and as a bottom -- can cause you to run afoul with the authorities. In other words -- yes Virginia my reading of the applicable statutes in my state is that paying for a spanking can get you arrested for prostitution. That may not be true of every state and my reading of the law may be wrong (as I said I'm not an attorney) and the risk of getting caught up in some sort of "sting operation" for a spanking related scene is probably pretty low but it's still something that's always in the back of my mind whenever I contemplate hiring someone to spank me. (Getting arrested on prostitution charges would be a horrible way to get outed, IMHO.)

    Just my $0.02.


  12. It amuses me that to get on in American politics you either have to be religious or pretend to be religious. The Prime Minister of my country is openly atheist and I much prefer her to the Jesuit educated climate skeptic clown who wants her job after the next election. Surely not every educated person in the USA can be in the God Squad.


  13. Mike -- I am not an expert by any means about these laws, especially since they vary from state to state. But I know there are several dungeons here in Southern CA that operate as a service to provide fetish scenes, but not sex. The one I worked in (many years ago) did not allow any penetration or bodily fluid exchange, and we had to keep our thong on at all times. I can't imagine that these places were illegal.

    John -- I am an atheist. I don't have a problem with religion per se; people can believe what they want, if it helps get them through life. But don't push it on me, and don't tell me you're praying for me because I'm a non-believing heathen. That kind of condescending, judgmental crap will get on my last nerve very quickly.

  14. Dangit! I missed the paying for spankings thread!

    Dangit! selfishly I wish you'd go to work for the sex toy company as a writer- I'm sure you'd be good at it but mostly because I'm sure it would make for some hilarious blog posts. I can only fantaSIZE about the chuckles that might-have-been from your ribbing about your turgid prose describing the latest state-of-the-art dildo.

  15. I like the idea of having Licensed Spanking Therapists, certification, continuing education, etc. Instead of hot stones, I'd cheerfully pay for the hot palm treatment, purely therapeutic. I might have to look around for someone that connects with me <cough>. Once a week would serve just fine!

  16. I always enjoy your ChoS. These people are the written version of WalMartians:)

    I couldn't go back to an office job either. It's so nice to work from home and make your own schedule. "Turrets syndrome"? I once worked with a well-educated woman who said something to the effect of there being a great "human cry" instead of hue and cry.


  17. Erica, tell that NUT, who said "Nobody could be in shape at 55". Has he seen Sophia Loren, or Helen Mirren, etc, who are in their 70's plus.

  18. SS -- there is still a possibility I could work with them. Stay tuned. (Turgid -- that has to be one of the best words ever.)

    Anonymous -- Hot Palm Treatment! I like that.

    Hermione -- human cry? (sigh) Yeah, don't get me started. One of my favorites is "baited breath." What, they put a little piece of cheese on it or something?

    Six -- Helen is only in her 60s, but I'm sure she'll forgive you. :-)

  19. Bit harsh calling people hypocrites when you can't spell the word.
    Why on earth would a God squad member go to a BDSM site anyway?

    Pizza? Oh well.


  20. I saw that thread pop up in my feed again and again, but didn't post on it. I'm not sure why some people start those types of "discussions" because the mind is already made up one way or another. It inevitably leads to bashing each other.

    That job sounds... interesting. I'm with you on how crappy office work can be. Dealing with the public can be awful. People are so rude. When it's necessary to post a sign saying "Please finish your phone call before approaching the desk to check in," you know common courtesy has flown out the window.

  21. John -- damn spam! Always sneaks in on the weekends. Yeah, I don't know why the preacher is on a BDSM site. Talk about hypocritical.

    Lea -- Oh, the stories I have from my office years. So many. I'd rather have less money and have some peace of mind. What kind of life is it when you completely dread five days out of seven, every week?

  22. Hi Erica -- I am so glad you told that JERK off on FL,he deserved dare he say lies about spanking,that other idiot has nothing to say about your age,he is just jealous cause you look so BEAUTIFUL :-) It's much better to work at home than an office,because at home you are your own boss.Much love and hugs from naughty girl Jade

  23. Jade -- yes, I don't do well with bosses. ;-)

  24. I love how this hypocrite who's praying for our souls is on FetLife. Did this particular fact get lost on anyone? Anyone? And of COURSE he can't type, write, communicate, spell or be clear. Why would he bother??? And he's got the lord he can use to bludgeon us along the way.

  25. Craig -- I know, right? Has he some sort of immunity from hell because he invokes the lord at every opportunity?