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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Wednesday weirdness

As I look around the blogosphere lately, I'm reading such interesting, funny and poignant posts. I have no such thing here today. Just some random oddities.

First, in the ongoing madness of search keywords, here's the latest and strangest of the strange:

my panties lyrics

Funny, I never knew there was a song called "My Panties." Perhaps it goes something like this? (sung to the tune of "My Bonnie"):

My panties are grabbed by the waistband,
My panties are down to my knees,
My panties are pooled 'round my ankles,
Oh, pull up my panties for me!

Pull up, pull up,
Pull up my panties for me, for me
Pull up, pull up,
Oh, pull up my panties for meeeeee!

Thank you. I have ruined yet another song. :-)

Yesterday, I did the bus-and-train sojourn downtown to see the periodontist, who is monitoring my gum recession. Good news -- in six months, there's been no change, which means I don't need to have surgery. We agreed he'll check me every six months and keep an eye on things.

Thank goodness it's only every six months. I don't know how people deal with daily commutes on public transportation. On the way downtown, the woman seated behind me had a wet, dripping, horrible cold, and I had to listen to a rattling, phlegmy sniffle every minute or so. For God's sake -- haven't you heard of Kleenex? I wanted to reach into my purse, withdraw my pocket pack of tissues and fling it over my shoulder. Blow your @#$%ing nose!!

But that was nothing compared to the ride home. Fortunately, I have a good photographic memory and I can relay a lot of detail. Still, nothing compares to the actual sight before my eyes, stepping onto the bus and sitting down across from me.

I don't know how old she was -- maybe early to mid 20s. Doesn't matter. It's what she wore that burned into my retinas.

A baby-doll dress, white with blue and gold paisley print and adorned with blue sequins. It barely came down to her thighs, so underneath it she wore -- wait for it -- multiple layers of starched, ruffled lavender petticoats. It would have looked ridiculous had she been thin, but unfortunately, the image was worsened by the fact that she was quite overweight.

But wait, there's more. On her feet were rainbow-colored, tie-dyed sneakers and light blue bobby socks. On each wrist, several dime-store bangles (plastic, rhinestones, macrame). She had a large multi-colored clip in her hair, shaped like a butterfly. And she wore large headphones. OK, nothing strange about headphones, right? But these weren't just any headphones. They were covered with purple and pink heart-shaped rhinestones.

Topping off the ensemble? A turquoise Tinkerbell backpack.

I tried not to stare. But it was like the proverbial car wreck.

I'm reminded of a line I heard many years ago -- I can't remember who it was, but this performer (a comic, I think) was talking to a woman wearing a loud, garishly colorful ensemble, and he said, "Nice outfit. Looks like Walt Disney threw up."

What's everyone giving up for Lent? I think I'll give up taking public transportation.


  1. I am going to give up rude people- may I do that, do you think?
    Thank you for your lovely comment on my blog- it was most timely.

  2. let's try that comment again, since I can't seem to type a coherent sentence. LOL

    You should never put songs LIKE THAT in my head again!! At least make them a POP song! LOL .. hell, I'd even settle at this point for a Whip-me Houston parody.. LMAO!

    Oh. my. god. (aacckk!) THAT OUTFIT! I'd have been dumping out the contents of my purse, cause surely to god, when you weren't lookin'.. someone put a hit of acid in your trident!

    What am I giving up for lent?? (sighs).. "Do I have to give something up??"-->rofl

    Okay, okay, Well.. as long as I don't have to give them up ->for the next 46 days (until the 7th of April), I'll go ahead and reluctantly give up "B Movies on Netflix".

  3. Poppy -- you're most welcome. And oh, can we start with some FetLife people? I'd happily give them up forever.

    Zelle -- Whip-me Houston?? AAACK! OK, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but if ST starts belting out "I-I-I-I-eee-yiiiiii will alllllways spank you-u-u-hoo-ohh" to me, I will hurl on his shoes.

    I don't chew gum. So perhaps it was a hallucinogenic in the dental hygienist's toothpaste.

  4. Isn't that Drew Carey, to Mimi?

    I think I remember that line.

    In fact, the description of what you saw on the bus reminds me a lot of Mimi...

  5. Conina -- oh my God, Mimi! LOL! I had forgotten about her. The woman on the bus had no makeup on, so at least I was spared that hideous Day-Glo eye shadow.

    Drew Carey may very well have said it too, but I just Googled the phrase -- apparently Burt Reynolds said it in the movie "The End," way back in 1978.

  6. A new form of ashes? My three year old granddaughter came home from preschool Ash Wednesday with three colors of chalk on her face.


  7. OMG, the song made me literally LOL! Very funny. Also, as far as that outfit, I take it you've never seen this website: It's FULL of outfits like that one. If you had been able to get a picture of it, I would've told you to post it on there!

  8. John -- hmmmm. Even a three-year-old would have looked like a freak in this getup! LOL

    Jen -- ye gods, no, I've never seen that site. You're right, she would have been a perfect candidate! What are people thinking?

  9. So, you didn't like my drag gear, huh? Still, at least I won the bet.

  10. Lancisto -- I hope that bet was a whole hell of a lot of money, because you earned it! :-D

  11. That parody of Bonnie is more socially acceptable than the one I learned years and years ago, "My Bonnie has Tuberculosis..." That's probably all you want of that. Especially because you apparently rode downtown with her.

    The other gal has a turquoise Tinker Bell backpack?? That's pretty cool! :-D

    But all seriousness aside, I think the hottest outfit I've see this week is the gorgeous brunette in tight black slacks (or maybe ski pants) over Tubaman's knee in the "Spanking 101" clip on Spanking Tube. YOWZA!!!

  12. Wolfie -- (smiling) They were leggings. And thank you very much. ♥

    You're right -- My Bonnie Has Tuberculosis should remain unsung!

  13. Is that ditty you posted anything like this?

    We three kings of Orient are
    Trying to smoke a loaded cigar...

    Yeah, wrong timing and pretty bad.

  14. Bobbie Jo -- LOL! Not quite.

    Jimmy Fallon recently had a "hashtag" game where he invited people to take a Christmas song and make it into a Thanksgiving song. One woman submitted "We Three Beans of Casserole Are." I damn near fell off my chair.

  15. Hi Erica.That song you made up made me LMAO hehehe :-)you are so funny thank's for making me smile :-)I am so happy your gum's are doing well that is GREAT news.That outfit that girl was wearing on the bus make's me want to barf YUCK,I give up meat every year for Lent, no meat today or on every Friday until Easter.Now if my dad's stupid ape of a girl friend would get the hell out that would be good too.Much Love and hug's from your naughty girl Jade xoxo

  16. I am giving up being caned, for all of lent and possibly the remainder of the year. TheVBB

  17. Jade -- you should have SEEN it! lol

    VBB -- (snort) Uh huh. I know of two women who are going to overrule that proclamation, I'm afraid. :-)

    1. Ummmm.... You must be psychic, the wonderful wife just informed me that I have earned a canning in the morning. :-( Guess I will have to give up veggies instead. The very sad VBB

  18. VBB -- oh dear. See what happens when you make those bold statements? We never learn, do we.

  19. Hi Erica

    Good news, gumwise that is. I just got the new techno thingie. Its called a air flosser, just bests the pants off using dental floss. 1 spanking reference necessary. After all the best thing for your teeth is to rub a piece of string on them, rolls eyes, puleeze. My dentist just took me through this routine poking my gums and reading out measurements 2 3 5 4 oh my 6 I just didn't have the heart to tell him they were the same 15 years ago.



  20. Regarding "My Bonnie"

    My Bonnie forgot her bikini
    When she had a dip in the sea
    I thought that she was very naughty
    My Bonnie is over my knee.


  21. Emanuele -- yikes! You had 5s and 6s? Mine were all 2s and 3s. I guess I'm a good brusher. :-)

    John -- hee! I like that!

  22. Love the description of the bus fairy. I would have wondered if I'd got on the wrong bus and was on the Wal-Mart express. Have you seen Walmartians?


  23. Blow your @#$%ing nose!! Snort. I guess I could give up stabbing people who cough on me. No, that's important work. That needs doing.

    Been reading you a long time but for some reason can't comment from Civil War computer.

  24. And the winner for "Most hideous outfit" is... the lady on the bus!
    Being an eyesore is a sure-fire way to get noticed.

    There is a chance that it was some kind of Carnival "joke", which means you're safe at least for the rest of the year. :-D

  25. Hermione -- I have seen those! I never shop at Walmart. Target, yes. But I avoid Walmart like the plague.

    Emen -- I know people get colds. But that incessant wet snuffling drives me up the wall. Get a damn Kleenex and use it!

    Christy -- gawd, I hope so. It was truly scary.

  26. Congrats on avoiding the surgery. My dentist has been trying to get me to do that for a while now and I don't want to. Ugh. Sounds like a very interesting bus ride. And I thought NYC had all the freaks! Lol.

  27. Lea -- this periodontist told me about an alternative surgery to the traditional cutting a piece off the roof of the mouth thing (shudder), which sounds a lot less invasive. If I absolutely have to have something done, at least it doesn't have to be as drastic as I thought.

  28. Let's hope you don't have to have it done in the first place. That would be rather painful and tough to deal with.

  29. Bobbie Jo -- yeah, that's my hope. It's expensive, too. Ugh.

  30. Erica, please do this favor for me. Sing this song on Ameican Idol, and maybe it will be a 'hit', for either J.Lo, or you, on your voluptous bare bottoms.

  31. Six -- if I sing on American Idol, or anywhere else, the only "hit" will be the one that's put out on my life. :-)